


Defeat

by kingdomforroyals



Category: One Direction
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Developing Relationship, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Harry has sex with OMC ALOT so if you don’t like it, M/M, Mention of attempted suicide, Slow Burn, Smut, Suicide Attempt, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, too bad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2018-05-16
Packaged: 2018-10-12 11:41:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 66,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10490145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingdomforroyals/pseuds/kingdomforroyals
Summary: Harry is a messed up rich kid with family problems and meets Zayn, a "drug dealer" studying psychology who just wants to show him the wonders of life.ON HIATUS





	1. 0.1

**Author's Note:**

> New story! Let me know what you guys think about it ! This is basically a story that I wrote some time ago that I felt like sharing with you all.

The sweat stuck to my skin and I watched as his chest went up and down at a fast pace. The sensation that rushed through my veins lasted only for a second before my heart rate went down and the adrenaline disappeared.

I laid on my back and let the silk covers slip down my chest and stop at my hips. I stare up at the ceiling.

Nate's lips trail up my shoulder and to my neck, sucking lightly, his hands on my hips. I could feel him already hard again on my hip but ignored it, I don't feel like going for a second round tonight.

"Are you staying tonight?" He breathes against my neck, his hands squeezing my hips.

I don't know why he asks, he already knows the answer. I never stay the night, it's not part of the deal but Nate is insistent.

"No. I have to get home." I push him away and sit up. I gather my clothes and begin putting them on. The floor of Nate's bedroom is hardwood and cold so I hurry to put my clothes on so I can leave.

Nate sighs. "All right."

I don't feel bad for walking out on him. Nate knows this whole thing we have is just sex and I told him in the beginning if he starts acting like a baby about the whole thing then it was over. I told him not to grow feelings, but he has, and it not my fault.

I zip up my jeans and stand up, tugging my shirt over my head. Nate watches with blown pupils.

"I'll walk you out." Nate gets to his feet and my eyes travel to his naked lower half. He pulls on plaid boxers and nods towards the bedroom door. I follow him out to the living room.

The good thing about Nate was that he didn't live with his parents. It made this whole thing easier, sneaking out of windows aren't my thing and never will be. I can just come and go as I please and I don't have to worry about getting caught by his mum. Plus, his parents weren't so keen with the idea of their son being fucked by another boy.

When we reach his front door I reach down for my boots and put them on, ridding the cold from my feet.

I straighten up and smile half-heartedly at Nate. "See you at school."

"Yeah." He nods and leans in for a kiss.

Because I feel pity for him, I allow it, kissing him back. His hands are on my cheeks and mine in his hair. I let him indulge for awhile, feeling generous today.

After a couple of minutes, I pull back. I needed to get home before my dad suspects anything. He's letting me use his car because he thinks I've been at the library, and I've been at the "library" for 4 hours and that's a little weird, isn't it? It's not that I care if my parents find out what I'm doing–because I don't–I just don't want the car privileges to get taken away from me. If they took the car away from me my mom would have to take me places and I'd rather kill myself before I let that happen to me.

Nate smiles at me. "Bye, Harry."

I nod and reach for the knob, letting myself out.

It's 8 o'clock when I arrive at the metal gates that wrap around the house. I punch in the pin with a roll of my eyes and drive through. My moms car is parked in the driveway and I resist the urge to punch the steering wheel. She was supposed to have a late shift at the hospital tonight but she's home. Oh joy. I just know I'll get shit for being out at this time.

I take my time getting to the front door, kicking pebbles and stepping on disgusting bugs crawling on the pavement. I see some mail stuffed in our mailbox and grab it before climbing up the stairs to the front door.

I unlock the door with my dad's keys and kick it shut with my feet. I slip out of my boots and walk to the dining room where I know my parents are, eating their dinner.

"Lovely of you to join us, Harry." Mum says, her fork scraping against the plate while dad holds his hand out for his keys which I drop into his palm.

"Just studying hard at the library." I smile sarcastically.

Things with my parents have changed. After my brother was sent to jail, I felt bitter. Pissed. I was angry with everyone and everything. Especially my parents. It just baffled me how they knew my brother was doing all those horrible things and that there was something wrong with him and didn't even try to stop him or get him help. But of course they just thought that he would stop and be back to normal. Now because of them he's locked up in a mental hospital.

"It's 8:15." Mum narrows her eyes and glances at my father.

"Yeah, I know that." I reply dryly.

"You were supposed to be home at 7, Harry," dad adds.

"I'm only an hour late. It's not that big of a deal," I shrug.

"An hour late is not what we agreed on," dad says.

I sigh. "I'm home now, aren't I?"

"That's not the point. Who knows what could've happened to you!" Anne exclaims her green eyes widening.

"Well don't worry, I wasn't out killing people." I spit, "if I was though I'm pretty sure you wouldn't care."

My parents stare at me with slack jaws and wide eyes. I even think there was a tiny tear in moms eyes.

"I got the mail," I mutter bitterly and smack the mail on the counter. Spinning on my heels, I climb up the stairs and up into my room.

A couple minutes later I hear yelling coming from downstairs.


	2. 0.2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like this story and I hope you guys do too so I can continue to write it. Thank you for your time :)

Emerson High School is a horrible place. With horrible teachers, horrible students and horrible classes. But according to the literally _everyone_ , it's law that I am required to attend it and that extremely sucks.

Ever since four months ago, I've been slacking in school. My grades have dropped and my attendance has gotten very spotty. I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to repeat my last year of high school.

My counselor, Meredith, has been trying to get me to do better in school but it's not working of course. Mostly because I think counselors are stupid and don't really help at all.

It's not like I want to do horrible in school—I don't want to be at this school longer than I need to, really—but I can't help it. I'm just an expert at failing now I guess. If they had a class designed for failing, I'm pretty sure somehow I'd fail at that too. Can you sense the irony?

So I bite into the green apple that I got from the fruit stand in this shitty school and shitty cafeteria and I look around said cafeteria. Some of these people used to be my friends. I remember skipping class with some of these kids, or lighting a cigarette at the back of the gym and just smoking until the last bell of the day rings and it's time to go to our respective homes.

But things have changed and now I talk to none of them. Some of them I just stopped taking to because I finally realized how really annoying they were, but the majority stopped talking to me because they didn't want to be seen with the brother of an insane murderer. Their words not mine. And I don't blame them. I mean, it's not like I stay up all night thinking about all the dumbasses that aren't my friends anymore, no…they're not the reason why I don't sleep at night.

My eyes snap to the entrance of the cafeteria as a perky blonde dressed in a floral dress walks through the doors. She greets a couple of people and walks over to where I am seated.

"We're throwing a party," she grins, plopping down on to the seat across from me.

I give her an unamused look.

Karen is the only person I can tolerate here at this school. She sits with me at lunch and asks me how I am everyday via text, although I don't respond to her texts. I still consider her a friend and apparently she does too.

"I'm serious! When was the last time you went to a kegger?" Karen slams her hands on the table.

"A _kegger_? What is this, the 90's?" I snort. I'm surprised she even knew what a kegger was. 

"Please? Nate's helping bring the kegs so he'll be there," she pouts and bats her long eyelashes. Karen doesn't wear fake eyelashes, her lashes are _actually_ that long.

"Why should I care that Nate'll be there?" I put down the apple and wipe my hands on my black jeans.

Nate and I don't really talk outside of our "only sex arrangement", it's one of my rules. Nate doesn't exactly follow it, he talks to me every chance he gets and I don't bother bringing up the rule anymore because why should I if he just keeps breaking it?

"Aren't you guys seeing each other?" she asks confused, her eyebrows pulling over her bright eyes. If I wasn't so painfully gay, then maybe I'd try to get with Karen because she truly was beautiful.

"No. We just have sex," I roll my eyes. Honestly, I don't know how Karen found out that Nate and I are messing around but she knows and I don't really care much.

"Yeah, whatever. But I know you don't like people much so there'll be two people you like, right? So you don't have to be alone," Karen smiles.

"Who says I like you?" I raise an eyebrow.

She rolls her eyes and hits my arm, "I'm serious."

"Fine, don't have anything better to do anyway," I mutter.

"Great. Starts at 7 but you should come early and help me set up," Karen tells me.

*

I was at my locker putting my jacket on when I felt a hand on my lower back. It was Nate. I could smell his expensive cologne. I sigh and close my locker, twisting around so I wasn't in his arms anymore.

"Hey," he smiles widely at me and I give him a look that I give him every time he smiles so hugely, it's unnecessary to smile that big.

"Hi," I say blankly. The last bell of the day rang just five minutes ago and I was about to go home and sleep until I had to set up for Karen's party.

"Karen told me you were coming to the party," he smiles, again.

"Yeah."

Nate sucks his bottom lip in his mouth before releasing it, "okay, just wanted to make sure you were coming."

I raise a brow, "why?"

"So we could hang out," he says. "You know, somewhere other than my bedroom."

"Why would we hang out? Nate, I thought you understood what I told you when we first started this," I say to him almost feeling annoyed.

"Yeah but it'll be fun," he shrugs, not at all bothered by my harsh tone.

I sigh, just letting the subject go, "yeah, whatever. I'll see you later."

Nate grins and pulls me closer to kiss me. I grab him by the shoulders and kiss him for a couple of seconds because I was too exhausted to tell him no and explain to him why I'm saying no afterward because Nate is so damn _slow_. His tongue tastes like coco-cola and his lips were slow against mine. Nate liked kissing me slowly and softly whilst I preferred the exact opposite. Which is, you know, no kissing at all.

"See you," I pull away from Nate and pat his arm before turning around and walking towards the parking lot, where my dad's car was parked.


	3. 0.3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I didn't want to specify exactly where the story is based, but just know they don't live in the U.K., they live in the US.
> 
> Also, thank you for reading! Leave a comment if you want and kudos would be much appreciated.

When I get home mum and dad aren't here–as usual–so I head upstairs and go to sleep after setting an alarm for 6pm.

*

I wake up 30 minutes before my alarm and stuff my face into the pillows, sighing because I can hear muffled speech coming from downstairs.

I get out of bed and put my shoes back on, grabbing my phone and turning the alarm off. I shove it into my pocket and look into the mirror, seeing my messy curls. Once upon a time my hair used to look nice, neat, presentable. But I stopped giving a shit so now it almost resembles a birds nest.

I walks down the ridiculously long stairs and spot mum sitting in the den with dad. It looks like they were ready to go somewhere. Mum has her purse in her hand, makeup done and hair pulled back in a tight bun, and dad is in his usual expensive suit and tie.

"Where're you guys going?" I ask, not really knowing _why_ I asked because I could give less of a shit.

"We're going to visit your brother," dad says, shrugging his jacket on.

"Hm," I mumble and plop down on to the couch, picking up the remote and flipping through channels. "Have fun."

"You're going too, Harry," mum snaps, seeming to be in a bad mood. She's been in a bad mood for the past 6 months, usually when she's with me or dad.

I chuckle humorlessly, "no, I'm not."

Dad sighs, looking at my mother, expecting her to argue with me. Which she always does when they go visit him. I mean, they know I won't go so why even bother asking? Does she just want to make me annoyed?

" _Yes_ , you are. He's your brother, Harry."

I scoff, "he is a psychotic piece of _shit_. Not my brother."

"Harry," dad warns.

I narrow my eyes, "I'm not going."

Mum purses her lips and rubs her temple, staring at me for a long second. But I don't break. "Okay, fine. Do whatever you want."

I stare at her, expecting her to yell or bitch some more but all she does is stare back at me.

"Just know that Spencer has been asking for you," she adds, then she and dad leave.

I shake my head. Of course she would try to guilt me into going. That's all she ever does, she makes everyone miserable just so she can feel better. Just so she doesn't feel like shit for letting her son get so fucked up in the head and just so she doesn't feel the pain of losing her son.

It takes every ounce of strength in me to keep from flipping over the coffee table or to not smash the tv or to not light this fucking house on fire.

I laugh to myself, almost sounding as crazy as Spencer. _Of course_. The answer is right in front of me. I wanted a way out and tonight the opportunity was right in front of my face. Even if it would only last for a couple of hours, it was something.

I take my phone out of my pocket and call Karen. She answers on the third ring.

"Helloooooo," she crows.

"I'm coming over," I tell her.

"Harry! Oh, okay! Come over now. It's going to be fun!" she squeals and I can tell she's already started drinking.

"Make sure you have the stuff because I really need it right now," I say to her.

"Of course. There's plenty!" she sings and I hang up, not really in the mood for Karen's upbeat tone.

*

Half and hour later I'm at Karen's, ringing the doorbell.

Karen opens the door, a stupid smile on her face and music blaring behind her. "Harry! You came!"

"I said I was going to, didn't I?" I push past her and into the house. "Thought you said it starts at 7?"

"People came early," she shrugs.

The smell of heavy booze and pot was already filling up the house. The place was lit dimly with expensive lights and the furniture was pushed back against the wall, making room for the party-goers. In every corner there was a fucked up kid smoking some substance in a pipe or injecting a needle into their arm. These kids are basically crack heads and I suppose I am, too, in a way. They go hard at parties. Everyone needs to deals with their shit, right? All these kids just deal with their shit the same way. A party? A normal kid would see it as an opportunity to have fun with their friends, kiss a stranger or two. A kid from here would see it as a getaway. A chance to get high, drunk, fucked up, just a way to forget about the shit in your life even if in the morning you have to come back to your life and come face to face with the daily struggle, that is if you don't overdose and die. I almost feel pity for these kids, but then I remember that I hate each and every one of them and spend most of my time thinking of ways to burn this town and the people in it.

I turn to Karen, "your mum's gone?"

She nods, "told her to have a night out, get laid or some shit."

Karen is a lot more vulgar when she is drunk than when she is sober. I find it funny because she seems to want to act different and nice and shit but in reality she's just as fucked up as the rest of us. She always denies it whenever I tell her all the shit shes done the night before.

"So where is it?" I ask her.

"Well, the stuff you want isn't here yet. Everyone else brought their own," she says, leading me to her kitchen.

"When is it going to get here?" I sigh, taking the beer from her hand and drinking it.

"The guy said he would be here in 20 minutes, I thought he was going to come a bit earlier," she explains, making another drink for herself. "His friends are coming with him."

"How old is he?' I ask because I swear I'm gonna scream at Karen if she's taking drugs from some 60 year old pedophile. Last time that happened I almost died on her bedroom floor.

"22? 24? I don't know. All I know is that he's isn't in highschool anymore," she says.

"How much?"

She smirks, "no charge."

I raise an eyebrow, "did you fuck him?"

There's no way Karen can get her hands on some ecstasy and bennies without paying at least an absurd amount of cash or something. She must've had gave him something other than money then. A blowjob or something.

She shakes her head, "nope. Just told him to enjoy himself at the party."

I roll my eyes and finish the last sip of the beer.

We hang out in the kitchen for awhile. Karen tries making small talk by asking about my classes but she quickly changes the subject after she suggests I get a tutor after I told her I almost have all F's.

Then Karen's phone dings with a text message.

"Is that him?" I ask, filing up a cup with the same mixture Karen did a few minutes ago.

She reads her phone, replying quickly, "yeah, let's go meet our guests, hm?"

I shrug and walk with her out of the kitchen and back into the living room where it was quickly getting hot and stuffy.

Karen opens the door and a cool breeze hits us, making the quickly forming sweat on my forehead cool and dry. Jesus, you would think Karen had good air conditioning considering how fucking rich she is.

A couple of people were on the front lawn, glass bottles of beer in hand and rolled up joints between fingers. Karen nudges a boy that was sleeping on her steps with her foot.

"Go away," she tells him and the boy stumbles away, not making it very far as he fell on the grass a couple of feet away. "Jesus," Karen mutters.

I sigh. "Where are your friends?"

Karen skims the lawn, stopping and smiling. "There."

I get on my toes to see who she's talking about because Karen is way taller than me–even though I myself am tall as shit. On the street curb of Karen's house I see a group of older looking guys dressed in fashionably tattered clothing coming toward us.

"Them?" I ask Karen, confused.

She nods.

The four boys—or _men_ , I should say—reach us and the shortest, smiles at Karen.

"Sick party," he says, his voice a bit more high pitched and _British_ than I thought it would be. How ironic.

"Thanks!" she grins. "This is my friend Harry," Karen says to them and all four pairs of eyes go to me. "Harry this is Louis, Niall, Liam and Zayn. The guys I was telling you about."

The smaller one—Louis—holds his hand out. "Lovely to meet you."

There's a hint of a smirk on his face as his blue eyes stare me down. He isn't all that intimidating as he thinks he is. He was as small as a child—almost comically hilarious.

I narrow my eyes and shake his hand, noticing the way he squeezes my hand lightly. "I'm sure," I say as I let go of his hand.

A full blown grin takes over his face as I say this. He probably thought I'd be as nice as Karen is.

"Go on in boys," he says to the others.

A boy with dark hair pats Louis on the shoulder and walks ahead. And I realize I didn't care enough to catch any of the others names. But the dark haired one with visible tattoos walks past me and into the house but not before sending me a flirtatious smile. He's handsome I'll give him that but I forget about him the second I stop looking at him. The other boys standing next to Louis walk inside as well. Louis was probably the dealer then, which probably meant he was the one Karen slept with.

"You don't seem like the type of bloke that takes drugs like this," he narrows his eyes, the smirk disappearing from his face, looking somewhat serious.

"You don't seem like the type of bloke to sell drugs like this," I retort, getting annoyed and impatient.

The smirk reappears and he steps closer to me. He's just a little bit shorter than me and that makes him less intimidating. He stares into my eyes while grabbing my hand and slipping a small baggie into my palm.

"Enjoy that, yeah?" he whispers into my ear and steps back. He smiles at Karen, "I'll see you later, Karen."

I stare at him as he walks away. He doesn't go inside the house like the rest of his friends, instead he returns back to the street and goes into his car, then he drives away.

I look down at the baggie then up at Karen. I laugh humorlessly, "he must've been a great fuck if you put up with that."

"Don't be so misogynistic, Harold," she pushes me.

"I'm the last to be a misogynist, but this is expensive shit."

"Shut up and thank me, Harry." Karen rolls her eyes and walks back into her house that was getting destroyed by the second.

"Thanks," I mutter and look back at the colorful pills in the small baggie.


	4. 0.4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy chapter 4 :)
> 
> Leave kudos if you like it.

"Harry?"

I groan, hiding my face with my hands to block out the light.

"Hey, are you okay, mate? You need help?"

When I open my eyes, things are a bit spotty. The light was extra bright and my head was spinning.

I seemed to be naked lying next to someone in a bed. It was Nate. Thankfully, I had blankets laid on top of me so the unrecognizable boy with the dark hair didn't see anything. Come to think of it, I wouldn't care if he did.

I began to realize that the light was from the window and that it was daytime now. I had no memory from last night or how I ended in bed with Nate.

"Can you hear me?" he asks.

I look back at him, taken back but irritated, "Yes. I'm not deaf."

He chuckles. He stands there, staring at me and not saying a word.

I narrow my eyes, "what do you want?"

I find it quite strange that he was just standing there while I was naked under the covers. Why was he even here? Who the hell is he?

"Oh, I don't want anything. Your friend sent me up here to make sure you were still alive."

I rub my eyes with my fists and sigh, "well, I am. You can leave now."

"She also wanted me to tell you that you should come downstairs and eat," he says with a smirk.

"All right." I glower, "get out."

He gives me a nod with an amused smile and walks out the door, closing it behind himself.

I sigh and lay on my back, closing my eyes. I felt irritable. I couldn't remember a single thing from last night, although I knew I wouldn't anyway and that was what I was going for in the first place.

I purse my lips and look over at Nate. He looked completely knocked out. I wanted to leave before he woke up.

I dress quickly, my quick movements causing me to gag and almost vomit. But I needed to get out of here.

I walk down the stairs, stepping over slumped bodies and broken glass and cans of beer. The food smelled good but I didn't want to stay.

Karen is in the already cleaned kitchen, having cleaned up pretty nicely herself. She grins when she sees me, handing the whisk to a blond who looked confused as ever as he stares at the object like he'd never seen it before. She gallops over to me, grabbing my shoulders.

"Morning! I made breakfast," she chirps and I'm always amazed at how she behaves in the morning, especially after being drunk off her ass the night before.

I look behind her to the men littering her kitchen, one of them was the one who woke me up. I was so confused.

"Why do you have three guys in your kitchen?" I ask her because I don't recognize them at all.

"I'm making them breakfast," she says like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Of course," I mutter.

"Sit down, eat," she says, pushing me further into the kitchen.

I stop walking and shake my head. "As much as I'd like to eat breakfast at 2 in the afternoon with some strangers–I have to get home," I tell her. I really didn't have to, but I needed to take some aspirin and I was definitely done being here.

"Why not?" she pouts and I look over her shoulder at the guys staring at us.

"I'm going home," I don't answer her question and walk away from her, heading to the front door.

She sighs and walks after me. She grabs my arm and stops me, "at least let Zayn drive you home."

Then I remember that I took the bus here because dad took his keys with him yesterday. Which–okay, I don't get why they can't buy me a car since they have the fucking money. It would be so much easier getting around and I wouldn't have to steal the damn car keys all the time.

"Who the fuck is Zayn?" I ask her, brows furrowed.

She points behind her, "the guy that woke you up."

"I can walk." I tell her. I didn't want anyone driving me home, especially some guy I barely knew that had the audacity to wake me up earlier.

"You're not walking," she declares. "Either Zayn takes you home or you sit down, eat and wait for Nate to wake up and take you home instead."

I run my fingers through my hair and close my eyes, migraines had formed basically everywhere and I wasn't in the mood to argue with Karen any longer.

"Fucking fine," I sigh. Karen grins and walks back to the kitchen. I turn around and walk out the front door, the sun slapping me in the face and forcing me to close my eyes again.

I bend over, groaning. I could already almost taste the vomit before it even came out but I could definitely taste it as I spewed all over the bright green grass, painting it disgusting and repulsive colors.

I spit the last bit of vomit out of my mouth and straighten up, covering my eyes with my hand.

I hear the door open behind me and hear a small chuckle. Well I'm glad he found it funny.

The lad walks by me, bumping his shoulder into mine. I drop my hand and glare.

"Coming, Harry?" He raises his eyebrow.

I don't like that he knows my name when I had no clue what his was but I purse my lips and follow after him. We get into a semi-new black Jeep and I lean back into the seat, closing my eyes again.

"Put your seatbelt on," he says and I just then notice his accent. Of course Karen befriended probably the only other British person in the state.

"I'm good," I mutter.

"What if we get into an accident?" he asks, starting up the car.

"Then I fly out the windshield," I slightly shrug.

"Put your seatbelt on," he tells me again and he sounds like he's scolding a child and that bothers me.

"If I move I'll vomit all over your car," I clench my teeth.

He sighs and there's some shuffling before I feel his chest pressed against my shoulder. I quickly open my eyes and see him leaned over, attempting to put the seatbelt on me. I push him away with a glower and grab the seatbelt from him.

"I'm not a child," I narrow my eyes and click the buckle in.

He sits back in his seat and cockily smiles at me, "you're not?"

I roll my eyes, "can you fucking drive?"

"Well in order to drive I need your address first," he says matter-of-factly, holding out his phone for me. I hastily grab it and put in my address, handing it back to him.

I cross my arms over my chest and look out the window as he starts to drive.

*

Halfway through the drive I notice my arms and uncross them, not wanting to look like a child throwing a tantrum.

"So, where are you from?" he asks and I furrow my brows. I didn't know the ride came with fucking unwanted chit-chat.

"I'm not in the mood to chat," I mutter, watching the buildings go by.

"I have a feeling you're the type that's never in the mood to chat," he says and from my peripheral I see him glance at me.

"Hmph."

"I'm from Bradford," he says even though I'm clearly showing signs of disinterest. "I'll assume you're from somewhere close to there since you don't want to tell men where you're actually from."

I sigh. "Why the fuck do you care?"

"Ever heard of being a decent human being?" he says and I wish I had just waited for Nate to wake up. I could at least ignore Nate more easily than this bloke.

"Never heard of it," I say, displeased with this conversation. I look down at my jeans, pinching the bridge of the nose.

"Need an aspirin?" He asks, too nicely.

"I'm fine," I say, dismissively.

He nods and turns on the radio, R&B music coming from the stereo. He clearly liked the song because he started to hum along with the singer under his breath.

I bite the inside of my cheek and look out the windshield, ignoring the stupid ass smile on his face. Why is he even smiling? And why is he so damn annoying? And what the fuck is even his goddamn name?

A few minutes later we reach the tall gates wrapping around my house.

"Nice place," he says and there's something in his voice. Almost judgy.

I clench my jaw and unbuckle the seatbelt. I don't say anything as I get out, closing the door and walking to the box to punch in the pin for the gates.

I can feel him staring at me and if I didn't have any self-restraint I would pick up a rock and chuck it at his windshield. Instead I put in the pin, walk in when the gates open and hit a button on the other side that closes them again.

I quickly glance at the car and see it backing out the driveway. Jesus fucking Christ.


	5. 0.5

"How are you, Harry?"

"Fine."

Meredith smiles, her brown eyes annoyingly warm. "Did you have a good weekend?"

I shrug, "it was fine."

I spent most of the weekend sleeping off my hangover, smoking with Karen and avoiding my parents when they were home and I'm pretty sure through the whole weekend they were home for only 8 hours total.

"What'd you do?"

"Nothing."

She nods, leaning back in her seat. "So," she starts and I know this is when it _actually_ starts—no more small talk. "Last week you didn't come in. I asked you're teachers where you were and they said you hadn't attended any of your classes all day."

"Did they?" I purse my lips, "that's weird."

"I called your mom and she said you were supposed to be at school," she continues which I don't get why because she knows exactly what the deal was. Meredith was evolving every week and was getting more cunning.

"That's definitely weird," I hum and run my fingers through my hair. I didn't even try to manage it today, just rolled out of bed with this hair.

"It definitely is," she furrows her brows. Then she just stares at me, waiting for me to crack which I absolutely won't do. Meredith sighs after a minute, "you know our deal, Harry."

"It's not really our deal. It's an _ultimatum_ , actually."

She ignores me, "you come to school, go to your classes and stay out of trouble and we don't kick you out for all the fights you've started and violating the rules— _multiple_ times—by smoking on school grounds, defying teachers and the list continues."

I run my tongue over my front teeth and roll my eyes, "whatever. It was only one fucking day."

And of course I could give less of a shit about getting kicked out of this school—I _want_ to, actually—but they're never going to because my damn parents make a pretty generous donation to the school every fucking year. So they completely fucked me.

Meredith looks at me disapprovingly, "look, there are a lot of teachers here that want you gone and I'm not gonna sugar coat it—a lot of them say you're slacking the most out of anyone in all of their classes."

"Shocking."

"But I've convinced them to give you some more time because I believe that you can turn this around. I know you can because—believe it or not, Harry—you're one of the smartest kids at this school and you're gonna go places, I know that," she leans forward and puts her hands on the wooden desk. She tries to lock eyes with me but I glare at the dumb fucking tiny wooden boat perched on the desk instead. "But if you aren't willing to work with me then I can't help you. I can't force you to do your work and I can't force you to go to your classes, only you can do that. You can only succeed if you believe you can and if you actually want to."

*

I step out of the office and am met with Karen who has a large bag of crisps in her hands.

"Wow, you look pissed," she says and walks along-side with me.

"Fuck off, Karen."

"She really gave it to you, huh? What was it this time? Was it last week when you skipped a whole fucking day?"

"Yup."

"Told you you'd get in trouble. I mean, skip all you want—I don't care, but never do it when you have an appointment with Meredith. You're more likely to get caught," she babbles on and honestly I'm already sick of hearing her voice.

"Why're you always so keen on proving me wrong?" I glower at her.

She grins, "well, because you always do stupid shit and I always tell you you'll get in trouble and you always ignore me and I always end up being right."

I sigh, irritated. "Whatever."

I push open the exit doors and Karen follows, already knowing where I was headed because she pushes me and laughs.

"Last one there is a fuckhead!" She yells and sprints off into the distance, blonde hair the last thing I see.

I continue my lazy stroll to the bleachers, rolling my eyes.

People were walking about, since it was a free period. A few make a beeline to the parking lot and get into their cars and drive away, probably leaving for the whole day. I would've done that too if I didn't have Meredith on my ass.

Karen is under the bleachers, sitting on the damp grass with the bag of crisps in her lap. "Hey, fuckhead," she smiles.

I pull out the pack of cigarettes in my back pocket and sit down next to her, "hey, shitface."

She holds her hand out for a cig and I place one in her hand, putting another in between my lips and we light them up. "You know one day you're gonna actually race me here," she declares.

"I don't think so," I pull my knees up and start pulling grass out from the ground with my other hand.

"I'm calling it."

"Don't hold your breath, love."

Karen chuckles, leaning back on her palms, the cigarette dangling from her lips. "What're you doing tonight?"

I blown smoke from my mouth and shrug, "nothing."

"Wanna join me and Niall? We're gonna go mini-golfing," she grins, eyes lighting up.

I was so confused. There are a lot of things I wanted to say. "Who the hell is Niall and why are you guys going to mini-golf? That's the most boring thins ever."

"You don't remember Niall? The one from my party?" She questions and I shake my head. "Well, he's friends with Zayn. And mini golf is plenty fun," she nudges my leg with her foot.

"Is Zayn the bloke that drove me home?" I ask since I'm not sure.

"Yeah, that's Zayn. Quite a looker, eh?" She smirks.

"I wasn't really paying attention," I shrug. "So is Niall British as well?"

"No, Niall's Irish."

I furrow my brows. "Where did you get these people? Was the other one not American as well?"

"The other one is called Liam and yes, he's from the UK as well, she rolls her eyes. "And I didn't get them from anywhere. What kinda question is that?"

"I'm just wondering how you're friends with all these British people."

"You're saying that like you're not British as well," she gives me a weird look.

"I figured I was the only British person here. I mean, we live literally in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere," I exclaim. I mean, my questions aren't as ridiculous as she's making them out to be. Four British people and an Irish guy all in one small town? That's weird to me.

"Don't be jealous you're not the only exotic person in my life anymore," she laughs.

"British isn't exotic," I snort.

"It is to me," she smirks. "So, you down or what?"

"Third-wheel your date with an Irish lad?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Zayn and Liam might join," she says.

"Nah. I have school shit to get done."

"You just said you weren't doing anything tonight, you asshole."

"I might not do it," I lick my lips. "Might do it, dunno."

"Since when do you care about your schoolwork?" Karen scoffs.

"I'm only doing it to get Meredith off my back."

Karen sighs, "well, call me if you change your mind. We leave at 5."

*

I don't understand it. Why the hell do teachers give out homework? Why does it count more than tests? The same test that we bust our asses off for is the same test that barely even matters. Homework makes up more than half our grade and tests are worth shit.

I sigh and throw the mechanical pencil onto the bed. It's 4:30 and no one was home, as usual. I was beyond bored and homework wasn't doing it.

I pick up my phone and pull up the text messages between Karen and I. I read through the messages and opt to call her instead.

"Harold," she picks up on the third ring. "You change your mind, sweetcheeks?"

I roll my eyes, "fucking pick me up."

"On my way right now, hun."

*

"Is this Niall you're all dressed up for?" I chuckle as I hop into the car.

Karen backs out of the driveway, rolling her eyes. "What do you mean? I'm always this beautiful."

"I'm not saying you aren't, but is that some cleavage that I'm seeing?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Shut up. We're picking up the lads, or so you say," she grins at me.

"Lads," I snort. "I still can't believe out of all the people in this town that you managed to find British drug dealers."

"You jealous?"

I make a face, "of _what_?"

"Jealous that you're not the only Brit that I know anymore," she smirks.

"Ugh," I cross my leg over the other. "I could care less."

Karen doesn't say anything more and continues driving.

Why would I be jealous because of that? It's just weird. They're weird.

"So," she begins again soon enough. "What do you think of Zayn?"

I look at her, confused, "what is there to think of about him?"

"Dunno," she shrugs but there's something else in her voice. "I thought he was an interesting guy."

"Don't tell me you're crushing on both of them," I tease.

She rolls her eyes and laughs, "course not. Plus," she throws me a look, "I'm not his type."

I run my fingers through my hair, "could you be anymore transparent, Karen?"

"What?" She feigns innocence.

"He's not my type, either," I snort.

"Alright," she glances at me. "You know, you should really get a haircut. Your hair is getting quite long."

"No it's not. It's fine," I sigh and lean again the door.

"Eh, suites you then."

I look out the window, "where are we going?"

"Nialls place," she says with an annoying smile. "The _lads_ are all there."


	6. 0.6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry for the long wait, I've been losing interest in writing in general lately but just last night I had a brainstorming session and felt compelled to write. Next chapter will be up soon. Thank you for your time !! :)

They all exit the house like they were in some fucking movie. Their hair messy but not the kind of messy mine was, but the kind of messy that still looked cool.

I roll my eyes, "I can't believe I'm about to be apart of your gangbang."

Karen slaps my shoulder, "shut up. Don't be a pessimist, Harry."

"But that's my _thing_ ," I say sarcastically.

The three of them enter the car and the smell of weed fills my nostrils almost immediately.

"Karen, lookin' nice," Niall says and leans over the seat to give Karen a kiss on the cheek.

She blushes, "thanks."

The others shuffle in and we start to drive away.

"Harry, I don't know if you remember," Karen turns to me, the corner of her lips lifted upwards, "but this is Niall. And that's Zayn and Liam."

I narrow my eyes at her and put on a plastic smile before turning around. "Nice to meet you all."

Niall grins. "Harry, finally nice to properly meet you."

I nod, politely glancing at the other two. I didn't care for any of them but I had manners. "Hello," I murmur.

Zayn meets my glance with a small grin but I turn around and face the front before he can greet me back.

"So, Karen." Zayn starts, "did you know that Niall has been talking about you non-stop? Going on and on about how he'd like to—"

"Shut the hell up, Zayn," Niall cuts him off, a thump coming from the back.

"Ow."

I look over at Karen and see her suppressing a smile. I'm happy for her but it's weird seeing her crushing hard on someone. I've only ever seen Karen with one other guy and that lasted for about two weeks because she grew tired of him, which I understand because the bloke was beyond annoying.

"Whose idea was it to mini-golf?" I ask because I really want to know why the _hell_ anyone would do that.

"Nialls idea," Liam laughs. "He golfs like every damn day."

"It's a classy sport," Niall says, unbothered.

"Boring sport," Zayn snorts.

"Speak for yourself," Karen says. "I happen to love golf."

They continue their banter, Karen adds in here and there and I just listen, occasionally rolling my eyes at the dumb shit they bicker about.

A few minutes later I hear the sound of a lighter and seconds after that I smell it. And, well of course, I should've expected that they would have a _joint_ on them, they _sell_ it for a living.

The car immediately fills up with smoke and I can tell I'm getting a contact high from it all. A hand comes out to tap Karen's shoulder and she shakes her head.

"Don't smoke when I drive," she says.

"Harry?" Niall says and I turn around, taking the joint from his outstretched hand.

"Cheers," I mumble and turn back around.

Karen chuckles, "when was the last time I heard you say that?"

I shrug and take a hit, "a while ago probably."

"Being around other Brits brings out your roots," Liam says.

I guess that was true. I already felt more British just by listening to them talk to each other.

*

The place was almost empty. Besides us there were probably two other people here, that seemed to be on a date as well.

"Looks fun," Liam says, his eyelids low.

Karen, who even though didn't smoke anything—got a contact high. She rolls her eyes at me, "try to look happy, Harry."

I scowl at her, "shut up."

"Karen and I are gonna go pay," Niall says and grabs Karen's hand, pulling her towards the little stand to pay the entry fee.

Just then my phone starts vibrating. I pull it out of my pocket and see that Nate is calling me. I pull the phone out of my pocket and distance myself from Zayn and Liam as I answer the call.

"Why're you calling? I told you to only text," I sigh.

"Sorry, forgot."

"What do you want?" I lean against the other side of the car.

"Come over? M'roommates gone," he hums.

"Are you drunk?"

"Just a little," he giggles. "Come over and we can get sooo drunk together, Harry."

"Can't. I'm busy, so—"

"Pleeeeeease?"

"Sorry, I'm with Karen," I tell him and he grumbles something incoherent. "Look, I'll text you later alright?"

"Okay. Fine."

I know he's mad but it didn't really bother me because all I had to do was speak again and he'd forget why he was even mad in the first place.

"Bye." I end the call before he can start blabbing.

I pocket my phone and walk around the car to see everyone heading in. Karen hangs back and waits for me.

"Who were you on the phone with?"

"Nate." I shrug.

"Oh. You're _boyfriend_ ," she smirks. "What'd he want?"

I glance at the others, making sure they weren't listening. Usually I wouldn't care if people overheard my conversations but I didn't want them knowing my business. Not yet, anyway.

"What do you think he wants?" I nudge her, "also he's not my boyfriend, you asshole."

"He seems to think you are," she quirks up an eyebrow.

I scowl. "Speaking of boyfriends—why don't you quit bothering me and bother your boyfriend?"

"He's also not my boyfriend," she says and pulls on my arm to quietly say to me, "but I'm planning on making him mine tonight."

I grimace, "disgusting. You're not gonna suck him off at the last hole are you?"

She gapes, "give me some credit, Harry. I'm not that crude."

"Oh but you are," I smirk at her.

"Look who's speaking," she retorts.

We get to the first hole and Niall starts giving instructions, almost like he's done this a million times.

"I like him," I murmur to Karen after a few minutes of everyone messing around at the first hole and Niall trying to get everyone on track.

"Niall?" Karen asks me, surprised.

I shrug, "yeah. He's nice."

Karen grins, "are you approving of him?"

I snort, "I'm the last person to approve of anybody. But I can see you guys working."

And it's my weird way of saying that I'm happy for her but Karen gets it because she grins widely and hugs me, messing up my hair.

I grimace when she pulls away, "if I still cared about my hair I would've made that a big deal."

*

It took us awhile but we're at the last hole. Niall had no problem of course, Liam finished after Niall and then went to smoke in the car while Niall went back to "help" out Karen. And I put emphasis on the help because he went back for her about 15 minutes ago and she still hasn't moved up.

So it was just me and Zayn at the last hole, how lucky am I?

"So," he says and I look up at him, straightening up from the stupid form Niall told us to use. "Who's Nate? Is he that bloke you were in bed with last weekend?"

I furrow my eyebrows, "why're you listening in on my conversations?"

"Well, it was either that or listening to Niall explain the art of golf," he grins, smug.

"Well, it's really none of your business," I mutter.

Zayn swings and we both follow the golf ball with our eyes, watching as it rolls into the hole. He turns back to me, a smile on his lips.

"So he's your boyfriend, then?"

I glare at him, "why do you care?"

"Just wonderin'," he shrugs, nonchalant.

I look down at the golf club and clear my throat, "he isn't."

"So you're just friends?" He asks and I'm confused on why he even cares.

"Something along those lines," I say, indifferent.

He hums, "nice."

"Is it?" I quirk up an eyebrow.

"Guess so. Friends with benefits don't always end nicely though, do they?" He gives me a sly look.

"Ends nicely for me," I shrug.

He chuckles, "right."

*

We end up at Burger King afterwards because I hate McDonalds and Niall shares the feeling. I order burger and fries along with coke and quietly eat while strolling through the text messages Nate keeps sending me.

"Boyfriend bothering you?" Zayn says quietly, leaning into my side.

I look up at him and scowl, "mind your own business."

He grins, "my bad."

I close the phone and place it onto the table.

We all managed to squeeze into a booth, Zayn and I on one side and Karen, Niall and Liam on the other side–Karen halfway in Nialls lap. Niall looks pretty happy about it. By the looks of it, Karen probably achieved her goal tonight.

"Harry, how long have you and Karen known each other?" Niall asks and from the corner of my eye I see Zayn lean forward with interest.

"2 years," I answer.

"He hated me at first," Karen laughs.

"Really? You guys seem close though," Liam wonders.

"Well, we are _now_. Harry hates people but I somehow got under his skin," she shrugs.

"I don't hate _most_ people," I mutter, dipping a fry into ketchup.

Zayn chuckles, "that's hard to believe."

"Isn't it?" Karen agrees.

I eat the fry and shrug. "People are annoying."

"True," Niall nods.

I glance at the three of them, "so where's your other friend? The small one."

"Louis? He's always busy," Zayn says to me.

"Traveling and shit," Niall explains some more.

"Don't let him hear you calling him small, though," Liam smiles, amused.

"He can get quite fussy," Niall adds.

The lads continue with random conversation and at that time my phone starts to ring and 'Mum' is seen on the screen. I purse my lips and silence it.

Karen quirks up an eyebrow, quietly questioning who was calling me.

A second after my phone screen turns black, it lights up again with a text message.

 **Mum:** Where are you, Harry? It's 9pm. Get home now.

I internally groan and text back an 'alright'.

"Sorry to end the party to early, but I gotta get back home," I announce.

"Oh, I forgot you guys go to school," Niall says, patting Karen's thigh. "It's cool, lets go."

*

After dropping off Niall, Liam and Zayn Karen drives me home.

"So, you had a good night?" She asks, turning her head to glance at me.

"No," I say even though I did, but I knew she just wanted to say some smart shit.

"Yes you did," she grins. "They're nice people, right?"

I squint my eyes at her, "they're whatever."

She doesn't believe me though because she continues to grin smugly. "Right."


	7. 0.7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter ! I hope you enjoy this, I really liked writing it. I have a ton of things planned for this story but the process is slow so I thank you all for being patient with me.  
> Xoxo !!

I wake up to the sound of a vacuum literally right next to my ear. I groan, covering my face with my hands.

"Linda, _why_." I grumble.

"Good morning, Harry."

I open my eyes and see the red headed lady vacuuming my room, a smile on her face. "You could've gave me a few more minutes," I mumble.

"It's time to get up, love. I made you some breakfast, it's in the kitchen," she says and turns off the vacuum.

"Thanks," I stuff my face into the pillow.

"See you downstairs," she says and heads out of the room, dragging the vacuum behind her.

Linda has been our housekeeper since I was 10. And honestly I consider her family more than my actual parents. Linda is a sweet lady—when she's not rudely waking me up in the morning. But I care about her—which is more than I can say for my parents. Linda used to take care of me back when I was a kid and my parents weren't home, which was frequently. I don't appreciate much, but I appreciate her.

I get out of bed almost willingly because I smell freshly brewed coffee and my stomach starts rumbling.

The time I spend in the bathroom is quick, but dressing and fixing my hair is much quicker and within 20 minutes I'm downstairs, scoping the food Linda has prepared.

"Coffee, please," I say to her, and take the steaming mug of black coffee from her hands.

"Some muffins for Karen," she points to the island where a plate was placed with a few muffins on it.

"You spoil her more than you spoil me," I mutter and sit down on one of the bar stools.

"Because she appreciates it," she teases, ruffling my hair.

"I appreciate you, Lins," I roll my eyes.

She smiles, "I know."

The two of us eat and drink our coffee together like we've been doing for years. Linda usually drinks tea in the mornings and I used to drink it as well but coffee helps keep me awake more than tea does.

As soon as I finish my last bite of eggs, I get a text from Karen.

 **Karen:** Out front. Also don't forget my muffins, you fuck.

She was a bit bitter because I forgot them yesterday morning. It was an _honest_ mistake.

"Alright," I pick up my school bag from the floor and put it on. "I'll see you after school, Linda."

"Bye, love," Linda says and stands up to put away the remaining of the food.

I grab the plate of muffins and head out. I walk out the front gates and they close behind me as I make my way to Karen's red Jeep.

"Ooh! Chocolate!" Karen squeals and grabs the plate from my hand before I can even shut the door.

I shut the door and throw my school bag onto the floor. "Fancy skipping today?"

Karen throws me a disapproving look, "Harold."

"I was just kidding," I roll my eyes. Meredith was still checking up on me every-fucking-day, I can't even take a piss without a teacher looking over my shoulder.

"You know your birthday is coming up," she tells me as she starts to drive off.

"You don't have to remind me of my own birthday, Karen." I pull down the sun visor and ruffle my hair, not really satisfied with it today. "Might cut my hair soon," I mutter.

"Your hair is finally annoying you, eh?" She smirks, "you should let me cut it."

I look at her like she's crazy, "that's the last thing that I would ever do."

"Come on," she rolls her eyes. "I give my brother hair cuts all the time and he never complains."

"He's 7." I deadpan.

"What? 7 years olds can't have opinions?" She raises an eyebrow.

"You're not touching my hair with your dirty little hands," I snort. I may not pay that much attention to my hair anymore but I wasn't gonna let Karen fuck it up.

"So dramatic," she sighs.

*

They're doing blood typing in biology today. Mr Barns thought it would be neat if everyone knew what their blood type was so everyone was stabbing their fingers with very sharp needles. A few girls—the ones that sought attention—squealed very loudly when the boys stuck their bloody fingertips in their faces.

I'm a bit squeamish around blood, but this was fine since it was basically only a couple of small drops.

"So what type are you?" Nate asks, leaning over to look at the small card in front of me that had my blood smeared on it

"AB-negative," I mumble pressing down on the tip of my finger before I _actually_ pass out.

"Wow. That's rare," Nate points out.

"I know."

"I'm A-positive," he informs me even though I didn't ask.

I just nod, wiping the end of my finger with a disinfectant little wet wipe.

"So," he clears his throat and I look over at him and for the first time notice his haircut. His honey brown hair was much shorter than before when it was almost down to his shoulders. He looked better this way. Oh god, do I look like that? Is that why Karen keeps pressing me to get a haircut?

"Come over tonight? It's been awhile," he catches my gaze towards his hair and runs his fingers through it, giving me a smile.

I turn back to what I was doing and shrug, "I'll see."

From the corner of my eye I see Nate frown, but the bell rings and I'm quick to put everything away, not giving him a chance to say whatever was bothering him.

"I'll text you," I say to him as I walk out from behind the blacktop desk and towards the classroom front door.

*

 **Harry:** where the fuck are you?

 **Harry:** did you forget that you're my ride?

 **Harry:** I'm gonna murder you.

 **Karen:** sorry! I didn't have my phone with me, mom took it but I just snuck it back.

 **Karen:** but I'm not at school. I got into some trouble with a substitute teacher and they had my mom come pick me up. Well, she came to the school but we drove home separately.

 **Karen:** anyway, don't worry. someone should be there to pick you up right about now :)

 **Harry:** who?

And as soon as I send that message a roaring motorcycle comes to a stop about 10 feet from me. It was Zayn.

"Am I late?" He shuts off the bike and grins at me while almost everyone in the school parking lot stops and stares at him like he's some Greek god. "Karen said 2:30?"

I sigh, "what the hell. You couldn't come in a normal car?"

"What's wrong with this?" He questions, easily amused by my annoyance.

"I'm not riding a motorcycle," I deadpan. "I'd rather walk."

Zayn rolls his eyes, running his fingers through his silky, perfectly styled, dark hair. "Get on, Styles. Don't be a baby."

I narrow my eyes at him, but take a step towards the motorcycle. "Shut up." I say as I climb onto the back, vanilla and rosemary filling my nostrils. He smelled very good, I hate to admit.

"Hold tight," he tells me and I groan under my breath as I wrap my arms tightly around his torso. Zayn chuckled and starts up the motorcycle.

I don't even worry about the fact that he may not remember where my house is, but I didn't care because I was too busy squeezing my eyes shut as we sped off.

My hair was whipping around and all I could hear was the air rushing past my ears. It was cold, too, so my cheeks got numb after 5 minutes of us zipping around. I don't know how fast we were going but I couldn't bring myself to open my eyes and find out.

Moments later we come to a stop an I almost fall off the seat but I grip tighter, letting out a breathy gasp.

"Fuck," I open my eyes and see the still ground.

Zayn lets out a boisterous laugh, "fun, yeah?"

I peel my fingers off of his jacket and stumble off the motorcycle, "no. Absolutely _not_."

"I'm gonna assume that was the first time you've ever ridden a motorcycle?" He smirks.

"What do you think?" I scowl and that's when I notice that we're not at my house. I furrow my eyebrows, "where are we?"

We were parked in front of a decently sized random house, white with a blue trim and a green yard in front.

"This is Louis' place," Zayn says, suddenly beside me. He looks down at me, a wide grin on his face. "I'm starving."

I glare at him as he walks in front of me. "You could've eaten before you left," I mutter and follow after him.

"What was that?" He turns around with his hand on the door handle, smirking.

I clench my jaw and ignore him, walking through the door he held open. Immediately I hear laughter and chatter coming from the TV.

"Yo!" Zayn shouts, closing the front door and laughing at agitated look on my face.

"Oi!" A voice I haven't heard before shouts back.

I sigh. What the fuck was I doing here? I honestly should've walked away from Zayn the second I saw him and should've asked Nate for a ride instead. But instead of doing that I'm now here with him in someone's fucking house.

"Follow me, Harry," he places his hand on my shoulder to guide me.

I shrug his hand off, "I can walk."

He grins widely and nods, "I'm sure that you can."

I glower and walk side-by-side with him to the wide open space ahead of us, where I'm pretty positive is where the noise is coming from.

"Harold!" Niall bounds off the couch and towards me, a wide grin on his face. He wraps me in a quick hug and I stand there frozen, taken aback. He pulls back and looks at me, taking in my face that I tried to quickly change into something pleasant because for some reason I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Niall looks between Zayn and I and bursts out laughing which broke me, I scowl at him. "Did Zayn kidnap you?"

I clear my throat, not even the slightest amused. "Yes."

Zayn laughs too, "I would barely put Harry in the "kid" category."

That's when I notice everyone else. Liam sat on the edge of the light grey couch, next to a much smaller person—Louis I'm guessing, who sat next to a redhead and all their eyes were trained on the television screen as they played a game—Mortal Kombat by the look of it.

I look away from them and narrow eyes at Zayn. "Can you eat already?"

Zayn looks down at me and smiles, "we'll be in the kitchen, Niall."

Niall nods and heads back to the couch and we go to the kitchen which is right around the coroner from the living area. We reach the kitchen and the wall blocks us from the view of the other boys. The kitchen was nice, black granite countertops and white cabinets.

"This is Louis' place?" I ask, curious.

"Yeah. Well, he rents it with Ed," Zayn explains, gesturing towards a bar stool.

"The redhead," I recall and sit down.

Zayn smiles, "Ed isn't an American citizen, he only has a visa and those expire so he stays with Louis for however long he can before he has to go back to England to renew his visa—which can be a pain in the ass."

I raise an eyebrow up at him, "you're a citizen?"

"We all are," he rolls his eyes, amused by my tone.

It was surprising. I don't know why but in the back of my head I pictured the four of them being smuggled in by a cargo ship.

"How long have you lived here?" I ask.

"5 years," he answers and begins to make some turkey and mayo sandwiches. "You?"

I furrow my brows, not expecting him to ask me. "Since I was 7," I glance at him to see his reaction.

"Wow," he juts out his bottom lip, seeming too interested in my dumb answer. "That's long."

"Yeah," I clear my throat and look away from him.

"Do you remember..." he trials off, and I look back at him. "Where were you born? Never caught that."

"Um...I was raised in Cheshire," I mutter.

"Hm. Nice," he smiles and it looked like a sincere smile, I guess.

I clear my throat and run my fingers through my hair for something to do. I was out of my comfort zone and my hands needed to do something so I didn't feel so awkward. "And you?"

His hazel eyes look up from the wheat bread and startlingly meet my mine. "Bradford," he grins, the corner of his eyes crinkling up and his white teeth showing. "Have you ever been?"

I shake my head, "I've never been outside of Cheshire."

"Do you miss it?"

And I wonder how we got here—talking about our olds homes and what we miss when a few minutes ago I wanted to report him for kidnapping me. I didn't like it.

I shrug dismissively, "I don't remember much of it."

The corners of his lips turn upwards and he looks back down at the sandwiches, "the U.K. isn't all people cut it out to be."

I stare at his profile for a second before shifting my eyes away. I look around the kitchen and notice how everything is clean and pristine—doesn't seem at all that two 20-something-year-old men live here.

"Why don't you live with Louis?" I find myself asking.

"Well," Zayn sounded amused. "Louis and I argue too much," he says and I look at him and find him smiling—not bothered. "We tried living together but we almost killed each other. Not exactly fun. So I share a flat—apartment—with Niall. He's a bit less tense than Louis."

I hum, nodding slightly. When I picture Zayn and Louis next to each other I don't see Louis trying to fight Zayn. Zayn is lean but he's a bit more muscular than Louis. But at the same time I don't think Louis is the type to take shit from someone. I've only spoke with him once and from what I can remember he was quite intense but he didn't seem that way on the couch. I think I even saw a grin on the smaller lads face as he played against either Liam or Ed.

"Louis and I are great friends though," Zayn breaks me out of my reverie and I notice he's looking at me, probably thinking that I thought he and Louis were mortal enemies. "I consider him a brother," he flashes a toothy side grin. "Brothers fight sometimes, don't they?"

My stomach twists a little and I drop my eyes, "guess so." I mutter.

From the corner of my eye I see Zayn furrow his brows and return to making the sandwiches.

I hear the almost silent scrape of a plate being placed in front of me and I see the sandwich on top of it. I shake my head, "I'm not hungry."

"Yeah," Zayn says and I see him smile. "I spent a lot of time making these, Styles."

I purse my lips and pull the plate closer to me.

"Drink?" He questions and I sigh.

"Water."

He turns around to walk to the fridge and returns with two bottles of water, setting one down in front of me and one in front of himself.

"Be right back," he says and picks up the other plate stacked with sandwiches and leaves the kitchen.

I let out a big breath of air. Fuck, what was _happening_? Why wasn't I opposed to talking to him? Why was I even asking him questions about his life? I couldn't tell if I cared or if I was just trying to be polite.

I hear Zayn coming back and stuff a bite into my mouth so I wouldn't be compelled to ask him more stupid fucking questions.

Zayn's dark hair falls from its perfectly slicked back style and he pushes it back, giving me a puzzled look before he smiles. He smiles a lot, I noticed.

He starts eating and we sit in silence. It was a nice silence...comfortable which doesn't happen often with me. Normally when it's silent I feel weird and feel the need to leave. But not now, which should've been weird but it wasn't. Being around Zayn was strangely calming.

After a few minutes of small talk and eating Zayn gets up and take away the empty plates and water bottles. Then he returns and stands next to me.

"So," he smiles timidly. "I should probably get you home, huh?"

I stand and step away once I realize that I almost bumped into him. I clear my throat, "probably."

He grins then and leads the way, seeming to suppress a chuckle. I walk after him, my hands in my pockets.

Niall, Liam, Louis and Ed are all drinking beers on the couch, laughing just like when we first came into the house but this time they weren't playing a game, they were just talking amongst each other.

"See ya, gents," Zayn says to them, slapping Louis on the back of the head before walking to the hallway that lead to the front door. Louis' head whips around and he glares at Zayn but then his eyes land on me and he smirks, almost suggestively. I look away from him and follow Zayn into the hallway.

"See you later, Harry!" Niall bellows.

Zayn holds the door open for me again and I walk out, he follows behind and closes the door.

My mood turns sour once again when I lay eyes on the motorcycle.

Zayn notices and chuckles, "come on. It's not that bad."

"It's terrifying," I mutter.

"You'll learn to love it," he grins and gets on, turning the death machine on.

I don't know if I liked what he was implying.

Besides my better wishes, I get on the thing. I wrap my arms around Zayn, my chest touching his back just a little bit. He revs the engine and I grab fistfuls of his jacket and squeeze my eyes shut.

Not much longer—thanks to Zayn's ridiculous speeding—we're parked in front of the gates of my house. For some reason to me it paled in comparison to Louis' quaint home.

"You can open your eyes," Zayn says and I open them, breathing a breath of relief.

"Ugh," I stumble off the bike and shake my head, feeling a bit dizzy.

"Next time I'll bring a car," he says, sounding bad for me.

"Let's hope there isn't a next time," I mutter and he laughs.

Zayn grins, hazel eyes sparkling. "I'll see you soon, Harry."

Then he drives away, beautiful hair whipping in the wind.


	8. 0.8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy this update. Probably won't update for the next week and a half due to the fact that I'm going to be attending a wedding hundreds of miles from where I live now. But I definitely have a lot planned for this story. Thank you for you time :)

The next morning I text Karen and ask her if she's coming to school today.

 **Karen:** yes but my mom is dropping me off. doesn't trust me to drive myself to school anymore I guess.

 **Karen:** ALSO you're a fucker

 **Harry:** why am I a fucker?

 **Karen:** just get your ass to school

I furrow my brows and put away my phone. "Alright. I'll see you after school, Linda." I say and stand up from the barstool.

"Okay, love." Linda smiles and I quickly wave before heading to the door.

Because I had a feeling that Karen wouldn't have her car I asked my dad last night if I could borrow one of the other cars. My mom threw a tantrum but my dad handed me the keys and told me to take care of it like he does every time. I mean, I'm not as incompetent as they seem to think I am.

It's raining today, the sky filled with ominous clouds. Normally I wouldn't care but I cut my hair yesterday after being dropped off at home and I styled it a certain way so it wasn't so obvious that I had cut it. But the rain was making it a bit difficult to maintain.

I sigh and unlock the doors. I start up the car and instantly turn the heater on.

The drive to school was short and uneventful. I park the car and get out of it, walking quickly to the entrance before I get drenched.

I see Karen by her locker and walk up to her, preparing for some yelling.

"Hey."

She smirks at me, her blonde hair in two braids that were attached to her scull. Looked painful. "I heard you spent all afternoon with Zayn yesterday," she gets straight to the point.

"It wasn't even 2 hours," I roll my eyes. "And how do you even know about that?"

"Niall mentioned you were over at Louis' house," she shrugs.

"Wasn't there for long," I purse my lips.

"What'd you guys do?" She turns back over to her locker and uses the mirror attached to the inside of her locker to apply something to her face.

"Nothing. Just ate sandwiches," I mutter.

She glances at me and stares for 5 seconds, her blue eyes staring me down. "You cut your hair," she says and turns back to the mirror.

I reach up to touch my damp hair. "Yesterday."

"Looks good. You're finally handsome again," she teases.

"Thanks," I roll my eyes.

*

"Good morning, Harry."

"Morning."

Meredith smiles as she analyzes me, she seemed pleased. "You seem happy this morning."

I furrow my brows, suspicious, "do I?"

She nods, brushing some hair behind her ear. "Your tone is different. Do you mind sharing what's got you in such a good mood?"

I shift on the armchair, suddenly uncomfortable. "I'm not in a good mood."

Meredith nods, catching on. "So, the reason I brought you in today—"

"You mean there's an _actual_ reason this time? Wow." I say sarcastically and Meredith chuckles.

"I suppose this would be good news for you," she begins. "You've been doing very well lately. Your teachers say you're coming to class on time and you're actually completing your work when you're supposed to. It's great progress, Harry."

I purse my lips, not knowing where this was going. She was either gonna tell me something I want to hear or either shit on me.

"I was thinking telling the teachers to back off and let you go to your classes by yourself since I can trust that you'll do so now," she says and I hate how it sounds like I'm a little child who can't walk in a straight line without guidance. "But in order to for that to happen I would need to have a meeting with your parents—you'd be there also."

I narrow my eyes, "a family therapy session."

"I guess you could put it that way," she nods.

I snort, "good luck trying to get them to come. They're barely ever home so I doubt they'll come to a therapy session revolving around me."

Meredith's eyebrows slightly pull up, "you don't think they'd make time out of their day to help you?"

"My dad will," I say. "But my mum will not."

"Then I think it's important for me to speak with only your mom since she's the one that supposedly would have a problem with it." Meredith says and I don't get what her game plan is supposed to be.

"She definitely will have a problem with it," I mutter.

"I'll give her a call. Do you think you can try to talk to her tonight about why it's important she come?"

"No."

Meredith nods, "alright. I'll call her then. Until then, you'll continue to have supervisors."

*

There was a new student in biology today. His name was Isak and he was pretty good looking. Isak ended up being my partner since my old one got suspended a week ago for something I didn't care to remember.

Isak was nice, quiet, not overly-friendly. He introduced himself and then kept to himself like I liked. We chatted now and then as we worked on a new lab.

I learned that he was from _Seattle_ and when I asked him why on earth he would leave Seattle and come here out of all the places in the US he laughed and shrugged, explaining that his mum wanted a new start which was code for his parents got divorced and his mum needed to get away from her husband—I'm assuming.

I noticed that some of the girls—along with some guys—were watching us, probably wondering when I got a new heart and decided to talk to people again.

Class eventually ends and Isak asks me to help him find his next class.

I take the schedule as we walk out the classroom door and go down the list of classes until I see 5th period. I almost laugh. "Well, you have history which is all the way down that hall. You also have it with my friend Karen."

Isak smiles, "is she hot?"

"I'd say so," I snort. "But only if you had gotten here 3 weeks earlier when she _didn't_ have a boyfriend."

Isak chuckles, "dammit."

"Just a bit too late," I say.

"What about you?" He asks and I scoff up a laugh.

"What _about_ me?"

"Girlfriend? Boyfriend?" He questions.

"Fortunately no," I squint my eyes slightly.

Isak seems amused, "not for it?"

"Doesn't appeal to me," I turn to look at him, lips pursed. "And you?" It's only fair that I get to know, as well.

"No," he smiles. "Fortunately."

I let out a small laugh, "not appealing?"

"Correct," he says and the corners of his bluish-green eyes crinkle up as he grins.

We're in front of the history classroom and inside I can see Karen, chatting animatedly to her friends.

"I'll introduce you to Karen," I tell him and I'm wondering why I'm so nice to him. Maybe because he was new and the gossip hadn't caught him yet.

We walk into history and Karen spots me, she stops her conversation and rushes up to me, pulling me into a hug.

"My boy!" She grins, then she notices Isak next to me. "Oh, hi. Are you new?"

And of course Karen would recognize a new face, she was practically friends with everyone in this school.

"Yes. I'm Isak," he grins at her and I can tell he's flirting.

Karen grins back but hers is more friendly, "nice to meet you! I'm Karen."

"Well," I heave a sigh and give them a close-lipped smile, "no need for me to linger any longer."

"Oh," Karen stops me before I can leave. "The lads were asking to hang out again sometime soon."

I furrow my brows, "tell them I'm busy."

Karen gives me a disapproving look, "no, you're not, Harold. Come on, it was so much fun last time."

I purse my lips and my gaze shifts to Isak, who looks amused by our interaction. "If Isak joins us, I'll go."

Karen whips back to Isak and grins widely, "great! It's a plan."

Isak narrow his eyes at me, "appreciate it."

I grin, "sorry, mate."

"Oh, you'll love the lads—"

"Stop calling them that."

"—they're great people, very fun. You'll have fun," Karen squeals.

The bell rings.

"I need to get to class, can't be late. Text me the time," I tell Karen and throw a small wave at Isak who rolls his eyes at me, a smile on his lips.

*

I get home and notice my parents are here, which is odd.

I walk through the front doors and smell food. My parents are in the kitchen, on their laptops, papers around them while Linda is by the stove cooking.

Linds looks up and sees me, instantly smiling. "Harry, hi love."

"Hey, Lin."

My parents look up then, dad greets me, asking me how school was. I answer him and head over to give Linda a hug and kiss on the cheek.

"Your mom is a bit on edge today," she warns me.

I roll my eyes, "when is she not?"

"Harry go upstairs and clean up for dinner," mum orders me and I glare at her.

I wonder if Meredith has called her.

"I'll eat in my room." I mutter.

She audibly sighs, not arguing any further.

"Are you not feeling well?" Dad asks me, concerned.

"I just have a lot of homework to do," I say to him.

I go upstairs and take a shower, standing motionless for a few minutes. I leave the bathroom and get dressed in shorts and a shirt with some stupid joke written on it.

I start on my maths homework, growing annoyed as I go through the problems on the paper. It wasn't hard, just really fucking dumb.

Linda then enters my room, carrying a platter with food on it.

I sigh. "I was going to come down and get it myself, Lin."

Linda wave some off, putting the platter on the desk. "I wanted to check up on you anyway."

I raise an eyebrow, "check up on me? Why?"

Linda sits across from me and smiles softly, her light brown eyes on me. "Your mom got a call from your counselor earlier today."

I clench my jaw, I could guess what was coming next.

"Your counselor wanted a meeting but your mum told her she didn't have time for it," Linda tells me.

"Yeah I kind of knew she would say that," I sigh and run my fingers through my hair, almost missing how long it used to be.

"Your counselor is resilient though," Linda smiles. "She cares about you."

I bite the inside of my cheek and shake my head, "right."

"Look, I'll try to talk to your mom, okay? I'll get her to go."

I nod, "okay."

At this point I didn't care about the meeting anymore. The teachers can follow around me for the rest of their lives but I'll never ask my mum to go to the meeting, I'll never stoop that low.


	9. 0.9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyooo!! Another chapter just a few weeks late, sorry. I just got back home after a semi-long trip. I wrote this chapter on an airplane sitting next to a little kid so there's that. Anyway, I hope you like this chapter because I consider it to be one of the chapters that helps the story to be what is it. There will be plenty of interaction between Harry and Zayn after this chapter mostly because I'm tired of waiting for the perfect time to make them hang out again. 
> 
> Anyway, leave a comment or a kudos if you enjoyed and let me know your opinions of the chapter, I'd appreciate it a lot :) xo

**Karen:** yo the lads want to hang out this weekend. saturday around 5. that good for you?

 **Harry:** sure. I'll let Isak know tomorrow when I see him

 **Karen:** don't bother, I'll text him and tell him

 **Harry:** you have his number?

 **Karen:** yeah, I asked for it

 **Harry:** don't let Niall find out ;)

 **Karen:** shut up idiot

 **Karen:** anyway. what did your mom say about the therapy sesh?

 **Harry:** absolutely nothing

 **Karen:** of course

 **Harry:** yup

 **Harry:** whatever. it's 1 am so goodnight

 **Karen:** night grandpa

 **Harry:** suck a dick

 **Karen:** only if it's Nialls ayyyyyyy

 **Harry:** I actually hate you so much right now

*

In biology I see Isak at our table, his messy blond hair hidden behind a hat.

"Harold," he grins when he sees me approaching.

I groan, shaking my head. "Karen's brainwashed your mind already."

"She's a very interesting person," he muses.

"She's probably spread propaganda against me," I roll my eyes.

"Not much," the corner of his mouth lifts upwards.

"Did she tell you our plans for tomorrow?" I ask and start pulling out the homework that's due today.

Isak snorts, "she literally just told me the time and asked for my address."

"Okay so we're on the same page," I laugh.

Nate enters the room then and I almost forgot that he was in this class. I don't think he was here yesterday. I furrow my brows as he sits down at his seat. Usually he comes over to where I am and we talk until class starts.

"Uh, I'll be back." I tell Isak and get up from my seat and start walking towards Nate's table.

Nate had a slight frown on his face as he scrolled aimlessly through his phone, which was weird since he was almost always smiling.

"Hey," I say to him and he looks up.

"Hey," he says and he sounds tired, looks like it too.

"You weren't here yesterday," I point out.

"I was busy," he answers and I'm not used to _him_ being the vague one.

I purse my lips and notice the slight bags under his eyes, "are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he puts on a smile but I've been around Nate long enough to know when he's genuinely smiling and when it's a fake one.

"Are you sure?"

He nods, "yes."

I look at him for a second. Obviously there's something going on with him that's bothering him and I would feel like a horrible person if I just accepted what he said and walked away.

"Do you want to hang out tonight?" I ask him which feels weird since he always initiates this first but I can tell he needed someone with him.

Nate looks confused, " _you're_ asking me?"

I crack a smile, "yes."

A small smile forms on his lips and he nods, "okay."

"Alright. How's a little bit after school work for you?" I ask and it's weird but I would be heartless if I didn't try to understand what was bugging him so much.

"That's fine," he says.

I nod, "okay. I'll see you then."

When I'm satisfied with his response I head back to my table where Isak was watching me, eyebrow raised.

"Who's that?" Isak asks as I sit down next to him.

"Nate. A friend," I answer him and I can see the smirk starting to form.

"A friend?"

"Yes," I kick at his chair.

"Just curious."

*

"So are you gonna tell me where we're hanging out tomorrow?" I ask Karen as she lays down in the grass, her short shirt exposing more of her belly.

"Uhh, Niall suggested we maybe go to the beach. They want to play soccer. Then we go eat somewhere," she shrugs plucking blades of grass.

"The beach," I repeat. "Which one?"

"Southshore," she answers. "Niall and Zayn live near it."

I nod, "sounds good."

Karen looks at me suspiciously, "you've been weirdly positive these past few days."

"Well I haven't been annoyed very much lately," I snort.

"It's weird."

"Do you prefer I sulk and be depressed?" I raise an eyebrow.

"No, I love this. It just means that you'll agree to more of my ideas now," she flashes a wide grin.

I scoff, "right."

Karen laughs quietly, then she sits up. "What do you think of Isak?"

"What do I think of Isak?"

"Yeah."

"Well," I shrug. "He's nice. Doesn't annoy me."

"Do you think he likes you?" She asks, plucking more grass.

"In what way?" I ask even though I know Karen loves match-making.

"A like-like way," she smiles in amusement at her own words.

I purse my lips, "probably not."

"What? Do you think you're unlikeable?"

"I'm think I'm hard to like," I say. "I'm not sure, I've never like-liked myself before."

She rolls her eyes at me, "seriously though."

"Seriously what?" I sigh.

"Why do you always think that people aren't romantically attracted to you?" She frowns at me, seeming almost upset about my sad nonexistent love life.

"I know Nate is romantically attracted to me," I shrug.

"Nate has been in love with you since you first moved here," she rolls her eyes. "Doesn't count."

I lick my lips and give her a plain look, "don't know what else say to you then."

"I think that because you don't love yourself you think other people can never love you," she says.

I'm quiet for a few seconds. "Do you want to take Meredith's place as my therapist? I feel like you'd do a much better job, you know. You're straight forwards and Meredith likes dancing along the edges which isn't very effective with me."

Karen scowls at me, "I should've expected that you'd make a joke."

I smile at her, "maybe I haven't found the one, Karen. Have you ever thought of _that_?"

She scoffs, "I know you don't believe that shit."

I laugh, "of course not."

*

I knock on the front door a couple of times and it opens up, revealing Nate.

"Hey," I greet him and walk into the apartment after taking my shoes off at the door.

"Was the drive okay? It's raining a lot," he says, walking after me as I head into his bedroom.

"Wasn't bad," I shrug.

"Want a drink?" He asks me, and I can see how clean his hair was which meant he probably just took a shower.

"What do you have?" I take my jacket off and sit on his bed.

"Vodka, whiskey and some rum my roommate bought the other night," he lists off.

"I'll take the whiskey."

"Alright, be right back." Nate turns around and leaves the bedroom.

Nate's apartment was a nice size for two people, his roommate isn't often home though. It was pretty clean which I liked and it was furnished nicely.

Nate comes back with two glasses of whiskey and ice. I take the glass from him and he sits down next to me.

I take a sip before speaking, "so. You were upset today at school."

Nate furrows his brow and takes a drink from his glass, he exhales. "Yeah."

"What happened?"

Nate purses his lips, "why are you concerned about it?"

I look down at my drink and it takes almost everything in me to admit, "because I care."

Nate sighs, obviously distraught. "Uh, two nights ago my older sister... she uh, she was diagnosed with cancer."

"I'm sorry, that's horrible." I say, quietly. I wasn't expecting him to say that, wasn't expecting it to be so serious.

"Yeah," Nate says, equally as quiet. "Stage 2."

"How's the rest of your family doing?" I ask. Nate's mum is friends with mine and they usually throw events together and I wonder if my mum knows.

"They're worried," he says and then sighs. "Can we change the subject, please?"

"Of course," I nod.

We talk of other things until I sense Nate's mood lift. I lean in to kiss him when he smiles a genuine smile, which catches him by surprise. It surprises me too but I don't stop.

Pretty soon I manage to strip us both of our clothes and Nate is under me, eyes closed. It's been awhile since we've been in this position but it felt familiar.

*

People I didn't know were running around my house today, clipboards in their hands while they shouted things at no one in particular.

Mum was planning another banquet, which helped me make sense of why she was around so much lately.

I walk to the kitchen and see Linda talking to a red-haired woman. I wait until they're done to talk to Linda.

"What's going on?" I ask her.

"Your parents are throwing a banquet for their company. Apparently it's doing beyond well," she says as we both watch the dozens of people running around each other.

"How modest," I snort.

"You're attending, yes?"

I look at her like she's crazy, "who do take me for, Linda?"

"I'm going so you are too, mister." She raises an eyebrow, daring me to challenge her.

"Wha—why the hell do you want to go to this thing?" I ask, baffled. Linda worked for my parents but after all these years she's literally family so she could easily back out of things but she's actually going to this banquet.

"Your mother asked me to attend, I couldn't say no," she rolls her eyes at me.

I sigh. "Why are you trying to kill me?"

"Buck up, it won't be bad," she nudges me.

I sigh and pull my phone out. "I'm gonna shoot myself at the banquet and cause a scene," I mutter.

"I'll film it," Linda smiles.

Right on time, I get a text from Karen telling me to come outside.

"Well, I gotta go. Have fun watching this shit storm," I grin at Linda and walk away as she rolls her eyes.

Karen's car is parked in front of the house, she waves at me through the windshield. I climb in and close the door with a hefty sigh.

"You know I didn't even have to enter a code to get through the gates? They just left them wide open," she laughs.

"People have been coming in and out since this morning," I tell her as she starts driving through the multiple parked cars on the driveway.

"What's happening anyway?"

"Banquet."

"Oof. Those are the worst," she chuckles. "You going?"

"Linda is making me," I mutter.

"Linda is great at forcing people to do things," Karen nods.

"She guilt-trips me."

"Speaking of guilt-trips," she turns to smirk at me. "What're those?"

She points at my neck and I slap her hand away.

"It wasn't a guilt-trip."

"Thought you didn't like hickies," she says, trying to get smart.

"They last too long," I mumble.

"So if it lasted for a day then you'd be okay with them?" She questions.

"Maybe if it lasted for a few seconds, then yes."

"So high maintenance," Karen shakes her head.

"Fuck off," I scoff.

She sends me a grin. "We're picking up Isak, he actually doesn't live too far from you."

"How surprising, we only live in the _smallest_ town ever."

"No need for the smart-ass comments, okay?" She glares at me.

"Then what else will I do?"

Karen ignores me, rolling her eyes.

We reach Isak's house and he walks out a minute after Karen sends him a text. The weather was actually nice today so he wore pale blue shorts and a short-sleeved button up with vans, similar to what I was wearing but my shorts were khaki and my button up had red roses on it.

"Harold, Karen. Nice day, eh?" He grins at me when I narrow my eyes at him.

"Nice to see you on this beautiful day, Isak." Karen grins at him, ignoring the annoyed look I was throwing her way.

We start driving towards the beach. Karen notified us that everyone else was already there.

I assumed that Ed, Louis' roommate, would be there since he was in the states as Zayn had informed me a few days ago.

I see the light brown sand and the ocean soon enough, a few minutes later though I see 5 men on the beach kicking around a football.

"You'll love the lads, Isak." Karen says to him, making me roll my eyes. They aren't that _great_. Also the word _lad_ was still annoying me.

The beach isn't huge, it's a decent size for this town. There's a bigger beach a few minutes out of town that most of the people go to during the summer. It was around 5pm so there weren't that many people on the beach. It was us and a handful of other people further down the beach.

I get out the car and stand by Isak as Karen walks ahead of us.

"How'd you meet these guys?" Isak asks, putting his hands into the pockets of his shorts.

"They were at Karen's party a few weeks ago," I tell him.

"How old are they?"

"In their 20's I think," I look at him, chuckling at his reaction.

Isak and I reach everyone else a minute after Karen does. Karen starts introducing everyone and I'm glad she's the 'social butterfly' one out of our group because I would've hated saying all those names.

"Guys, this is Isak. He just moved here," Karen grins and puts a hand on Isak's shoulder. Isak smiles politely at everyone. Then Karen starts introducing the others and I realize that I'm following along as she says the names. I stop on Zayn, who was already looking at me with a smirk.

"Where'd you move from?" Liam asks.

And then like old friends Isak starts chatting with everyone, instantly fitting in. They start talking about playing some football and I wander away before they can try to rope into the game. There's a large piece of driftwood a few feet away and I sit on it, watching.

"Not playing, Styles?" Zayn taunts me, his hazel eyes mischievous.

"I'm good. You guys enjoy yourselves," I shout back.

Karen joins them in playing. Playing football in the sand was difficult but everyone seemed to be doing okay. A few minutes into the game Liam and Niall start tackling each other and for a second I think that Liam's buff arms almost snap Niall in half but they hop up from the sand, laughing. Then it just turns into messing with each other.

Isak jogs over to me, looking a bit out of breath.

"Why're you just sitting by yourself, Harry?" He sits next to me, his shoulder bumping into mine.

"I don't play football."

"Does that look like soccer to you?" Isak laughs, looking back at the rowdy men as they push each other and throw sand around.

"Guess not," I crack a smile.

We're quiet for a little bit and it was relaxing. There was a slight breeze and the waves crashed against the sand, which resulted in Karen and Niall running away from the shore. Niall picks Karen up, quickly walking to the water as Karen screams.

"I'm assuming that Niall's her boyfriend?" Isak questions.

"Yeah. They just started dating not long ago," I answer.

"Dammit," Isak says but there's an amused look on his face. "She'll never leave him for me."

I scoff and shake my head, "what kind of attitude is _that_?"

Isak glances at me and rolls his eyes. "It's not appealing, remember?"

I nod, playing along. "Right. How could I forget."

Isak chuckles softly, looking back at the people in front of us. "This has got to be the quickest I've made friends, I think."

"Really? People at your old school didn't like you?" I smirk.

"No, they just wanted to fuck me," he smirks back.

I purse my lips, "sounds about right."

There's a short silence then Isak leans back a bit to grab something out of the pocket of his shorts. It's a pack of Newports. He takes one out and offers it to me.

I shake my head, "I don't smoke." That was a lie, I smoke regularly—or I used to, but I've been trying to stop the nasty habit.

"You don't?" Isak raises an eyebrow in slight surprise.

"I don't do cigarettes anymore. I prefer to ruin my body with alcohol instead," I say and hear Isak chuckle softly.

"Yeah," he sticks a cigarette in between his lips and lights it, putting the pack away. It looked tempting as some smoke curls out from his mouth and around us.

"Gotta say though," I start. "I definitely misjudged you."

"How so?"

"When I first saw you I thought you were a good boy," I smirk when he rolls his eyes at me.

"Same here," he nudges me, teasing. "I saw a boy with bouncy curls and big green eyes."

"Big green eyes," I snort. "I hope they looked dead to you—I've been working on that."

"Definitely. No life in them at all," he nods, acting serious.

I scoff a laugh quietly, shaking my head. "I'm gonna enjoy our time together while it lasts, Isak."

"What? Have you already grown tired of me?" Isak frowns.

"No, but you will."

Isak rolls his eyes, "you're doing a great job fitting into that sulky personality of yours, Harry."

I laugh.

*

It's an hour later and Niall had parked Karen's car right on the beach, the trunk open and a semi-large cooler in the back of it. I was sat next to it, my feet dangling a foot above the sand and a semi-cold beer can in my hand.

Isak was over by the grill with Niall—apparently the others had come prepared and brought food and drinks for everyone to enjoy. Karen, Liam and Ed occupied the washed up logs close by the grill, plates of food in their laps and a bonfire not that far from them.

A few feet over by the water Zayn and Louis were walking together, Zayn's arm wrapped around Louis' shoulders and Louis' arm was around Zayn's waist.

For some reason I was watching them, finding the way they interacted interesting. I don't know why I was perplexed by it but I was.

They were walking down the beach for a few minutes and at one point they were so far away I had trouble keeping up with where they actually were—the darkness played a part in it as well, but a few minutes later they appear and start walking towards the rest of us. It looked like they were both laughing, talking with each other animatedly.

When they were a few yards away and I could make out their voices, Zayn looks up at me and meets my eyes instantly, almost like he was secretly watching me, too. I look away and take a sip of the beer.

I hadn't talked to Zayn this evening, though it wasn't like I was looking forward to it all day. Isak had most of my attention the whole evening.

A minute later I look back at Zayn and see him and Louis standing by Karen and the others. They had unwrapped themselves from each other and Zayn was now walking towards me, managing not to trip over the lumpy sand like everyone else was.

My eyes drift to Louis and I see him watching me, a glint in his eye.

Zayn reaches me and smiles, "hi."

"Hey," I nod at him and he sits down next to me, the cooler was taking up most of the space in the trunk so we were a bit too close.

"So," he starts and there's already an amused hint in his tone. "Having fun?"

I purse my lips and look out at everyone else. "Sure."

"Not hungry?" He says and from my peripheral I can see him turning towards me.

"Not really," I shrug slightly.

"The foods good," he says and I wonder what he was trying to do.

"Are you trying to figure out if I have an eating disorder or something?" I question him, glancing at him.

Zayn suppresses a smile at my question, "why would you ask that?"

"Why wouldn't I? Two out of all the three encounters we've had you've tried to get me to eat something," I point out, not really knowing what _I_ was saying.

Zayn breaks and cracks a smile, "I'm just trying to be friendly—that's what people do, Harry. You know, given that this whole impromptu barbecue was my idea."

And I don't know why but it was weird hearing him say my name.

I lick my lips and look away from him, taking a drink. "Right."

He quietly chuckles, "right."

A few seconds of silence passes, then what he said catches up to me.

"This was _your_ idea?" I ask, waving the can in front of us.

Zayn nods, "yeah. Footie was Niall's, but I thought of the beach."

"Why? The beaches here aren't...the best," I say and find myself somehow facing him again.

Zayn shrugs, "figured no one wanted to drive 2 hours to go to a _better_ beach. Plus..." he trials off, the corners of his lips curled upwards a bit and his hazel eyes looked like a normal brown color in the darkness.

"What?" I ask because I wait for him to finish his sentence but he doesn't.

His tongue darts out and licks a small bit of his lower lip. "I was hoping to get you all to myself. But I wasn't informed that you'd be bringing a friend," he says and smirks at the last part.

I stare at him for a second then look away and shake my head. I sigh, "what? You're _jealous_?"

"A bit." He admits too cooly for my liking, a bit proud.

I run my fingers through my hair and drink the last bit of beer before chucking it into the cooler. "Isak's a friend," I mutter.

Zayn hums and he doesn't sound upset, just curious.

"Also you don't have the right to be jealous," I tell him, slightly annoyed with the turn of events.

"Why not?" Zayn asks and he still doesn't sound upset which agitates me some more because he seems to think I'm joking.

"Because there will never be a chance that something could ever happen between us," I say honestly. I look at him to gauge his reaction and hope to see his face crumble at what I said.

But instead he has a smile on his face, like I just threw a challenge at him and he just accepted it.

"So just friends?" He raises an eyebrow.

I purse my lips. "I don't think I'd consider us friends."

Zayn grins, "I do."


	10. 0.10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy :)

I'm in the kitchen eating lunch with Linda when mum walks up to us. A shorter, stern looking woman was behind her, a huge binder in her small arms.

"Harry," she says to me. "We need you in for a fitting."

And I know what the fitting was for but because I like confrontation I ask, "for what?"

Mum sighs, "for the banquet, Harry. I can't deal with your childish behavior right now when I have a million other important things to do, alright? So just talk to Justine and she'll have you sorted out."

Then she walks away and leaves the woman there, not giving me the argument I was looking for.

"Follow me, Mr Styles," she says and starts walking off as well. I sigh and drop the fork I was eating with.

"Good luck," Linda calls after me. I look back at her and scowl.

There's expensive fabric everywhere and I usually wouldn't care but the woman leading me to the fitting room looked like she'd strangle me if I stepped on anything.

I don't understand why I need a fitting. Mum had thrown a banquet almost a year ago, I'm sure my size was written down somewhere. I just didn't want to be doing _this_. I was kind of hoping that my mum had forgotten about me and wouldn't even notice that I wasn't at her event but at the same time I remember Linda and I didn't want her to suffer alone.

I stand there—after I stripped down to my underwear as an attractive middle-aged woman takes my measurements. The other woman—Justine, was talking to another woman, a younger one, and was instructing her on things. The younger woman struggled to write everything down as Justine spoke quickly.

"Schedule a haircut on Saturday, this one won't work," she says and I realize that she's talking about me.

"I just cut my hair," I tell her, brows furrowed.

Justine's striking blue eyes look at me and she seems annoyed, "yes, I can see that."

"Then I don't need a new one," I say to her, not appreciating her attitude.

"Your hair is too long. It must be cut," she says to me, talking slowly as if I was a dumb child that couldn't understand the English language.

I didn't think my hair was too long. I trimmed it almost a week ago and it looked like a normal length to me.

I clench my jaw and look away from her before I said something my mum wouldn't be too happy about.

The fitting is over and I'm grateful to get out of that room. The fitting took way too long and Justine had been muttering quietly to the other woman in a way that bothered me.

I wanted to get out of the house because there were way too many people cluttering the house. I walk up the stairs and round the corner towards my dads office.

Dad was sitting behind his mahogany desk, stacks of paperwork placed neatly on it. He was on his laptop, typing when I walked in.

"Harry."

"Hey, I was wondering if I could borrow the car keys," I ask him, leaning over the back of the chair in front of his desk.

"Where're you headed off to?" He asks, shutting his laptop halfway.

"Karen's."

He gives me a knowing smile. "Of course. Not too late though, yeah?"

I nod, a slight smile on my lips. I watch as he reaches into the desk and pulls out a set of keys. He hands them to me but doesn't drop them into my hand yet.

"Drive carefully, okay?" He raises an eyebrow.

"Yeah, course."

I make a small detour on my way to Karen's.

"Styles," TJ says, a smirk forming on his lips as he opens the door. "Long time no see."

I smile, "been busy." TJ chuckles and pulls the door open so I could step in.

There's music playing in the background as we walk to the living room. I see Davey, TJ's "sponsor" on the couch, a beer in his hand. He nods at me and I nod back.

"Doing well, I see." I raise an eyebrow.

Davey lets out a low chuckle, "doin my damn best to help out this fucker."

TJ rolls his eyes and sits down on the couch. "What can I do for you?"

"I can't say hi to a friend?"

TJ smirks, eyes narrowed. "Of course you can." He glances at Davey and Davey laughs. "I was just talking about you actually."

"Were you?" I hum.

TJ gets up, reaching into his pocket and standing close to me, our faces a few inches away. We lock eyes for a second before he mumbles out, "hmm," and our lips are pressed together.

His tongue immediately finds its way into my mouth and I let him. One of his hands go to the back of my head and pulls on my hair. His other hand finds mine and I open it, feeling a small plastic baggy being placed into it.

He bites my lower lip before pulling away, "free of charge."

I close my hand around the bag and step back. "I'll have it next time I visit," I smirk.

TJ shrugs. "You're a friend, Harry."

"How else are you gonna make a living?"

"Davey is my most loyal costumer after you," TJ smiles.

I glance at Davey who's too busy watching the tv to notice us. "Your sponsor."

"It's a big responsibility," he says, sarcasm dripping off his words.

I sigh. "Poor Mrs. Urenda."

TJ laughs. "I can't please everyone."

*

Pretty soon I'm driving to Karen's, the radio playing a pop song that I didn't bother paying attention to. It was cloudy today, there was a possibility it was going to rain.

I reach Karen's and park on her driveway. Karen's mom answers the door, her red lips pull into a grin when she sees me.

"Harry! Oh, I haven't seen you in ages!" She pulls me into the house, crushing me in a hug.

"Hey, it's good to see you," I tell her once she lets me go.

"I've been so busy. But I'm glad I decided to stay in today, oh you're so much taller!"

I look away. Cara has always been like a mother to me which always made me feel guilty because I don't think I portray my gratitude for her very well sometimes. It was obvious she saw me as a son, she's said so many times and I considered her a mother—a much better one than the one that birthed me.

"How are you, hun? How has everything been going?" She questions and before I can answer her Karen is running down the stairs.

"Harold!" She sings.

Cara and I look towards the stairs and see Karen climbing down.

"Harry stopped for a visit," Cara informs Karen.

Karen bounces over to my side, grinning at me. "You didn't tell me you were coming over."

"Yeah, well. The house is too crowded and I wanted to come over," I shrug.

"Ah, right. The banquet," Cara hums.

"Right," I repeat sarcastically.

"Too bad Karen isn't going," Cara looks over to her daughter, a playful disappointed look on her face.

"It's Niall's birthday, mom. I told you," Karen rolls her eyes.

"Yeah, yeah. I heard you," Cara smiles.

"Anyway," Karen grabs my arm and leads me towards the stairs. "Harry and I will be upstairs."

"It was good to see you, Harry. Come and say bye when you leave, alright?" Cara calls after us.

"Will do!" I shout as I lose visual on her.

Karen lets go of my arm once we're all the way up the stairs.

I look at her, suspicious. "Niall's birthday?"

Karen smirks, "it's a lie. I just don't want to go."

I push her, "I hate you. You can't help your friend out?"

"Invite Isak," she wiggles her eyebrows.

I roll my eyes, "I'm pretty sure he'd rather shoot himself in the head."

We enter her room and I'm surprised to see Niall there, laying on the bed while playing on his phone.

"Harry, mate. Good to see you again!" He cheers, grinning at me.

I smile at him. "Hey, Niall." I throw myself on the couch across from the bed, spreading my legs out.

"I'm sure he'd love to," Karen says, continuing with the conversation.

I roll my eyes, not replying.

"What're you guys talking about?" Niall asks as Karen sits next to him.

"Harry's mom is throwing a party and I told him to invite Isak as a date," Karen says.

"Do you like him?" Niall questions, friendly enough for me to answer without an attitude.

"He's my friend," I mutter.

Niall puts a hand on Karen's thigh and he grins at me. "Invite Zayn."

I groan, "shut up."

I hadn't thought much of what Zayn said last night at the beach. There was no reason for me to think of it, because it would _never_ happen.

Karen looks puzzled and I'm surprised Niall didn't tell her if he already knew.

"What happened with Zayn?"

I don't answer.

"Zayn fancies Harry," Niall says, sounding way too pleased.

Karen's eyes almost pop out of her skull. "Why didn't you tell me, you fuck!"

"Because it doesn't matter," I tell her.

"Harry, he _likes_ you!" Karen exclaims.

"So what? I _don't_ like him."

Karen sighs at me, "he's fucking perfect, you dumbass."

"Ay," Niall pouts at her. Karen's pats his hand and turns back to look at me.

I give her a shrug. I mean, what does she want me to do? Magically grow feelings for him?

Zayn isn't a person that I can see myself being with. In some ways I can see how we're a bit similar but at the same time we're completely different people. Maybe I could be friends with him but I don't think I'd ever want anything _more_ than that.

*

I leave Karen's house around 8pm. The sky had already gotten pitch black and I didn't want my mum calling me asking me where I was.

By this time the house was empty aside from my mum and dad and for once I was glad the house wasn't so occupied.

I slip into my room without running into my parents although I'm sure they heard me open the front door.

I take a quick shower and change into more comfortable clothes, climbing into bed once I was all done. When I grab my phone from the bedside table I see two texts.

 **Karen:** you're welcome :3

And then there was another under that.

 **Unknown Number:** guess who :)

I sigh because I had a feeling of who the unknown number was. I put my phone down and run my hands in my hair, slightly pulling as I pull them back out.

I pick the phone back up and reply to the unknown number.

 **Harry:** I'm assuming Karen gave you my number?

 **Unknown Number:** about an hour ago, yes.

 **Harry:** of course.

 **Unknown Number:** you don't seem too pleased by that.

 **Harry:** how'd you know

 **Unknown Number:** buck up.

 **Harry:** fuck off

 **Unknown Number:** alright. I'll let you get your sleep since you have school tomorrow.

I narrow my eyes and drop the phone onto the bed. My lips are pursed and I stare at the text. He was patronizing me.

It takes me a minute to stop glaring at the phone and pick it back up.

 **Harry:** actually, you know what? I wanted to ask you something

 **Unknown Number:** yes?

 **Harry:** how do you feel about attending a banquet

 **Unknown Number:** who's throwing it?

 **Harry:** my family

 **Unknown Number:** are you asking me to be your date?

I could almost see the smirk on his face as he sent that.

 **Harry:** no

 **Harry:** you'd be my plus one

 **Unknown Number:** hmm.

 **Unknown Number:** I'd love to be your date :)

 **Harry:** plus one

 **Unknown Number:** when is it?

 **Harry:** next sunday

 **Harry:** it's a black tie event

 **Unknown Number:** great, I have a plethora of black ties!

 **Harry:** see you then

 **Unknown Number:** good night, Harry.

I don't reply after that, wanting so badly to tell him to fuck off again. But I plug my phone into the charger and set it down.


	11. 0.11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! Also leave kudos please, they help a lot xoxo !

> The next morning I'm up, skipping the shower I usually take in the mornings and take my time dressing myself.

I also skip breakfast since Linda wasn't here this morning and mum was sitting at the breakfast bar instead. I take a banana from the fruit bowl and exit the kitchen without saying a word to my mother who probably didn't even notice that I was in there anyway.

I peel the banana and take a bite as I head out the door, the keys to my car in my hand. Well, it wasn't really my car but I considered it to be since only I drive it.

The sky was clear today, no sign of any dark clouds. As I was scanning the place I notice a black Jeep parked in front of the gate. That's when my phone buzzes.

I pull it out.

 **Unknown Number:** need a ride?

I look up from the phone and try to make out the figure sitting in the drivers seat. Of course it's Zayn.

I don't reply, instead I save the number and am greatly tempted to write fuckface as the contact name but decide that I'm not _that_ childish and put Zayn as the contact name instead.

I could just get in my car and drive away, leaving him behind but instead I find myself walking towards the gate. I shove the car keys in my school bag.

I can finally see him when I'm a few feet from the gate. I enter the code and walk through. I walk to the passengers side with a scowl. The window was rolled down.

"Why're you stalking me?"

"I thought you could use a ride," Zayn grins, ignoring my question.

"I have my own ride," I tell him, narrowing my eyes.

"I'll tell you why if you get in," he says, rolling his eyes.

"You mean this isn't your idea of courting me?" I say sarcastically.

"No. Just friends, remember?" He raises his eyebrows, finding the situation humorous.

I purse my lips and consider it. Against my better wishes I get into the car.

Zayn smiles in triumph.

I speak when he starts to drive. "What's your explanation?"

"Maybe I just wanted to give a new friend a ride to school?" He says, the corner of his lip lifted upwards.

I scowl. "I'm not sure I believe that."

Zayn chuckles. "Well, I thought that maybe on the drive to school we'd get to know each other before you invite me into you home as your date for your family's banquet."

"Friends don't go on dates, remember?" I remind him icily.

He purses his lips, "right."

It's then that I notice his clothes. I never catalogued what Zayn wore but I know the colors didn't vary. He wore mostly graphic tees or plain dark t-shirts and black jeans with black boots. It suited his personality. His hair wasn't in it's usually neat style, it seemed a bit more messy this morning. A purposeful messy, though. And his beard was a bit shorter, trimmed neatly. I could admit that he had good looks.

I realize that I've been staring at him for too long and look away. With a sigh, I ask him, "what do you want to know?"

He sounds pleased by my participation. "Why'd you invite me your banquet?"

"It's not mine. It's my mums," I mutter. "And I invited you because Karen basically forced me to," I lie.

He doesn't seem to believe it because he smiles a bit, but he moves on. "How old are you?"

"17."

Zayn hums, and I look away from him as he turns his head to glance at me. He open his mouth to ask another question but I interrupt him.

"What about you?" I ask, looking out the window.

"What about me?"

"How old are you?"

"22."

I nod, having no further questions.

Zayn quiet for about 5 minutes then he breaks the silence. "That first night we met, do you remember much of it?"

I furrow my brows, "at Karen's party?"

"Yeah."

I lick my lips and shake my head, "no, I don't. Why?" I was curious on why he was asking about that.

"We danced together that night," he says and I look over at him to see if he's lying but his face is normal, almost as if he was remembering.

"No we didn't," I squint my eyes.

Zayn smirks, "we did. We drank, danced, talked."

I clench my teeth, "why are you mentioning this now?"

"I didn't know if you'd be upset or wouldn't care," he says.

I feel annoyed. Mostly because I had no idea what I said and did and he was just mentioning this now. It was frustrating.

"What'd I say?" I ask, worried.

"Nothing personal, don't worry," he looks at me, a small smile on his face. "It was mostly knock-knock jokes and puns."

I felt relieved but also slightly embarrassed. I never really meant to get that trashed that night but one thing led to another and I woke up the next morning with no recollection of the previous night.

I stay silent, not wanting to talk. Zayn seemed to understand and let me sulk in peace.

Usually when I'm drunk or high I still manage to keep my guard up. I don't know if Zayn was keeping the truth from me so I wouldn't get mad or something but I don't want to know what I told him. But not knowing was also causing me to stress.

The car stops a few minutes later and we're in front of the school.

I bite the inside of my cheek, "thanks for the ride." I say and reach for the door handle.

"Wait," Zayn utters out.

I drop my hand and turn around to look at him, observing his face. He looked guilty. "Hm?"

"I shouldn't have brought it up," he shakes his head, looking disappointed in himself. "I didn't know it would upset you."

I look down. "I'm not upset," I mumble.

"I still shouldn't have brought it up. I apologize," he says, sincere.

I sigh and look up at him, meeting his eyes so he knows I'm not upset with him. "You just...caught me off guard. It's no big deal, honestly."

We stare at each other for a long second.

Zayn nods, a small smile on his lips. "Alright."

I nod too, "alright." I reach for the handle and have one foot touching the ground before he speaks.

"I'll be here when the last bell rings," he tells me, a nice smile on his face.

"See you then," I smile back at him.

*

Isak is 10 minutes late for biology. When he enters the class, he hands the teacher the late slip and heads to our shared table.

I smirk at him, "why're you late, sir?"

Isak opens his mouth but Nate walks into the classroom, also late. Nate hands Mr Barns the late slip and turns back around to his table, his eyes flickering over to where Isak and I sat.

I raise my eyebrows in shock, not expecting that. "Oh."

Isak purses his lips, "you don't mind, do you? He told me about the thing you guys have with each other."

I lick my lips and shake my head. "No, that's fine. I don't mind at all."

"Really?" Isak stresses.

"Yeah, it's totally fine."

*

Karen and I are lunch together like always. She's nibbling on a baby carrot and I'm biting into what they call pizza here.

"So," Karen starts and I can already tell by the tone in her voice that she's looking for gossip. "Isak and Nate, eh?"

I'm confused. I thought she was going to ask me about Zayn. I knew she knew because Karen, Niall and Zayn love gossiping to each other. They were such middle aged women.

"What about them?" I ask.

"How do you feel about that?"

"Fine? I don't know, it isn't much of a big deal," I shrug.

"But it surprised you?" She questions, looking around the cafeteria.

"Yeah, a bit." I chew and swallow the pizza, taking a sip of water afterwards.

"I was certain he liked you," she hums, not sounding that interested anymore.

"Isak?"

"Yeah."

"I told you," I smirk at her.

She rolls her eyes, "oh shut up. I'm hardly ever wrong about things."

I shrug, feeling smug. "We'll see about that."

She taps the table with her ring, humming under her breath as she continues to nibble on her carrot. "My aunt is getting married next month."

I clear my throat, "which one?"

I met 4 of Karen's aunts at a party her mom threw a year ago. They were all very similar to each other but only 3 of them were married.

"The one that _isn't_ married," she rolls her eyes at me. "Melanie."

"Oh, nice."

"You wanna come?" She asks.

"Not really," I grimace.

"But you are anyway," she smiles.

I sigh. " _Why_? Invite Niall instead."

"Niall's out of town that week," she shrugs. "Plus, my mom is the one that told me to invite you. She loves you, you know."

I take a big bite of the pizza instead of answering.

There were only two classes left for the day. I was thinking of Zayn and if he would actually be there to pick me up. Probably—he didn't seem like the type to bail on someone.

It was almost as if Karen read my mind.

"So after I drop you off at home I need to meet with Melanie and get fitted for a dress, and probably help her with her dress as well."

I swallow thickly and drop the pizza into the paper plate. "Uh, actually. Zayn is dropping me off at home."

I don't miss the look of surprise that flashes across her face. On second thought, maybe the gossip didn't make its way to Karen yet. Then she's grinning widely.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

She doesn't say anything because I glare, daring her not to say what I know she's thinking. She sends the rest of the lunch hour with a smug smirk on her face.

*

"You know you're gonna have to do some explaining to Karen," I tell Isak as we walk out of the school, the last bell having just rung a minute ago.

"Well, not much is going on. We're not dating," Isak says.

"I know. But think of Karen as an overly obsessed mum," I chuckle. "She needs to know everything."

Isak nods in agreement. "So who's picking you up?"

Zayn's Jeep is backed into a space a few yards away from us, no other cars parked near it. I can see Zayn through the the windshield, he was talking on his phone.

I nod towards the Jeep and Isak follows my gaze.

"Zayn, eh?" He smirks once he sees who it is behind the wheel.

I roll my eyes, "see you tomorrow."

Isak waves once and walks over to his car on the other side of the lot. I walk to the Jeep, my lips pursed.

Zayn puts away his phone as soon as I'm in the car. He smiles brightly at me and starts up the car, "how was your day at high school?"

I lick my lips and play along, "good. How was yours?"

"I don't go to high school," he says and I scowl at him, he chuckles. "My day was great."

I set my school bag on the floor and glance at him, noticing the dark blue beanie on his head. "What'd you do?" I ask, making conversation.

He seems surprised that I asked. "Well. You know, the usual," he shrugs, vague.

I roll my eyes, snorting. "You can't tell me? Is Louis gonna fire you if you do?"

Zayn looks at me, amused. "You actually wanna know?"

"I asked, didn't I?"

He licks his lips and turns back to the road, a slight smile on his face. "I delivered some stuff with Niall in Kenton."

"You drove all the way there just to deliver some _stuff_?" I raise an eyebrow.

"We got a new shipment," he smirks.

"Of what?" I ask, a small smile on my face.

"Wouldn't you like to know," he mumbles, chuckling lowly.

I glance out the window. The last time Zayn drove me home from school I was on his motorcycle, I'm glad he didn't decide to do so today.

"Where's your motorcycle?" I ask him.

"You miss it?"

"Far from that," I scoff.

"It's home. Didn't think a motorcycle was appropriate if I wanted to have a conversation with you," he says.

"Conversation," I muse quietly.

"What?"

"Nothing," I mutter.

Zayn smiles fully, pulling his beanie down over his ears as a few dark strands of hair fall out the hat and onto his forehead. "So, this banquet," he starts, putting emphasis on the banquet part. "What's it for?"

I pick at my jeans and avert my eyes, "my parents business is doing well, I guess."

"Oh, yeah? What business are they in?"

"Who knows?" I snort.

Zayn seems to find that funny. "I take it you're not gonna keep the family business running when they retire?"

"No." I scoff. As if my mum would retire, she'll die when the company dies.

"No?" Zayn repeats, amused. "What're you gonna do then?"

I don't answer that. I wasn't aware that we got to the part where we opened our hearts out to each other. I'd rather skip it.

Zayn realizes that I'm not gonna reply to him so he glances at me and I don't realize that I'm glaring at him until he laughs at my facial expression.

"Join me for lunch tomorrow," he says.

I'm taken back by his odd and sudden request. I furrow my brows, "what?"

"There's a diner close to my place. Niall and I go there sometimes. I'd like to take you there," he says and I look at him to see if he's trying to joke with me, but he only has a small smile on his face as he pays attention to the road.

I'm surprised at his sincerity, so I'm not sure how to exactly respond. "I...I have school tomorrow," I mutter dumbly instead.

"Of course I meant after school," he turns to grin at me and I purse my lips. "I'd never ask you to skip school."

"Uh," I mumble, not sure. It wasn't that I thought if I went with him he would chop me into pieces—because let's be honest, I'm not the one to judge—but I didn't think it was a good idea. Zayn confessed that he liked me, which is concerning since he is now asking me to go to a restaurant with him.

Or maybe I was just overthinking it like usual.

"You don't have to answer now. You can let me know tomorrow morning if you like," he says easily, not offended by the lack of an answer.

I shake my head, "no. It's...I'd like to go." I actually can't believe how hard it was to say that.

"Yeah?" Zayn says, seeming happy with my answer. "Okay, cool."


	12. 0.12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy this chapter! And please leave kudos and comments, let’s me know on what to approve and what to keep. Thank you for your time! 
> 
> Ps. If you don’t know who Khalid is, search him up and listen to his music, it’s life changing. And I just wanted an excuse to put him into the story lol. Xoxo

"Not hungry?" Linda asks, looking down at the plate of untouched breakfast in front of me.

"No, I was just thinking," I mumble and pick up the fork. I stab a few pieces of egg with the fork and bring it to my mouth, chewing and avoiding Linda's inquisitive eyes.

"You look nice today," she points out.

I look down at my clothes and quirk up an eyebrow. "I think I look...normal?"

"I can't remember the last time I saw you wearing a red shirt. You mostly wear black nowadays," she grins.

I was wearing black jeans and a red shirt with thin white stripes, which I thought was a normal thing for me to wear. I guess not.

I shrug, "I felt like wearing red, I guess."

"It suites you," she sips her coffee.

"Thanks," I say to her.

I quickly eat the rest of the breakfast and finish the second cup of coffee I pour for myself, ignoring Linda's scold.

I realized it was too early. I sit at the breakfast bar with Linda for 10 minutes before I get a text.

Zayn: morning :)

Zayn: I'm outside.

Harry: drive in. the gate pin is 051999

"Is that Karen?" Linda asks, picking up the plate in front of me and putting it on the sink.

"Uh, no. It's someone else," I tell her. "I gotta go," I hop down from the stool and pick up my school bag.

"Have a good day, love," she pulls my arm before I can escape and tugs me down to kiss my cheek.

I roll my eyes and mumble a "you too" before heading out the door.

The Jeep is parked in the driveway, Zayn behind the wheel.

I bite the inside of my cheek and exhale through my nose. I walk up to the car and see the two front windows are rolled down. It was a nice day today, not too hot but also not many clouds in the sky.

"Good morning," Zayn chirps, his voice not disturbing the silence of the early morning.

"You know, I hope you don't get up this early just to take me to school," I huff.

"It's good to wake up early in the morning. It's more productive," he grins and starts the drive.

I purse my lips. "Perhaps."

Zayn's phone was plugged to the radio, a slow-tempo R&B song playing. His tastes were interesting to say the least.

"Who is this?" I ask out of curiosity.

"Khalid," he answers and I look over at him to see him smiling.

We listen in silence, enjoying the music and the cool breeze whipping around in the car.

Zayn is dressed in dark blue jeans that clung to his calves and a loose grey shirt. It was a simple outfit but I have to admit he managed to make it look like they were designer clothing.

We're halfway to school when I smirk.

"No questions for me today?"

Zayn chuckles, "what? You miss them?"

I shrug. "I just know you have more questions."

"Are you saying I'm nosey?"

"I wouldn't put it into those words specifically..." I say and trail off.

Zayn rolls his eyes, lifting one hand to run it through his perfectly styled hair. "I'm saving my questions for this afternoon."

"Afraid we'll run out of things to talk about?" I tease.

"I can throw some out right now if you want?" He quirks up an eyebrow.

I shake my head, "'no. I enjoy the silence."

Zayn hums, "me too."

We listen through almost the whole album by the time the Jeep is parked in front of the school. There was maybe 10 minutes left until the bell rang for the first class and this was probably the perfect time to arrive to school.

"Enjoy school, Harry." Zayn says, smiling like he was dropping his kid off.

I scowl at him. "Fuck off."

I open the car and hop out, Zayn laughing behind me. I close the door and step away from the car.

"See you this afternoon!" Zayn says with a grin and drives off.

*

**Zayn**

"Dropped your boyfriend off?"

I close the door and roll my eyes as I spot Louis lounging on my couch, a lit cigarette between his dainty fingers.

"Who let you in here," I jeer.

Louis rolls his head back to look at me, finding my disgruntled expression humorous. "What?"

I exhale through my nose and head to the kitchen. Seconds later I hear Louis' bare feet walking across the linoleum. I turn my back to him and pour some coffee for myself as he makes his presence loudly known.

I was with Louis almost all day yesterday, it's was a grueling day since all he wanted to talk about was _Harry_ and his tone came off as _mocking_ to me, which only further irritated me.

"Where's Niall?" I ask, noticing the lack of boisterous laughter and blond hair.

"He left after letting me in. Some of us actually do our jobs, you know?" Louis taunts.

I snort because I was doing my job with Niall yesterday, but Louis knows this and is just being an asshole. I turn around and shrug nonchalantly.

"You're typically not a morning person, Zayn." Louis points out, a dumb smirk on his face.

"What's your point?" I sigh.

Louis licks his lips. "You just never wake up so early in the morning," he reiterates.

I stay silent and stare at him, trying to figure out what he wants. Louis is a complicated creature. Half  of the time he's an annoying asshole and the other half he's "serious" as he likes for it to be put. But I'm used to it and I've learned to just let Louis speculate by himself until he grows bored, which happens quickly.

Louis hops up onto the island and swings his feet, a thoughtful expression on his face. "I'm thinking Harry has something to do with this," he hums. "I should thank him actually. Now you won't be able to avoid me in the mornings and you can switch shifts with Ed. Make the morning runs instead."

"Why? You want extra time to cuddle in the mornings?" I question, using the mug to hide my smirk at the flabbergasted look on Louis' face.

"We don't _cuddle_. We don't do _anything_."

"That's not what Ed said," I murmur provokingly.

"Ha. Ha. Nice job trying to invoke me," he narrows his eyes at me.

"You started it," I shrug, pleased.

"I was only trying to start a civilized conversation." Louis rolls his eyes, his annoyance fading away.

I smile. "Same."

"Anyway," he moves on. "I'm hungry."

I set down the mug and head over to the fridge, dodging the foot Louis tries to kick me with. "What do you want?"

"Eggs and bacon." Louis answers, already sounding distracted.

"Alright," I mutter and grab a package of bacon and a carton of eggs out from the fridge.

Pretty soon we get into a routine that Louis and I have practiced for years. I crack the eggs and start mixing them with a fork because I know Louis hates runny yolk, he says it looks like really old 'thick' pee. He always makes sure to put emphasis on the thick part.

As I'm scrambling the eggs into the pan and flipping over the bacon in another pan at the same time Louis comes up from behind me and wraps his arms around my waist, hooking his chin over my shoulder.

"What do you want?" I roll my eyes as he makes noises when I ignore him.

"Could you make me tea as well?" Louis mumbles, his chin poking my shoulder as he speaks.

"Sure," I say.

"Thanks, Z." Louis smiles, appreciative.

*

"Your mother has agreed to a meeting."

"What?" I furrow my brows, confused and surprised.

"Yes. She's agreed to a meeting between the three of us." Meredith says, taking off her glasses and putting them on the desk.

"How did you get her to say yes? She's very hard-headed." I grimace.

Meredith purses her lips and she has that look on her face I've learned to grow used to. The 'bad news' look. "Compromise."

"Of course."

Meredith gives me a sympathetic look, "your mother wants to meet in a few weeks. She's informed me on how very _busy_ she is."

I avert my eyes and look at the clock, "right."

"She cares, Harry. Otherwise she wouldn't have agreed," Meredith stressed.

I give her a tight smile. "Right. Hopefully she saves us all some time and cancels."

Meredith sighs, "I'm sorry."

Maybe to Meredith this seemed sad. A mother not giving a fuck about her own son. I'm just glad Meredith wasn't the one bullshitting me. But like with most things you grow numb to it.

*

Sadly, the meeting with Meredith soured my mood for the rest of the day.

Karen and Isak noticed at lunch and didn't pester me with questions. I listen quietly as they talk about the new project they have in their history class.

"Who gives a fuck? The history isn't even true, they fucking whitewash everything, it's bullshit." Isak mutters.

I raise my eyebrow at that. Karen mentioned a while ago that Isak's mother was born in Egypt.

"I know. But what are you gonna do? Don't do the work and they fucking suspend you. Like days _off_ of school does shit," Karen replies, leaning over the table, a spoonful of yogurt going into her mouth when she's done with the splash sentence.

I snort. "Are you guys hoping to start a student rally?"

Karen glances at me, rolling her eyes. "That never works."

"I wasn't actually suggesting anything," I scoff in exasperation.

Isak shrugs, "might work."

I shake my head. "If you guys actually do it I'm gonna have to stop being your friend."

"Why?" Isak questions, amused.

I grimace, "it's stupid."

Karen chuckles, "do we look like the type to get off our asses?"

I snort, "nope."

*

As shitty as the day was so far, I was uncharacteristically looking forward to 'lunch' with Zayn—even though I'd never admit that to him.

So when I see his stupid Jeep in the parking lot after school ends I purse my lips to hide the tiny smile of relief I felt.

"See you tomorrow, Harry." Isak says, clapping my shoulder and strolling over to his car.

I mutter a goodbye and head over to the Jeep. I pull open the door and drop my school bag onto the floor of the car, getting in soon after.

"Afternoon," Zayn chirps, sounding characteristically happy.

I sigh as I click in the seat belt and give him a smile, "hey."

He looks pleased. "Good day?"

I snort, "quite the opposite."

Zayn nods, a tiny smile on his face as he starts heading towards the exit. "Lets hope the diner changes that."

I'm grateful he doesn't ask about it. I wasn't really in the mood to talk about it.

Zayn drives us to a very populated part of town, the part of town tourists (if we ever get any) love visiting because of its "authenticity". Even though it's always busy, I actually liked this part of town, it could fool you into thinking maybe it wasn't part of a town in the middle of nowhere.

Zayn says he lives a few minutes away from the diner, telling me he and Niall go here a lot and I'm not sure if he told me that before but by the look on his face he did and I just wasn't listening.

The diner is named Always Open, a retro looking diner made up mostly of yellow and white colors. The diner had a good amount of customers in it, not too many. We get out the car and I follow Zayn to the entrance.

It smells wonderful inside, like sweetness and milkshakes. It's quite open, very spacious and nicely decorated. The chatter was nice too, it didn't sound hectic like it did outside.

Zayn glances back at me, looking for my approval. I nod, rolling my eyes at the grin that stretches across his face. "I usually sit over here," he leads us to a bright yellow booth. We sit across from each other.

"I like it," I hum my approval.

Zayn smiles, "I thought you might."

I smirk and pick up the menu, "how many people before me have you brought here?"

Zayn looks wary for a split second but he sees the look on my face and shrugs, nonchalant. "Almost everyone."

"Did it get you laid?"

"Every time," he nods.

"Nice." I nod back and scan the menu. Zayn lets out a small chuckle and does the same. "What do you usually get here?"

"Regular old cheeseburger and fries. Classic," Zayn says and sets down the menu. "Plenty of other great things too."

An attractive waitress that looked to be in her early 20s walks up to us, scribbling on her notepad.

"Welcome to Always Open. I'm Barbara, what can I get you guys?"

Zayn looks at her, a grin on his face. "Hey, Babs."

Barbara looks up, startled. "Zayn? Shit, didn't see you there."

"I didn't know you were working today," Zayn says to her.

Barbara grins at him, "yeah, I usually don't work Tuesdays but I have to cover someone's shift. What's up? Where's Niall?" She glances at me, her curious gaze friendly enough.

"Niall's home," Zayn says and then looks at me. "This is my friend Harry."

"Nice to meet you, Harry." Barbara flips her blonde hair over her shoulder, a smile on her face.

"Nice to meet you too, Barbara."

"So," she clears her throat. "What can I get you guys? The usual?" She looks at Zayn when she says that.

Zayn turns to look at me, eyebrow raised. "Styles?"

I purse my lips, "I'll take the usual."

"Two usuals then," Zayn says to the blonde.

Barbara nods and jots it down. "Coming right up," then she grabs the menus and walks off.

Zayn turns his attention to me, an amused smile on his lips.

"What?" I furrow my brows.

"Nothing," Zayn clears his throat. "So what do you wanna talk about?"

I snort and shrug. "If I remember correctly you had a list of questions to ask me."

Zayn smiles, white teeth flashing. "I did."

"Ask away, then." I lean back and drum my fingers on the table.

"Harry Styles," he says. "Is that your full name?"

"Harry Edward Styles," I say.

Zayn smiles, "that's very British."

"Well that's what I am." I roll my eyes. "And you?"

"Zayn Javadd Malik," he answers. "How long have you lived in America?"

"Since I was 10."

"I asked you this before but still—do you miss Cheshire?" He asks, leaning back in the booth as well.

I shrug, licking my lips. "I don't remember much of it. I mean—I remember Cheshire but not really England. I was home-schooled since my parents worked so much...so I didn't get out much."

"You ever think you'll go back?"

I shake my head and it might seem to easily answered but I've put thought into it before. "I don't think so."

"Why?"

"There's nothing for me there. My home is here," I purse my lips.

"No family?" Zayn questions.

"I've only ever met my mums sister and she lives in America as well," I answer.

"Hm," Zayn says. "So you don't think you'll ever travel to the U.K.?"

I think it over. "Well...I don't know. Maybe not Cheshire but...I don't know, maybe."

"Ireland's pretty swell," Zayn smiles.

I raise an eyebrow. "You've been?"

He nods, "yeah. I went with Niall one Christmas."

I open my mouth to speak but I see Barbara coming over with our food. She sets down the plates and milkshakes and smiles at us.

"Call me over if you need anything else," she says and goes to serve other tables.

I look at the meal and smirk. "Milkshakes?"

"Go big or go home," he grins.

Zayn continued to ask me questions as we ate and I did the same. It was oddly pleasant, just talking.

I had no idea how long we were there for but the food was gone almost an hour ago and we were still throwing out questions.

"I don't know. I lost count." Zayn says, rolling up his sleeve and admiring his tattoos.

"You don't know how many tattoos you have?" I ask, exasperated.

Zayn shrugs, "most of them I got when I was drunk and I have no idea if I got one or more at a time. Somewhere in the 30s, I think."

I smile, "impressive."

"And you?" Zayn says, smiling like he already knows the answer.

I bite the inside of my cheek, "I have one."

Zayn looks surprised. "You do? Really?"

I grimace, "yeah."

I never told anyone except Karen and I didn't really plan on telling anyone else but I felt like I could tell Zayn.

Zayn smiles, "what's it about?"

My stomach churns. "Just something stupid," I mutter.

Zayn seems to get it so he moves on, "piercings?"

I shake my head, "no. You?"

"My nose," he turns his head and taps the right side of his nose.

I squint and see a small puncture wound on his nose, barely visible. "You don't wear the nose ring?"

"It gets annoying sometimes," he smiles. "I'll put it in one day so you can see."

I nod. "Dyed your hair before?"

Zayn cringes, "yeah."

"Really?" I'm surprised. I didn't think Zayn would do anything to damage his perfect hair.

"I had a blond streak a few years ago," he admits.

"Are there pictures?" I raise an eyebrow.

Zayn scowls, "yes but you're never going to see them ever."

I pretend to be offended, "why not? I wouldn't make fun of you."

"Yeah, I'm sure you wouldn't," he snorts. "What about you?"

"Nope, never." I shake my head.

Zayn's eyes shift to my hair and he smiles. "I actually like your hair."

I make a face. "Thanks? I didn't know anyone would have a reason not to."

Zayn rolls his eyes, "accept the compliment, Styles."

"I did, Malik." I glare at him.

"We're on last name bases now?"

"You started it," I snap.

"I'll take half the blame," he shrugs.

I roll my eyes. I turn my phone on to look at the time and see that it's almost 5pm. Jesus, I had no idea we were here for that long.

"It's late." I say.

Zayn pulls out his phone and looks at the time. "Oh wow. Yeah, I'll drive you home."

It seemed I wasn't the only one who lost track of time.

I pull out my wallet and pull out a few bills, ready to leave them on the table before Zayn stops me.

"What're you doing?" Zayn asks.

I look up, confused. "Paying?"

Zayn shakes his head, "I already did."

I furrow my brows. "When?"

"I gave Barbara my card. It's taken care of," Zayn slides out of the booth.

I put away the money and stuff my wallet back into my pocket. "You should've let me pay half," I mutter and slide out of the booth.

We start walking towards the exit.

"Well, I invited you out to lunch so I should pay. It's nothing." Zayn says.

I stay quiet, feeling a bit bothered by it deep down even though it wasn't even a big fucking deal.


	13. 0.13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is your weekly update! Enjoy! Also, thank you for the kudos on the last chapter!

The next few days consists of Zayn picking me up from my house and dropping me off at school in the mornings and then coming back to the school to pick me up and drop me off at home in the afternoons.

I wasn't sure if this was going to be a regular thing and I didn't know how I should feel about it.

"So you're not gonna even try to hook up with him?"

I glare at Isak. "No. I don't want anything more with him. What's happening now is good enough for me."

"And what _is_ happening now exactly?" Karen questions.

"We're friends." I say.

They don't look convinced.

"But he's so..." Karen trails off.

"Hot. Like _ridiculously_ hot." Isak finishes.

I snort, "you're welcome to gave a go."

Isak sighs. "Sadly I don't think I'm his type."

I lay back and close my eyes. The sun hits my face, warming me. "You're a catch what do you mean?"

"So you're not dating Nate?" Karen asks.

"No," Isak laughs. "It was just a one time thing."

Karen hums. "You and Harry both fucked the same guy."

I roll my eyes behind closed eyelids.

"Well..."

"So does that mean you guys fucked each other?"

"No," I mumble. "My dick has to go into his ass in order for that to be true."

"Yeah, that sounds about right." Isak muses.

"Hm."

"What about Niall?" I ask.

"What about him?" Karen asks. "Has he fucked a guy? I dunno, I haven't asked."

"No. Have you guys had sex?" I groan, she made things so difficult sometimes.

"Well duh. Like the first week we become official," she says.

I purse my lips.

Karen and Isak continue to talk. I hear them picking out blades of grass so I open my eyes to look at them and see them putting the grass on my stomach. I sigh and close my eyes again.

I feel Karen put her hand in my pocket and I feel her pull out the small glass vial in my pocket. I open one eye and watch as she untwists it and pulls the small spoon out. There weren't any people around us so I wasn't worried she'd be caught when she brought the spoon up to her nose and snorts the white substance off of it. She caps it and returns it back to my pocket.

I close my eyes and try to nap off the 30 minutes left of free period.

*

I'm walking towards the black Jeep when I feel someone grab ahold of my arm and I tense up. I turn around and see Nate. I relax.

"What's up?" I ask.

"Come over," he says—almost demanding.

I furrow my brow. "Now?"

Nate nods, "yeah."

"Where's Isak?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Don't tell me you're jealous?" Nate snorts.

I roll my eyes and point behind me. "I already have a ride."

"Well tell them to drop you off at my place," Nate instructs.

I notice the frown marks on his forehead and reach out to smooth them down—and okay, I might be a little high because I'm usually not this touchy. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing serious," Nate shakes his head but his tone says different.

I lick my lips and nod. "Alright. I'll be there."

"Okay," Nate huffs out and I don't have time to even breathe before he's pulling me in and kissing me. My reaction is a little bit slow but I don't push him away and instead kiss him back considering how stressed he looked. Our tongues rub against each other for a few seconds before it suddenly hits me that Zayn can see this happening. I pull away and give Nate a tight smile.

"I'll see you." I say and start walking away.

I blink a few times to clear my head as I reach the black Jeep only a few yards away.

Zayn has a small smirk on his face when I enter the car. "Good afternoon, Harry."

I clear my throat and put on the seatbelt. "Hey," I mutter.

"Good day?" And he sounds teasing.

I was relieved that he wasn't upset. But also, why the _fuck_ would it matter if he was?

"It was okay." I say.

Zayn nods and starts driving. "Good."

"Uh, actually. Can you drop me off somewhere?" I ask, my cheeks stupidly warming up.

"Yeah? Not going home today?" Zayn stupidly smirks.

I ignore him and grab his phone to put in the address. "Just drive there and be quiet," I roll my eyes.

Zayn purses his lips and follows the gps.

We get there in silence and I'm grateful for it. Nate's car isn't parked outside the apartment but I got a text from him about a minute ago saying that he got home.

I undo the seatbelt and grab my school bag. "Thanks. See you tomorrow," I quickly glance at Zayn before opening the car door and stepping out.

Zayn smiles, "have fun."

I narrow my eyes at him and shut the door. He had to ruin it of course. I don't look back as I walk to the front entrance of the apartment. I hear him drive away though.

I'm knocking on Nate's front door in a few seconds and he opens it.

Nate pulls me in by my shirt and pushes me against the wall, his mouth on mine in seconds. I drop my bag onto the floor and grip his hips, my lips parting for his tongue.

Even though he got home five minutes ago he managed to have a drink as I can taste the whiskey on his tongue.

Nate grips the hem of my shirt and tugs it over my head, attaching his lips to my neck. I rest my head against the door, my eyes shutting. His lips felt good on my skin and I hadn't realized how much I needed this until now. A small moan leaves my mouth as Nate trails down, kissing over my nipple. He drops down to his knees and is about to take off my jeans when I feel him stop. I open my eyes and look down.

He pats my pocket and feels the glass vial there, he pulls it out and smiles. Nate sinks down to the floor and opens the vial.

"Wait," I blurt out. "Have you don't that before?"

Nate looks up at me and rolls his eyes. "I have."

He snorts some and is about to close it when I reach down and tangle my fingers into his hair.

"Come here," I say and he complies. He understands what I want so he uncaps it and scoops a considerable amount out, bringing it up to my nose. I grab his hand and snort it, telling him to give me another. After that I pull him in and kiss him, not caring that I miss his mouth and end up sloppily kissing the corner of his mouth.

I kick off my shoes and toe off my socks. We stumble to Nate's bedroom and I end up getting pushed down onto the bed. Nate tugs off my jeans, leaving me in my underwear. I close my eyes when I feel him licking my stomach. I hear him open the vial and sprinkle a line onto my lower stomach, he snorts the coke and starts biting and sucking my inner thighs.

"Fuck," I breathe out.

Nate hums and pulls off the only piece of clothing covering me. He doesn't waste time and puts my cock into his mouth. I was so hard and just wanted to fuck him already. I let him bob his head up and down a few times before I sit up, grab him by the shoulders and pull him up. I start undressing him as he tries to kiss me while I'm doing it.

"Be patient," I grunt as I yank off his underwear and push him down onto the bed, climbing on top of him.

"Seems to me that you're the impatient one," he mumbles, pulling me down and shoving his tongue into my mouth.

I bite his bottom lip and pull away. I sit up on my knees and reach over to grab a condom and some lube from the bedside table. "Sit still," I order.

"I don't need that," he almost whines when he sees the bottle of lube. "Just fuck me."

I raise an eyebrow, "and I'm the impatient one?"

"Shut up."


	14. 0.14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wa supposed to upload three days ago but I was too lazy :( because of that, I will upload another chapter tomorrow to make it up. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy !

I have no idea what time I went to sleep last night or how I even got home but the alarm clock on my phone scares the shit out of me as it screams for me to wake up.

I feel the throbbing pain in my head as soon as I open my eyes. I grimace and reach over to turn off the alarm. I sigh and cover my face with the duvet.

I absolutely did not want to go to school today.

I reach over for my phone without taking the duvet off and pull my phone under so I could text Zayn.

 **Harry:** hey I won't need a ride today

There was a reply almost instantly.

 **Zayn:** everything good?

 **Harry:** yes, I just have a hangover so I won't be going to school

 **Zayn:** okay. need anything?

 **Harry:** no I'm good. thank you

 **Zayn:** no problem. feel better :)

I drop the phone onto the bed and sludge down the stairs. I wished that I had grabbed a pair of sunglasses before I left the room. All the fucking windows were open and my eyes were burning.

I find Linda in the kitchen, a cup of coffee in her hands. I pout and take it from her, desperately gulping it down.

Linda rolls her eyes and grabs a new mug for herself. "I heard you had a late night," she says, a hint of disapproval in her tone.

I grimace and shuffle over to the breakfast bar to sit down. "Who said that?"

"There are cameras everywhere in this house, Harry." Linda sits down across from me.

"I haven't forgotten," I scowl.

The cameras got me in trouble with mum a few months ago when I was caught bringing some drunk people into my room one night. I didn't do anything with them, I only watched but I still got yelled at.

"I'm assuming you're not going to school today?" Linda hums, raising a perfect eyebrow.

I shake my head slightly, wincing at the painful stabbing in my head. "Nope."

Linda sighs, "alright. Take some pills and sleep then."

I finish the rest of the coffee and head upstairs, ready to pass out. I grab a few painkillers from the bathroom and down them before going into my room and passing out.

*

"Wow. You look horrible."

I groan and open my eyes, groaning again when I see that Isak and Karen are standing over me.

"Who let you in?" I sigh, burying my face in the pillow.

"Linda. She's so nice," Isak says, jumping into the bed and cuddling up next to me.

I frown. "Yeah but _why_?"

"We thought you were dead. We texted and called but you didn't answer." Karen hops in the bed on my other side.

"I was sleeping," I mutter, squirming away from Isaks hands that were creeping their way around my waist.

"What the fuck did you do last night? Linda seemed upset." Karen says, hitting the side of my head.

"What? Linda isn't upset. I spoke to her this morning." I shuffle away from her but I realize my mistake when Isak crushes me into his chest.

"She seemed distraught by it. I guess she was trying to call you last night and you weren't answering," Karen murmurs.

I roll my eyes. "It's fine. I'm okay."

"You still should've let someone know you were going to be staying out that late." Karen says and I hate how serious she sounds.

I close my eyes and silently shake my head. Nothing happened, everyone was freaking out for literally no fucking reason. Jesus Christ.

*

Later that night I run into mum while getting some dinner.

"Where were you last night?" she stops me in my tracks.

I clench my jaw and turn around to face her. "Out."

She raises a brow, "care to be specific?"

"I was at a friends. Don't worry about it," I say and don't realize how harsh my words sounded.

"Don't worry about it?" She repeats, baffled. "How am I not supposed to not worry when you're out all night doing god knows what and not answering your phone? Something could've happened and we wouldn't even know!"

I glare at her. "Since when do you give a fuck?" I laugh humorless laugh. "You don't actually give a shit, mum. I was out last night and I'm here now, aren't I? I'm not dead so you can chill out."

Mum looks pissed. "Do you want a repeat of the summer? Do you want that to happen again? Because it _will_ if you keep going down this path, Harry, and next time it will be _too late_."

My eyes start stinging and I turn away from her and head upstairs without another word.

*

 **Harry:** doing anything tonight?

 **Karen:** no? it's also a school night

 **Harry:** go drinking with me

 **Karen:** where?

 **Harry:** my friend TJ's

 **Karen:** the guy who sells you coke?

 **Harry:** yeah

 **Karen:** I'll go with you but I won't drink :( test in history tomorrow. gotta pass it if I wanna keep my car

 **Harry:** come pick me up

 **Karen:** alright

*

"Styles!" TJ grins, opening the door for us.

Like I predicated there was a party being thrown here tonight. It's a small party but I can bet there's something strong to drink here.

I smile at TJ. "Hey."

TJ glances at Karen. "Karen, I haven't seen you in a while."

Karen nods, "what's up."

TJ smirks and steps aside to let us walk into the house. "What brings you two lovelies here at this hour on a school night?"

I roll my eyes and let Karen answer.

"Harry wanted to drink." Karen says as we walk further into the house.

Music is playing and there are a few people here and there. TJ only ever lets people he actually knows in his house so no weird people were here. I could smell weed and cigarettes the closer we got to the living room.

"But you don't ?" TJ walks up to me and throws his arm around my shoulder.

"No," Karen smiles. "I'm his chaperone tonight."

"And I told her I don't need one. I'm capable of taking care of myself." I say sardonically.

"Whatever," Karen dismisses.

"Well," TJ pulls me close. "There's plenty of alcohol here."

Karen throws me a warning look, "don't go crazy."

TJ laughs, "I'll keep an eye on him."

By the look on Karen's face I know she doesn't trust what TJ says, but she stays close anyway.

*

**Zayn**

I usually don't spend my weekdays drinking—well I wasn't really drinking, I was just hanging out here with Louis, but still—I don't usually go to parties on weekdays since I work during them.

But Louis and Ed brought me here and honestly I wanted to leave but sadly they wouldn't let me.

"Sometimes I wish you'd fit into the stereotype," Louis would say with a sigh almost all the time and I'd shrug.

I look around the room and almost think I'm on drugs when I see a familiar head of hair heading our way.

Harry is with TJ, Karen trailing behind them. He was smiling which prompted me to believe he might've been drunk.

Louis stands to hug TJ but I stay leaning against the wall, keeping an eye on Harry.

"Harry, these are my friends," TJ grins, putting his arm around Harry's shoulders.

Harry looks confused for a second, almost as if he wasn't sure if it was actually Louis or not. I wasn't sure he saw me yet. "Yeah, I know Louis," he says and he sounds a bit incoherent.

TJ looks surprised, "small world."

"Small town," I mutter and see how Harry almost jumps at the sound of my voice. I try not to grin when I catch the small smile on Harry's face as he finally looks at me.

Karen smiles at me, "hey, Zayn."

I push myself off the wall and bring Karen into a hug. She squeezes back and laughs. "How're you?" I ask once we pull away. Karen and I have become close ever since she and Niall have started to date, I see her almost everyday and I actually like her considering all the other girls Niall brought home that annoyed the fuck out of me.

"Good," she nods and gestures towards Harry. "Watching this one so he doesn't get into trouble."

I purse my lips and glance at Harry who has an irritated look on his face. "Isn't there school tomorrow?"

"Who cares?" Harry mutters.

I glance back at Karen and she shakes her head, sighing. I put on a smile, "right."

Then everyone starts talking, Harry and I excluded. I watch as he takes sips from a bottle of beer, pressed into TJ's side.

Something was obviously bothering him. I have no idea if it's what kept him from going to school today but he obviously is not going tomorrow if he's going to be drinking all night.

I try to catch Harry's eyes but he doesn't look at me, he only continues to quietly glare at the wall. But a few minutes later he looks at me and I quietly mouth, "let's talk." Harry frowns and stares for a couple of seconds before stepping out from under TJ's arm. I walk to him and gently grab his arm, leading him outside.

I walk a bit more slow when I notice him stumbling as he tries to catch up with my long strides. We're outside in no time, the air humid and the sky dark.

I let go of Harry's arm and he straightens up, blinking. "What?"

I shove my hands into my pockets. "What's wrong?"

Harry's brows furrow. "Nothing," he sounds a little defensive.

I nod. "You don't want to talk about it?"

And something in my tone must've hit him because Harry sighs, shoulders drooping and I don't think I've ever seen him look so... _tired_. My heart aches for him and I want to hug him but I don't think that'd go over too well with him.

"My mum..." he shakes his head, words mumbling together. "She's just been insufferable lately."

"How?"

Harry looks up at me, apprehensive. He shakes his head again, "I wanna leave."

"You want to go home?"

"No. I just don't wanna be here," he says and there's something else in his tone that I don't understand.

I nod though because I understand what he's sharing audibly. "I can take you to my place if you want?"

Harry quickly licks his lips and nods. "Sure."

"Alright. I'll let Louis know I'm leaving," I say and take my keys out of my pocket.

"Can you tell Karen as well? I don't want her to stay if I'm not here," Harry mumbles.

"Yeah," I smile. I hand him my keys. "My car is over there, start it up for me, yeah?"

Harry takes the keys and nods before walking over to the car.

I watch as he opens the passenger side door and starts up the car. Then I walk back into the house and find Louis and Karen.

"Hey," I start. "Harry and I are gonna be going," I don't add anymore but Karen seems to understand.

"Alright. Tell him to text me, okay?" She says.

I nod and look over at Louis. "Cool?"

Louis nods, a small smirk on his face. "We'll catch a ride with Karen."

I say goodbye after that, not wanting to make Harry wait any longer.

Harry is in the car, the AC turned up a bit. I check to see if his seatbelt was on, which it was.

"Ready?" I ask, clipping in my own seatbelt.

"Yeah," Harry says, almost inaudible as he leans his head against the windshield, closing his eyes.

*

We get to my home soon after. I stay close to Harry as we walk into the building, making sure he doesn't fall over. He didn't seem to mind. We're quiet in the elevator but when we're outside my apartment door Harry speaks.

"Is Niall here?" He whispers as we step into the apartment.

"Yeah. I'm sure he's sleeping though, he's been a bit ill lately." I tell him, flicking the lights on.

Harry blinks, looking around. "Wow. Fancy."

I smile. "Thank you. I thought maybe it was a bit too big when I first moved in."

"It's nice," he says quietly.

I lead him to my bedroom, noticing the hesitant look in his eyes. I turn the lights on and stay by the door. "You can sleep in here tonight," I tell him.

Harry turns to face me, his cheeks flushed and eyes glazed over. "And you?"

"I'll be in the living room," I say.

Harry purses his lips and looks around the room. "Alright."

"Okay." I clear my throat. "Do you want anything? Water?"

"Painkillers," he says and takes his jacket off, throwing it on the bed. I was glad he didn't fight me about the sleeping arrangements.

I nod. "Alright. Make yourself at home, I'll be right back."

After giving Harry the painkillers and water, I leave the room, saying goodnight and he says it back, a small smile on his face.


	15. 0.15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love this chapter because we see Zayn and Harry just hanging out like normal people and I would love it if you guys let me know what you think of it ! Thank you for reading ! New chapter next week ! Xoxo

I wake up with a foreign scent stuck in my nostrils and sheets that weren't mine wrapped around me.

I slowly open my eyes, hoping to God I wasn't next to some random boy. Instead I find myself alone, in a bright, unfamiliar room. I furrow my brows, trying to get my sleep muddled mind to remember where I was.

Then I hear chatter and a familiar Irish accent and I remember where I am. I sigh in relief, sinking back into the comfortable bed.

My phone is on one of the pillows and I grab it, already knowing I had multiple missed calls and texts from my mum.

And I was right. Missed calls and texts from mum, dad, Linda and Karen.

I open one of Linda's texts first.

 **Linda:** I thought you knew better, Harry, honestly. Please reply when you get this, we are all worried.

I reply.

 **Harry:** I'm okay, I promise. I'm staying at a friends house today. I won't be going to school but I'll be home later.

 **Linda:** Good, I'm glad you're okay. But we definitely are going to have a talk when you get home, this behavior won't be tolerated.

 **Harry:** okay.

Then I open Karen's texts.

 **Karen:** text me when you wake up.

 **Harry:** I'm up.

Her reply comes instantly.

 **Karen:** you good? you were pretty upset last night.

 **Harry:** yes.

 **Karen:** I assume I won't see you at school today?

 **Harry:** nope.

 **Karen:** I figured that

 **Harry:** yeah. Text you later

 **Karen:** have fun at Zayn's ;)

I close out of the app after that and throw my phone onto the bed, rolling over and stuffing my face into the pillows. Then I remember that this is Zayn's bed and his smell clung to literally everything. For some reason that didn't stop me from inhaling deeply and closing my eyes. I wanted to go back to sleep but I hear a door close in the distance and no more talking.

I look towards the bedroom door and sigh before rolling out the bed, phone in hand. I step out, confused on where to go so I just start walking and hope I find the living room. The apartment was a little bigger than most apartments but after a minute I find it.

Zayn is nowhere to be seen, but I notice a balcony with its doors open and head towards it. Sure enough Zayn is there, sitting in a chair, cigarette in hand.

He sees me as soon as I stick my head out and smiles. "Morning," he says, sounding bright and happy.

It throws me off a bit even though I should be used to his smiles and happiness.

"Hey," I mutter and take the seat a few feet from his.

"Hungry? I made some pancakes just now," he says, returning the cigarette to his lips.

I shake my head. "I'm fine, thanks."

"Or we could go to the diner? They serve breakfast in the morning," Zayn offers, his hair—which was still bedhead but looked a million times better than mine ever could—even when I actually try and style it—dances softly in the gentle, warm breeze.

I run my fingers through my hair and realize how messy it must look compared to his, Zayn doesn't seem to care. "No, I'd rather stay inside today." I mumble.

Zayn smiles softly, "so no school today?"

It's 10 o'clock, it's also Friday today. So, no.

I purse my lips and shake my head, "no."

Zayn nods, "staying inside it is then."

We're quiet for awhile and I want a cigarette but I restrain myself, distracting myself by looking over the balcony and down at the street which I can only assume is very busy on Friday's and weekends. But right now it's quiet and peaceful as a few people and cars go by.

I lean back against the chair and glance at Zayn who has the tiniest smile on his face as he looks up at the sky, his eyes closed. I notice how long his eyelashes are and how his dark hair matches nicely with his skin. Zayn was a nice looking guy, I'll admit. Was this the second time I admitted it? Probably.

I clear my throat and watch as he opens his eyes and looks at me. "Uh, thanks. You know for last night and for letting me stay here today."

Zayn nods, the same smile on his lips. "It was my pleasure. You can stay here anytime you want."

I look down, feeling out of place the longer I hold eye contact. I was appreciative, really. I didn't want to go home last night and I don't want to go home now and I am very appreciative that Zayn has allowed me to stay here, especially since I feel like I'm always so cold towards him.

It's quiet again but it's comfortable and nice. I realize that it's always comfortable and nice with Zayn because he doesn't force me to talk and it never feels forced when we do talk. It feels natural.

Zayn seems to think so too, because he leans his head back and closes his eyes again, letting the sun hit his eyelids.

I return to watching the street.

*

We watch tv until lunchtime when Zayn gets up and makes pizza, handing me a plate with two pieces even after I declined, which I take from him with a coy smile.

We eat and watch tv again, a show Zayn seems to like because he tells me so, babbling about this new season and his favorite characters and I listen, the show slowly growing on me the more we watch and the more Zayn talks about it. I make sure to remember the name so I can watch it from the start at home.

That's when I see the thick stack of books on the coffee table.

I put down the empty plate and wipe my fingers with a napkin. I pick up one of the books and read the words on the cover.

 _Introduction to Psychology_.

"Is this yours?"

Zayn looks sheepish, "uh, yeah."

"You're taking a psychology class?" I wonder, flipping through the pages and seeing numerous, multi-colored sticky notes with writing all over them.

"Yeah. I just started a few months ago," Zayn says, quiet.

"You go to college?"

"I take classes online. I don't really have the time to go to an actual campus." Zayn says, clearing his throat.

I smirk. "You never told me."

"You never asked," he quips back.

I smile and shrug. "True. But this is cool. Psychology, never would've thought you'd be interested in that."

Zayn smiles too, seeming relieved at what I said, "it's interesting."

I put the huge book down and lean back into the couch. "Why do you like it?"

"I don't know. I've always wanted to be a psychologist, I guess. Help people, if I can. It's a ton of work but..." he shrugs.

"I'm impressed," I grin when he rolls his eyes, a whimsical look on his face.

"Why?"

I shrug. "Because when I first met you you were selling me a bunch of pills."

Zayn almost looks ashamed of it. "That was stupid, I'll admit. Trust me, I don't usually give 17 year olds a bunch of pills."

"Nothing bad about it."

He looks like he wants to argue about that but he doesn't. "It takes my mind off of everything, the studying. It's almost therapeutic."

I grimace. "I hate it. Nothing is more infuriating."

Zayn laughs. "Well, sometimes it's therapeutic."

I lick my lips and nod. "What other classes?"

"Well, if the whole psychology thing doesn't work out, I'm hoping to be an English teacher," he picks at his jeans. "We'll see."

*

It's 3 pm and I don't want to leave but I have to if I don't want my parents calling the cops like last time.

I was dreading the conversations I was going to have with them, especially Linda because I _know_ she's disappointed in me. I don't mean to disappoint her, but it just happens, sometimes I don't think before doing things.

So when I sigh as we park in front of my house, Zayn doesn't say anything about it.

"I'll see you Sunday," he says.

I groan. "Almost forgot about that."

"It'll be fun." Zayn grins.

I frown. "It won't be."

"Bet 10 bucks," he smirks.

I roll my eyes. "Ugh."

Zayn sticks his hand out, "shake on it."

"This is dumb," I mutter but Zayn makes a pointed look at his hand and I sigh, shaking it. "Fine. See you Sunday."


	16. 0.16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: this chapter might trigger some people. mention of suicide.
> 
> This chapter is a bit shorter than usual, but it gets the point across (I hope). But I do hope you enjoy this chapter even though it's a pretty heavy one. I've been working hard on these past few chapters trying to make them realistic and personal. Thank you xoxo

"Keep me in your life  
Keep me alive  
Keep me alive."

**-Khalid  
Keep Me**

 

 

  
I enter the house, hoping to go upstairs and sleep for a little before the yelling happens but as soon as I step in I hear heels clacking their way towards me.

I sigh and prepare to see my mum, but instead I see Linda—a deep frown on her face when she sets eyes on me.

"I'm sorry. I should've called," I grimace.

Linda purses her lips. "What's the one thing I want from you, Harry? The one thing."

I run my hand over my tired eyes and exhale through my nose. "Call if I decide to stay out late."

"And you didn't do that," she deadpans.

I don't look at her, not able to stomach it. "I'm sorry."

Linda sighs, "what's going on? Huh? I thought you said you would try? What's making you do this again?"

I clench my jaw, shrugging. "Dunno."

Linda is silent for a bit, waiting for me to say more but I don't. "So that's it?"

"I said I'm sorry," I whisper.

"You said that last time, too. And then you promised me you'd never do it again—look at me," she interrupts herself. I swallow and force my eyes to meet hers, all I see is sadness and it puts an unpleasant feeling in my stomach. "I don't care about the promises you break with your parents, but you do not go back on ours, you hear me? I cannot go on if something were to happen to you again, okay?"

I nod, my vision blurring over and it's so fucking stupid considering I was the one starting this shit again.

Linda sighs again, a sound that doesn't go well with her in general. She walks closer to me and cups my cheeks, looking into my eyes. "You're a son to me, Harry. And I love you, that's why I need to know that you will always let me know when you won't come home, alright? Even if you think it's not a big deal, okay?"

I nod, unable to reply because my throat was clogged.

Linda presses her lips to my forehead, wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug. I return it, stuffing my face into her shoulder and letting my dumbass stupid fucking tears stain her blouse.

*

After that, Linda forces me to eat again, telling me that mum and dad had to go on an unexpected trip and would be back tomorrow morning. I didn't care.

I stay downstairs with Linda until 8pm, she tells me to go take a shower and do my homework. I comply and go upstairs to my bedroom.

I throw myself onto the bed and plug the charger into my phone, kicking off my shoes and crawling under the sheets.

I try not to think about my conversation with Linda, knowing it'll only upset me. Disappointing Linda was the worst feeling ever, since it felt like she was the only person who actually loved me and letting down the only person who loves you is fucking horrible, it makes me nauseous.

But I try to uphold my promise to Linda, honestly. I try so fucking hard but it's difficult when you're constantly being disappointed and let down and it fucking sucks but the only way I can deal with it without fucking killing myself is to drink or do drugs. And sometimes I may go overboard but I'm here now, alive, right? And apparently me being alive matters to Linda.

It's a constant battle. I so badly want to end it sometimes but then I think of Linda, Karen and at times even my dad and it makes me stop and think and saves my life but sometimes I think it's not worth it. I'm always going in circles. Going back and forth on why I shouldn't just be _gone_.

I hate it. I wish I was selfish enough to actually go through with it so I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore but I guess I'm not because here I am, crying and complaining about my "miserable" life instead.

I almost succeeded once. I don't remember it clearly but it was a month and half after my brother got arrested. I had a small baggie of coke and I was already very drunk and one thing led to another and I woke up in the hospital a day later, Linda and my mum and dad crying over me. I don't think I can explain the feeling I had when I realized that I was still alive. It's almost sad, but that's fucking life. Things get too hard and some of us can handle it but maybe some of us can't handle it and choose the easy way out. I don't know if I would actually call it the easy way out but it was easier than living.

I don't know if I'll ever return to normal and stop feeling this way. I want to, but at the same time I don't because I don't remember feeling any other way besides _this_ way.

I don't know who I was before this person I've never met before took over my body but at the same time I don't think my old self could handle this new body and the way it feels all the time so I guess being this way is kind of helping me uphold my promise to Linda. Because before I never thought of anyone else but myself, never cared about anyone besides myself but now I do. I think about Linda and how heartbroken she would be if I was gone and it always keeps me from doing something permanent.

So I guess my life meant something. I guess.


	17. 0.17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Update ! On time ! What is this—it's so foreign ! I wasn't going to upload today simply because I was being a lazy fuck, but I re-read the chapter and really wanted to post it so I can post the next chapter next week because that's when we really get into it. Anyway, I'm talking a lot of shit—but thank you for reading! Not much else I need to say on this chapter. So enjoy ! Xoxo

Sunday arrives faster than I wanted it to.

8am is when the havoc erupts and all I can hear is yelling, doors slamming and shoes scurrying against the floor.

I sigh, grabbing my phone from the table and pulling the duvet over my head, pressing the home button and seeing the screen illuminate with a text.

 **Zayn:** I hope they don't serve crab. I'm allergic :/

 **Harry:** my mum loves crab. but don't worry, there will be plenty of other choices for you to pick from

 **Zayn:** phew.

 **Zayn:** why are you up so early?

 **Harry:** too many people in my house. they're being really inconsiderate of the sleeping people in this house.

 **Zayn:** but the ruckus is to be expected isn't it?

 **Harry:** well I was expecting you to invite me over so I can escape this nightmare for a few hours but I guess I'm texting the wrong person :/

 **Zayn:** I told you you're welcome to come over anytime, Harry.

I read the text and stare at it for a minute, waiting for the little text bubbles to go away so I can reply.

 **Zayn:** would you like to come over, Harry?

 **Harry:** honestly? yes. but sadly I have duties today

 **Zayn:** ah. same. gotta pick out the suit I'm going to wear this evening.

 **Harry:** how very last minute of you.

 **Zayn:** I wouldn't be if you haven't been distracting me all week.

 **Harry:** excuse me? I seem to recall you being the one forcing car rides on me

 **Zayn:** our car rides are amazing and you know it ;)

 **Harry:** don't stroke your ego too much

 **Zayn:** too late. it's already huge

 **Harry:** you're talking about your ego?

 **Zayn:** yes. what else would I be talking about that's huge?

 **Harry:** your quiff

 **Zayn:** yes, that's quite huge also.

There's a knock on my door and then a voice.

"Mr Styles?" said a strong feminine voice.

I squint my eyes, trying to quickly figure out if I should fake being asleep or answer. But the woman takes matters into her own hands before I can decide.

She opens the door and it's too late for me to pretend to be asleep so I pull the duvet down to look at her. "Your haircut is going to be happening now since you were not available yesterday," she says, getting straight to the point. I recognized her to be Justine, the intense woman that works for my mum. "Please come with me," she directs, unbothered by the fact that I'm in bed, half-naked and glaring at her as she throws instructions my way.

"Can I get dressed?" I sigh.

She nods and then backs out of the room, closing the door but I don't hear her walk away.

I run my fingers through my hair, frowning.

 **Harry:** gotta go. being forced to cut my hair :(

 **Zayn:** revolt!

 **Harry:** ha next time. see you later

 **Zayn:** you will. have fun!

I exhale through my nose and climb out the bed. I put on a t-shirt that was on the floor and head toward the door, gripping my phone in my hand.

As I suspected, Justine was right outside my door, standing tall and stolid as a wall. She takes me in, then does a sharp 90 degree turn, her heels clacking toward the staircase.

*

I get my hair cut soon after, my shaggy curls shorter. I ended up liking the cut, happy they didn't cut it _too_ short.

I go back upstairs after that, quickly trying to get away from all the working people and the noise.

I take a long shower in my bathroom, getting out once the bathroom was foggy with humidity and the mirror was covered. I take my time drying myself, tired as hell. I slept maybe 10 hours last night but I was still so exhausted, wanting to do nothing but lay in bed all day.

Thankfully all I had to do today was get a haircut and I already got that over with so I exit the bathroom and drop the towel on the floor, putting on some boxers and throwing myself on the bed afterwards.

I grab my laptop off the table and open the lid, typing in Netflix and prepare to spend the rest of my few hours left until the event started doing this.

*

At 1pm I get a text from Zayn. It was a picture of him in a dark grey suit with a navy blue button up underneath, he was making finger guns at the camera, winking with a grin on his face.

 **Zayn:** hot or not?

I find myself smiling, typing out a reply before even thinking.

 **Harry:** nice.

 **Harry:** though I feel bad for the person taking your picture

 **Zayn:** Liam took like 80 pictures, he's my hype man.

 **Zayn:** and thanks, I think I'll go with this.

 **Harry:** poor Liam

 **Zayn:** how'd your haircut go?

 **Harry:** not as bad as I thought it would be. curls are still there

 **Zayn:** thank the heavens!

 **Zayn:** I think the curls are your best attributes tbh.

 **Harry:** not my beautiful smile? I'm hurt

 **Zayn:** hmm. I rarely ever get to see it, but yes, your smile might be your best attribute actually. right there side-by-side with the curls maybe.

 **Harry:** was that a compliment?

 **Zayn:** yes.

 **Harry:** well thanks. I think

 **Zayn:** I'm going to get ice cream with Liam, would you like to join us?

 **Harry:** sounds lovely but I think I'm good for now. might get some shut-eye for an hour or two.

 **Zayn:** good plan. see you at 5 ;)

 **Harry:** not a date.

 **Zayn:** whatever you say.

*

I manage to sleep for 3 hours, only getting up when I hear rapid knocks on my bedroom door.

I'm told I need to get dressed soon and am handed a a hanger with my clothes hanging off it. The person leaves and I put the hanger on the bed, locking the door and quickly getting dressed, just wanting this whole evening to go away.

I'm wearing a black button-up shirt with tiny white hearts all over them—I had to fight Justine on the shirt for almost an hour until she decided to let me wear it, knowing I wasn't gonna give up. I wore a black blazer and black dress pants that fit me nicely along with it, kicking the shiny dress shoes away and opting for my new boots instead.

After that I head over to the bathroom and try to manage my hair. It's been a while since I put any care into styling my hair so I end up giving up halfway and just leave it be.

I heave a long sigh when there's a knock on my door again. I pinch the bridge of my nose and open it, revealing Justine.

"Your parents are waiting downstairs to take pictures," she looks me up and down, assessing me. "Where are the dress shoes? I sent them up here for you to wear."

I shrug, putting a dumb look on my face. "No idea."

Justine narrows her striking blue eyes, not believing my bullshit but she moves on. "Let us get going, then."

I nod and tell her to give me a minute. I grab my phone off my bed and shove it into my pocket, closing my bedroom door after me.

I notice what Justine is wearing as we scale down the staircase. She wasn't wearing the black pants suit I remember her wearing that one day last week, instead she was wearing a nice dark blue dress, black heels, her blonde hair nicely pinned back.

My parents are in front of the elaborate water fountain, photographers surrounding them. I purse my lips, hating this. Everything my mum had to do needed to be big and it was so damn annoying. I'm pretty sure an iPhone could capture a nice photo as well.

Justine leads me to them, whispering something to my mum before stepping off to the side, out of the flashing cameras.

I stand in the middle of my parents, blindly putting on a smile as the cameras rapidly flash. After a few pictures of the three of us Linda joins us, looking lovely in a red dress. I glance at her and she glances back, raising her eyebrows at me before pulling me close and smiling for the cameras. I do the same.

The pictures finally end after what feels like a million years and I have to blink a few times before the black dots go away.

"You look good, son," dad says, clapping me on the shoulder and grinning.

"Thanks. You too," I say back, noticing his brown hair—tinged with bits of grey—had been recently cut as well. We had very similar hair.

The cameras move on from us, but this time they're on my mum as she poses with her guests. She tells dad to join and he turns to me to rolls his eyes, patting my shoulder once more before joining them.

I walk off with Linda.

"Any drinks around?" I mutter and smile at the glare Linda gives me. "I'm kidding."

"Sparkling water for the kids," she grins.

I grunt. "Disgusting."

"There's champagne but you're not going to having any," she says and it's more of an order.

"Maybe I'll have a taste," I say quietly, only saying it to see her squint her eyes at me.

Linda rolls her brown eyes, pushing a lock of curly hair behind her ear. "I heard you're bringing a guest."

"How?" I raise an eyebrow.

"I saw the guest list. Zayn?" she says, her lips curled up into a smile.

I shrug. "A friend I met through Karen."

"The one that has been picking you up every morning?" her tone sounds teasingly inquisitive and I roll my eyes at her.

"Yes."

"Where is he?"

"On his way probably," I sigh.

"I'd love to meet him." Linda hums happily.

"I'm sure you would."


	18. 0.18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was supposed to be for last week but I didn't upload last Monday, sorry. I will be uploading another chapter tomorrow morning for THIS Monday (which I also missed). I was busy last week moving my sister into her apartment and this Monday I just got super lazy. Anyway, thank you for reading and sorry once again for the inconsistency ! Xoxo

Zayn arrives at 4:50pm.

And I have to admit—once again—how incredibly good he looked. I watch him talk to the person at the front door and shake my head, can't fathom how nice he looked.

When he sees me he grins, hazel eyes running over my body.

"You clean up nicely, Styles." Zayn says, stopping in front of me.

My cheeks warm up and I roll my eyes. "I could say the same for you," but that would be a lie because he looked...well, I think I complimented him too many times already.

"Could you?" he smirks, lips curled up into a sly smile.

"Yes, but I won't." I mutter and start walking toward the open bar.

Zayn follows. "You have a nice house by the way, looks much bigger inside."

I shrug, "it's nothing interesting."

Zayn looks at me like I told a joke, running his fingers through his hair which was styled nicely—messy but appropriate for the evening. "Yeah, I'm sure you've grown tired of it."

"I have," I say.

We walk to the bar and Zayn grabs a flute of champagne and I grab one for myself, ignoring Linda's voice warning me in the back of my head.

"A lot of people here," Zayn notes, leaning against the bar, his elbow against the counter.

"Yeah. It's a bit too much," I mumble. "My mum loves going all out," and there must've been a bit more venom in my tone than I intended to let out because Zayn looks at me, a solemn look on his face.

"I can agree," he replies with.

I lick my lips and take a sip from the glass, casting my eyes downward. "I used to think it was cooler when I was younger. But now it's just..." I shrug, nodding out towards all the people walking about.

"It's understandable," Zayn hums.

I clear my throat and look at him, grateful. "Thanks for coming by the way. You didn't really have to."

Zayn smiles, the mood immediately lifting when his lips lift upwards, looking back at me, "it gave me an excuse to hang out with you."

And he says it with so much sincerity and happiness that I don't have the heart to scowl and try to shoo the thoughts out of his head.

I wouldn't have had time to anyway because behind Zayn I see Linda, coming our way. Thankfully she kept getting stopped by the guests and I quickly shoot back the rest of the glass and watch as she politely tries to get away from them. Linda was kind like me when it came to interacting with people.

But in no time she was walking over to us, a smile on her face and I could tell she was reining in a huge fucking smile. She probably was happy that I had other friends that weren't Karen.

Zayn sees her as she comes up from behind him, standing in front of us.

I clear my throat when I realize Linda wants me to introduce them. "This is Linda."

Linda scowls at my poor attempt at an introduction so she does it herself. "I'm Linda. Harry's babysitter," she grins at me at the last part and I roll my eyes.

Zayn obviously finds it amusing and shakes Linda's hand. "I'm Zayn. It's nice to meet you."

Linda smiles, throwing me a side glance. "Harry never talks about you—well I try to bring you up but he never wants to talk about it!"

Zayn looks at me and there's a stupid smile on his face that probably looks innocent to Linda but it was so patronizing. "I wonder why?"

I purse my lips, choosing not to answer.

"I think he just has a crush—one time when he was 13 he had a crush on this boy down the street and was so shy—"

"Oh my god," I sigh, slumping against the bar.

"It was so cute, I'm telling you," she continues despite the fact that I looked like I wanted to die.

"Please stop," I mumble over my hand as I drag a hang over my face.

"No, continue. I want to hear this story." Zayn encourages her and I kick his shin or rather his calf.

"No," I glare at him.

"Stop being rude, Harry." Zayn scowls.

" _You're_ being rude," I retort.

Linda looks pleased with herself. "Actually, I just came over to say hi. I don't want to embarrass little Harry any longer." But that's exactly what she did. She literally did the exact opposite of what she just said.

Zayn looks disappointed but lets her leave. "Alright. Once again it was nice to meet you," he grins.

"You as well. Next time you'll hear the full story," she promises and I frown as Linda waves and leaves.

Zayn turns to look at me. "I think that went well."

*

I'm giving Zayn a tour—it wasn't really my idea, I would've been fine with us staying at the bar and drinking but Zayn dragged me away from the second drink I was having and insisted that I show him around my "big" house.

I'll admit, my home was big and in all the years that I've lived here I'm pretty sure there's at least one room left that I've never been in yet. I've lost count of how much rooms there are exactly.

Zayn nods as I tell him about the house and I watch closely trying to see if he actually cared or if he was just trying to inconvenience me by giving him this dumbass tour.

"When was it built?" he asks, stopping at a wall and looking at the family pictures hung up there.

"They had it built a little while before we moved from Cheshire," I mumble, cautious as he looks at a family picture with all 4 of us.

"Brother?" he quirks up an eyebrow.

My stomach twists and I nod, stiff.

"You never mentioned a brother," he smiles as he turns to look at me, then back at the photo, noting the resemblance between me and Spencer.

I manage to shrug despite feeling a little sick. "He's gone," I mutter.

Zayn seems to notice my change of mood and frowns, "oh. I'm sorry for your loss."

And I don't correct him because Spencer is as good as dead to me.

*

An hour passes and I'm starving but I don't want to eat any of the hors d'oeuvres being served. Zayn eats a few though, grimacing at the crabs that some servers are walking about the room with.

"You're not hungry?" Zayn asks, licking his fingers.

"I'm starving but this stuff isn't really appetizing." I say.

"Lets go to the kitchen," he suggests and I find it funny how he's not really shy about being at someone else's house during a banquet, but I liked it—it was comforting.

So we go to the kitchen and rummage through the fridge, ignoring the annoyed looks the cooks were giving us.

I manage to find some pizza hidden all the way in the back of the fridge and I have no idea how long it's been there but I heat it up anyway.

Zayn and I stay in the empty part of the kitchen, deciding to stay out of the cooks way after he starts muttering in French, throwing glances our way.

"So," Zayn starts and I can tell he wants to talk about something.

I raise an eyebrow and swallow the bite of pizza I had taken. "Yes?"

"How do you know TJ?" he asks, sipping on a beer he took from the fridge before we got shooed from the main part of the kitchen.

"About a year, I think. Almost," I shrug. "Why?"

Zayn shrugs too, but he looks like he wants to say more. "How do you know him?"

I smirk. "He sells me coke. Other things, too, but mostly coke."

Zayn snorts, "of course."

"What?" I roll my eyes.

"You know he's supposed to be in AA?" Zayn says but I have a feeling he knows I know.

"Are you trying to imply that I'm influencing him?" I laugh.

"Well," he looks up with a sweep of his eyelashes to meet my eyes and he smirks. "You are quite tempting."

I scoff at his poor attempt at flirting. "Blame Davey. He's supposed to be his sponsor."

Zayn purses his lips and nods, somewhat agreeing. "I guess so."

I bite off a piece of pizza again and chew, my eyes trailing off to Zayn's hands, where the tattoos that couldn't be covered up were. A tiny lightsaber on the inside of his middle finger.

"Star Wars." I point out, my mouth full.

Zayn turns his hand to look at the tattoo and smiles. "Yeah. It lights up under a black light."

I purse my lips in approval. "That's cool."

"I'll show you one day."

"I'm thinking of getting another tattoo when I turn 18," I tell him and gauge his reaction, it seems he's trying to remember when my birthday is.

"February," he remembers with squinted eyes and I nod in approval. "Of what?"

"I don't know." I shrug but smile when I remember something Karen said once. "Get the word 'Big' on the big toe."

Zayn laughs, his sparkling white teeth showing and his eyes crinkling. "Sounds good. Very nice."

"Thanks."

*

We're back in the main room where my parents are preparing to give a speech.

I can see them from where I'm sitting next to Zayn. Justine was next to them, talking to them quietly while another person was introducing them, talking about the company's _huge_ success this year and all that shit.

"Now, please give a warm welcome to Mr and Mrs Styles," the man says, stepping aside for my parents as the guests clap.

My dad gives a speech and it's good, well rehearsed. He starts thanking all the people they worked with this year and all that and I tune out as soon as he gives the stage to mum.

I look at Zayn and he seemed to be intently listening to my mum. I look away then, meeting eyes with Linda who sat a few tables away. She raises her eyebrows and glances at Zayn, a smile on her face. I shake my head and pretend to listen to the rest of the speech.

*

"You're mum looks a lot like you," Zayn says at the end of the night.

Guests were starting to leave and my dad was at the front door, thanking them for coming.

I roll my eyes. "You seemed very immersed with her speech."

"I wanted to know what their work is about since you glazed over it that one time I asked you," he smirks.

"Because it doesn't interest me," I remark.

"It is quite interesting though—what they've managed to do in just a few years. Impressive," he muses.

"Do you wanna go suck their dick some more? I'll call them over?" I scoff.

Zayn laughs. "I love how miffed you are about it."

"I'm not _miffed_ ," I glare at him.

Zayn rolls his eyes and throws his arm around my shoulders. "Walk me out. That's what dates do—oops I meant friends."

I grumble and walk to the front door, Zayn's arm still around my shoulders. But when we get close to my dad I shrug him off, rolling my eyes at the look he gives me.

"Harry, are you going somewhere?" he asks, glancing at Zayn and I notice the way his expression changes when he sees standing close to me.

"I'm just walking Zayn out," I tell him.

He nods but continues staring at Zayn and it's almost comical, my dad staring at Zayn in a threatening way and Zayn just giving him a smile.

"I had a lovely time, Mr Styles." Zayn sticks his hand out.

Dad begrudgingly shakes Zayn's hand, nodding slowly. "Not too long," he seems to be warning both of us.

I hold back a sigh and mutter an 'okay', pushing Zayn through the door before he can irritate my dad any further.

"He doesn't seem to like me," Zayn grins when we reach his Jeep.

"Yup," I sigh out.

He finds it amusing. "Do you think he thinks we're dating?"

"Get in your car, Zayn." I pinch the bridge of my nose.

Zayn laughs as does so, leaning out the open window when he closes the door and starts up the car. "If this the part when you kiss me goodnight?"

"I absolutely hate you."

"See you tomorrow morning, Harry." Zayn laughs loudly, looking joyous.

I watch him drive off.


	19. 0.19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! So sorry for not uploading for the past two weeks or however long it's been. I've been really fucking lazy and not motivated to do anything. But I got some new music, which always gets me in the mood to write, and I'm back. There will be another chapter posted tomorrow to make up for not uploading recently, I promise. So thank you for reading and coming back and reading whenever I upload sporadically. Enjoy xoxo.

**One month later**

 

"You think you passed it?"

"I know where the beach is, Karen. I've been here many times before." I grit out, annoyed.

"We've been driving for too long," Karen says, equally as annoyed. "The GPS says we should've been there 10 minutes ago."

We were meeting everyone at the beach—everyone being Zayn, Niall and the rest of their group. But Karen was making it extremely difficult to focus and maybe— _maybe_ we missed the beach because I wasn't paying attention but I wasn't going to _admit_ that to her. I can subtly find my way back to the beach.

"The GPS can suck my dick. I'm the one driving and I'm telling you we'll be there in a few minutes. Where is the beach gonna go? It'll be there no matter if we're a million years late," I snap at her.

"That last sentence didn't even make sense," Isak points out. "I notice how awfully more British you get when you're mad."

"Shut up."

"He's right. You called me a gebby plum! What does that even _mean_?"

I ignore her, trying to focus on the road.

"It's like a bunch of fake, British words pour from your mouth." Isak cackles.

"It's not fake," I roll my eyes.

"Then what the fuck does plum mean?" Karen scoffs.

I sigh and do a U-turn, seeing the beach a few yards away. "See, there's the fucking beach."

Karen glares at me. "You're an asshole."

"Fuck you," I glare back.

"Eyes on the road, please." Isak slaps my shoulder.

I grunt and look back at the road, trying not to hit any pedestrians. I park where we did last time we were here and stop the car, pulling the keys out.

"Whoa. Nice car, Styles." Niall says as he comes up to Karen and gives her a kiss.

I huff and join Isak as we walk up to a cooler. I pull out a can of beer from the watery ice and hand another to Isak.

I spot Zayn by the goal, playing footie with Louis.

"How was the wedding by the way?" Isak asks, ripping my attention away from the taller man.

"The wedding?" I repeat. "Uh, it was fine. A lot of Karen's family, but it was okay."

"Karen says you danced," Isak raises a brow.

I roll my eyes. "Her mum forced me. I had to."

"You know she recorded it?"

"Yes, I know. I her saw with her phone out."

Isak and I move over to the benches—aka some large pieces of drift wood that rest against the sand. I crack open the can and take a sip.

"How's Nate?" I ask Isak.

I haven't seen Nate in awhile. He hasn't been at school for almost 2 weeks and he isn't answering my calls so I have no idea what was happening with him. I recently found out though that it's about his sister when Isak let me know he's in contact with Nate.

"He's doing okay now," Isak answers, blue eyes squinting against the sun. "He's been staying at the hospital for the past few weeks."

"How's she doing?" I say, more quietly.

Isak shakes his head. "I don't know. He won't tell me but I assume it's not good if it's keeping him from school."

I sigh, pursing my lips. "Did you tell him I've been trying to call him?" Isak nods. "What'd he say to that?"

"He uh, hasn't said anything about that either," and he looks apologetic.

And yeah, that hurt more than it should've. I've been cold to Nate in the past, I won't lie about that but I genuinely care about him and I thought I made that clear last time we were together. But I understand if he wants space—I can give him that. It still fucking hurt nonetheless.

"Alright." I mumble. "Just...let him know I care, okay?"

Isak nods and puts a hand on my back. "Of course."

*

"Why are you always sitting by yourself?" Zayn walks up to me, sweat surrounding the collar of his light grey shirt and a slight sheen on his forehead.

I shrug. I was once again sat in the back of a trunk of a big car, hanging out by the cooler.

He grabs a water bottle and sits down next to me, squinting up at the sky. "It's going to rain soon."

I look up at the sky and see maybe one or two big clouds. "How do you know that?"

"The waves are getting stronger. It's windier," he points out.

"Are you also studying to be a weatherman?" I mutter.

Zayn chuckles. "No. It's just very obvious to me, I guess."

I nod absentmindedly, "nice."

Zayn is quiet for a minute but from my peripheral I can see him staring at me. Then he speaks. "Is something on your mind?"

I almost want to scoff. Many things were on my mind—too many fucking things. "No," is what I reply with though because talking about all the shit going on in my head wasn't going to help me.

"That's a lie," Zayn scoffs lightly. "But I won't push you if you don't want to talk."

I lean against the car and watch as Zayn pulls out a box of cigarettes and lights one. I think I watch him for maybe a full minute before I take the box from his hand and pull one out for myself, also grabbing the lighter.

It feels good, especially after so long of not allowing myself to smoke. The feeling reminds me of when I was a small kid coming home from school and running into my mums arms, hugging her tightly. But that was before she ripped her own heart out of her chest and gone cold. Cigarettes were the substitute and they did their job well—made me feel warm and relaxed.

I finish the cigarette quickly and go for another one and Zayn doesn't say anything.

It starts softly drizzling and none of our friends seem to care so we sit there, quiet.

*

I'm home alone Saturday afternoon. Linda was gone—she was visiting family in Italy and wouldn't be back for another two weeks. My parents were gone also, on a business trip in Japan I was told.

The house was eerily quiet when it was just me. I could've easily invited Karen over or I couldn't just as easily gone over to her house but I craved a different kind of company.

 **Harry:** mind keeping me some company?

 **Zayn:** I would love to.

 **Harry:** actually, I'd love to come over

 **Zayn:** I'll be there in 10 to pick you up.

 **Harry:** that's okay, I can drive myself

 **Zayn:** sure thing. I'll send my address

And then I was heading over to Zayn's, driving one of my dads convertibles—which I wouldn't have been able to even look at if they were home.

I notice the _Always Open_ diner as I near the grand apartment complex Zayn shares with Niall. I make a note to go there again because I liked it so much last time.

I park in the garage as Zayn instructed me to do so and ride the lift up to his apartment.

I'm about to knock on the door but it's pulled open, startling me. But it's only Niall and he looks just as startled as I do.

"Harry, mate! What are you doing here?" Niall beams, pulling me in for a hug, ignoring when I mutter 'I don't do hugs' and only patting my back a few times before releasing me.

I give him a timid smile. "Hey."

Zayn appears behind Niall, smiling when he sees the look on my face. "Harry and I are hanging out for a bit, Niall."

Niall turns to look at Zayn and nods. "Alright. Well I'm off. Have fun, lads." He pats my back once more before maneuvering around me and leaving.

I give Zayn a shrug and close the door. I see the shoes by the door and take mine off before stepping fully inside.

"Sorry. Niall's quite fond of you, as you can tell." Zayn says as he walks me to the living room.

"Wonder why," I say dryly.

Zayn gives me a grin. "Probably Karen."

I roll my eyes and sit on the couch. "Where's he off to, anyway?"

"Louis'. They're going out of town tonight." He lingers a few feet away.

"You're not going?"

"No," he shakes his head, a slight smile on his face. "I try not to go out of town as much."

"Why?"

Zayn shrugs. "The surrounding towns aren't any more interesting than this town. Plus, there are plenty of other people to accompany Louis."

I nod, "hm."

Zayn clears his throat. "Anything I can get you to drink?"

"Water," I mumble politely.

While Zayn gets that I reach over to the coffee table and turn the tv on, putting on the show Zayn hooked me on.

When he returns and sees what's on, he laughs. "I knew you liked it!"

I may have pretended to dislike the show when he first showed it to me.

"Shut up. It's not that great," I roll my eyes and take the glass of water from him. Ice clinked around in the glass and I don't remember telling Zayn I liked water with ice. Or maybe I did and I have horrible memory, which seemed more plausible.

Zayn sits next to me, pulling his feet up on the couch and wrapping an arm around his shins. "You totally love this show," he mutters and I see a tiny smile on his face.

"Alright. Calm down," I say after taking a sip of water.

I didn't know how to bring up yesterday. I definitely ignored everyone all day and Zayn definitely noticed. But he stayed with me all day at the beach yesterday nonetheless and I appreciated that. I've learned that friends are... _sacred_? _Valuable_? I don't know what friends mean to me specifically, but I know that I should be thankful for them, and I should tell them how thankful I am because I can sometimes be cold and mean and that unfortunately pushes people away and makes them think I don't give a shit about them.

Zayn gave a shit about me yesterday even after I smoked all his cigarettes and gave him the cold shoulder and I should give a shit about him, too.

I'm awkward as fuck though, and I don't know how to bring it up without sounding like I put too much thought into it—which I _did_ , trust me, but I don't want it to come off that way. I don't want to seem like a child learning for the first time what friendship and _niceness_ means even though that is completely true in this situation.

"I'm sorry about yesterday," I blurt, not realizing that I interrupted whatever Zayn was saying.

He looks startled but he shakes it off and nods. "It's okay."

"It isn't though," I mumble, feeling foolish. "I should've at least been nice about it."

"We all have those days," he says. "I get it."

"I was being a dick. Moody," I grimace. "I'm sorry and thank you, for you know, asking me about it."

Zayn smiles and says, "I will always be here. Even if you don't want to talk about it. I think it's important to ask anyway, just in case you ever do."

I don't know if it was the sincerity in his eyes or the softness of his words but my mouth starts moving before my brain can even catch up.

"My friend Nate," I start, staring down at the ice cubes that were melting into the water, "his sister is sick and she's been in the hospital."

"I'm sorry," Zayn says quietly.

"He hasn't been to school lately," I continue. "So I've been calling him, trying to see if he's okay but he doesn't answer. And at first I thought he wasn't answering because he's too busy with his sister but Isak is talking to him."

"Isak?" Zayn repeats.

"Yes," I nod. "So I ask Isak if he can let Nate know I've been trying to call him and Isak told me yesterday that Nate said literally nothing when he told him. And it's fucking stupid—I know it is—for me to make this about me and be so fucking selfish. His fucking sister is _sick_ and I'm over here fucking crying about whether he thinks I don't care or not—which I obviously fucking do because I've told him before! But he thinks I don't because I'm an asshole, I've always been an asshole to him so why would he think that I give a shit?"

Zayn is quiet for awhile so I look up at him and see him staring at me, lips pursed. "I think he knows that you care," he says. "But when things like that happen—when someone in your family is sick and in the hospital it's scary to talk to someone about it. I remember when Louis' mum was in the hospital and he wouldn't talk to me, but he talked to Niall and it made me think that he thought I didn't care about her health or his feelings or something like that. But that wasn't the problem at all, he said he was just scared to talk to me. He didn't say why but I believed him. So, your friend probably is just scared to talk to you about what's happening—you shouldn't blame yourself, Harry."

I furrow my brows, taking in what he said. "I guess you're right. I don't know...I just want to be able to speak to him."


	20. 0.20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello ! Enjoy another chapter ! Comment any questions you guys have, I will definitely answer them ! Thank you for reading. Xoxo

"Your parents don't care that you're staying out this late?" Zayn asks, licking ice cream off the spoon.

We were at the diner, eating _ice cream_ out of all things. It wasn't busy at this hour, maybe a handful of people were eating or hanging out here. There was also nice, quiet music playing from the speakers. I can tell exactly why Zayn likes this place so much.

"They're out of town," I smirk. "Also, I don't have a _curfew_."

Zayn raises an eyebrow, a small amused smile on his face at my slight glare. "You're home alone?"

"Yes."

"For how long?" he asks, sticking his spoon into his sundae and leaning against the table.

I shrug. "A week maybe? Linda—I don't know if you remember her— but she's with her family in Italy and my parents are on a business trip."

"You're going to be by yourself in your house for a week?" Zayn repeats.

"Yeah? I don't feel like I need to spell this out for you," I laugh, pushing some hair out of my eyes.

Zayn's brows furrow, amusement being replaced with concern. "That doesn't bother you? Being alone in that mansion?"

"I'm used to it," I shrug again and put a spoonful of ice cream in my mouth. My parents used to leave me at home when I was 12, but Linda was always there with me. I've been alone by myself for quite a bit though, it's not that bad. I usually hang out with Karen most of that time because, I'll admit it often does get lonely and super boring. But I wasn't gonna tell my parents that, mum would probably roll her eyes and tell me to grow up.

Zayn licks his bottom lip, slight worry etched across his face. "Stay over at my place for the week."

I almost choke on the ice cream and do a double take, "what?"

"Stay at my place. I doubt you want to be alone at that house," he suggests, looking straight into my eyes when he says it. "If you want."

I swallow and purse my lips, "uh. Well, sure, okay. You don't mind? A week is long?"

Zayn shrugs, a reassuring smile on his face. "Of course not. Niall will be out of town most of the week anyway so you can stay in my room and I'll be in his."

I feel my cheeks stupidly heat up at the nice gesture. "Thanks."

Zayn nods, not making a big deal out of it, probably only for my sake. "It'll be fun. We'll come here everyday after school."

I laugh, "don't you work?"

Zayn grins, "selling drugs isn't a very difficult job."

"And what about your studying?"

"I'll study when you study," he replies easily.

"Hm. Alright. Sounds good," I mumble and look down, spooning some ice cream up to avoid looking into Zayn's eyes.

*

"You don't mind if we stop at Louis'? I want to pick up a gram or two," Zayn says as he starts up the car.

I shrug. "Shouldn't you have some at your place, simply by principal?"

Zayn looks amused. "Believe it or not, I hate the smell of weed. I'd prefer if it wasn't in my apartment, honestly."

"Really?" I raise my eyebrows. "That's surprising."

"You have to admit, it doesn't have the most pleasant of smells." Zayn wrinkles his nose.

"Yeah, I guess that's true." I say. I remember the first time I smelled weed and almost gagged. It's a strong smell to get used to and I guess Zayn never did.

We reach Louis' house. Zayn stops the car and tells me to go with him. I follow after him into the house I've been in once before.

"I thought you said Louis left?"

"He did. Ed and Liam are here," he says, pulling out keys and unlocking the front door where I notice there are some small cameras drilled into the entrance.

"Nice security," I point out.

"Louis' pretty paranoid about someone robbing his house," Zayn chuckles.

We walk into the house, Liam and Ed were on the couch, close together as they drank beer and watched the TV.

Liam rolls his head to the side to look at us, smiling once he sees Zayn. "Hey."

"Lazying about, I see." Zayn grins as he pats Liam's shoulder. "Edward."

Ed raises his beer, "sup."

Liam's eyes shift to me and he gives me a welcoming smile. "Hey, Harry."

I smile back. "Hi, Liam."

Zayn smiles, seeming to find it funny that I was being nice. "I'll be back," he seems to be telling me because he waits for my reply.

I nod to him and sit myself down on the armchair across from Ed and Liam as Zayn disappears upstairs.

"Beer?" Liam asks, brown eyes polite.

I shake my head. "No, I'm good. Thanks."

"How's your weekend been so far? I see Zayn has you hostage once again." Ed says.

I chuckle. "No, this time it's not a hostage situation. And my weekends been alright."

"Zayn seems to have taken a liking to you." Ed smirks.

Liam snorts, "that's an understatement."

I shrug. "I'm irresistible."

Ed laughs at that. "Zayn would agree with you."

"Don't embarrass our boy," Liam slaps Ed on the shoulder but the look on his face told me that he wants this banter to continue.

"I can see why. You're pretty attractive," Ed says, then he squints. "Wait, how old are you?"

I smirk. "17."

Ed nods. "I assume you're turning 18 soon?"

I nod.

"What's the age of consent in America?" Liam wonders while Ed cackles.

"It's different in every State, pretty stupid if you ask me." Ed snorts.

"Jesus Christ," Zayn appears at the hallway, rolling his eyes at his friends.

"Just wondering!" Liam laughs.

Ed smirks at Zayn. "We were just making conversation."

"About consent?"

"Harry didn't mind." Ed says and Zayn looks over at me.

I shrug. "Consent is important, Zayn."

Zayn makes a noise of annoyance. "Alright. Let's go, enough of whatever the hell is happening here."

I say goodbye to Ed and Liam and follow Zayn out the house, walking to the car while he locks the door back up.

When we get into the car, Zayn pulls out a pack of shells and hands me a small container.

"You know how to roll up?" He asks, smirking.

I take the items from him and roll my eyes, "I'm not a child."

"You know, it seemed like you were back there." Zayn hums.

"Shut up," I mutter and open the package of shells as he starts driving.

*

I have one blunt rolled by the time we get to Zayn's apartment. We parked next to my car down in the garage and I hand Zayn the blunt as we step out the car and he sticks it behind his ear. We walk up to the elevator and head up to Zayn's floor.

Once we're in front of Zayn's door, he unlocks it, holding it open for me. We take our shoes off at the door.

"Balcony?" Zayn raises his eyebrow at me.

I nod. "Sure."

We go to the balcony, sitting on the chairs out there and closing the sliding door behind us.

It was dark out, a little breezy but I had a hoodie on so I wasn't bothered. Zayn also has a hoodie on and he pulls the hood over his hair, settling back against the chair.

"I'm impressed by your skills," Zayn says as he looks at the blunt.

"Thanks for believing in me," I say dryly.

Zayn grins as he pulls out a lighter and starts lighting up the blunt.

We smoke the entire blunt together, and it felt oddly intimate. I've smoked with people before but I've never felt this way before, usually I'm too distracted by the feeling of the drug. I don't know why it felt so... _close_ to be smoking with Zayn but I couldn't keep myself from staring—maybe the weed had something to do with why I didn't want to look away—at how the smoke curled out from his mouth and swirled around his head before the wind blew it away.

Zayn seemed to be watching me too because whenever he'd pass it to me, I'd see him looking at me. He was more subtle about it than I was, but I still noticed it.

After that we stay outside for a little, then head back inside. I go to the bathroom while Zayn says he'll gather something for us to eat.

I pee, wash my hands and head back to the living room. Zayn was rummaging around the kitchen so I go there and lean against the island.

"What're you gonna make?" I ask and my voice is more slower than it usually is.

"What do you want?" He grins at me. "There's a bunch of junk food Niall always has me buy in the storage closet."

I nod, "sounds good."

"Alright. Grab something to drink and I'll get some stuff from the closet."

I grab two Gatorades and go to the living room where the show Zayn and I were watching earlier this afternoon was still paused on the TV. I throw myself onto the couch and hear crinkling coming from down the hall.

Zayn emerges with an arm full of snacks and I laugh.

"Didn't know what you preferred," he says.

I still laugh. "I'll eat whatever." I grab some bags from him and put them on the coffee table.

Zayn sits next to me, his elbow knocking with mine.

*

Zayn and I hang in the living room for awhile, talking every now and then but mainly focusing on the show. It was nice, very comforting.

Apparently I had dozed off because I feel a hand on my shoulder, slightly shaking me.

I open my eyes and see Zayn, a small smile on his face. He looked nice.

"Hey, wanna call it? You look tired." Zayn says, his hand warm on my shoulder.

I blink. "Yeah, alright."

Zayn leads me to his room. "There's a pack of unopened toothbrushes in the cabinet in the bathroom. Clean towels and all that stuff. Let me know if you need anything else."

I nod. "Thanks," and I sounded real tired—felt like it too.

"Okay. Good night." Zayn says at the bedroom door.

"Night." I give him a small smile before he fully returns it and closes the door.

I rid myself of my jeans and climb into the bed, under the duvet. My muscles relax and I sink into the mattress, falling asleep almost instantly.


	21. 0.21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few hours late, but here it is ! Enjoy !

The next morning I'm a bit more aware of where I am than I was last time I woke up in Zayn's bed.

Usually I sleep in on Sunday's but I could hear Zayn in the kitchen, probably making breakfast and my stomach starts rumbling.

I check my phone before I leave the room though.

I had a few texts.

 **Karen:** where you at? stopped by your house yesterday and no one answered my buzzing

I reply to her.

 **Harry:** at Zayn's

Then I click on Isak's text.

 **Isak:** Hey, good news! Nate is coming back to school Monday.

I frown and reply.

 **Harry:** how is his sister?

 **Isak:** She's being released from the hospital today. He says things are good for now.

 **Harry:** glad to hear that. I need to see him soon

 **Isak:** He knows. He says he wants to see you as well.

 **Harry:** really?

 **Isak:** Yes. Says he needs to see you soon.

 **Harry:** okay.

 **Harry:** do you think I should text him

 **Isak:** Sure. If you want.

 **Harry:** I will later

 **Isak:** Alright

 **Harry:** thanks for letting me know

 **Isak:** No problem, Harold.

I drop my head onto the pillow, some of the pressure leaving my chest. I exhale and get out of the bed, pulling my jeans on and slipping my phone into the pocket before walking out. I head to the bathroom first because I know I look like absolute shit.

After brushing my teeth and taking care of my business, I walk to the kitchen.

Zayn is making coffee, wearing black shorts and and a simple T-shirt. He sees me approaching.

"Morning." He grins.

I sit up on the counter. "Morning,"

I observe him and see that he's cooking multiple things on the stove.

"How'd you sleep?" Zayn asks, brushing his floppy hair off to the side.

"Your bed is very comfortable. I don't know if I told you that last time." I say, absentmindedly playing with the thin red bracelet on my wrist.

I don't see Zayn's face but I can tell he's smiling.

"Thanks," he chuckles. "Hungry?"

I glance at the breakfast he's making. "Yes, starving."

Zayn turns over some sausages, then turns to face me. His eyes drift up my body and then he smiles. "After this we can go to your house and you can get some clothes," he says.

I look down and the thought hadn't even dawned on me. Of course I need clothes.

"Right." I nod.

Zayn smirks, "or you could borrow some of mine."

He was teasing so I glare at him.

"I'm pretty sure my thighs wouldn't fit in your jeans," I remark.

Zayn's eyes briefly flash to my thighs before he laughs and nods. "And Niall is worse than I am. We'll go in a few."

*

Apparently Zayn made a 'traditional full English' which consisted of eggs, bacon, sausage, toast with butter, baked beans and fried tomatoes. He was surprised when I had no idea what 'full English' meant.

"You've never had a full English breakfast before?" He seemed amazed at my knowledge or therefore lack of.

"No. I've always had cooks make my food for me, and they usually weren't British." I say and bite into the sausage. It was really good.

"I genuinely feel bad for you! Look at all the food your missing out on!" He groans, a full grin on his face.

I roll my eyes. "I've eaten these foods before, asshole."

"But you've never had a _proper_ English spread before, it's pitiful." He tsked.

"I'm having it now, so shut up about it."

*

After breakfast we go over to my house and I drive my car—my dads car, really—while Zayn drives behind me. I wanted to put it back before my luck goes away and something bad happened to it. Plus, Zayn was going to be driving me around anyway.

Zayn had made a comment about the car, saying how beautiful it was and I almost had to peel him away from the car before his drool filled it up. Men always loved cars, which was a stereotype but a true one.

I enter the code in the gate and drive in, Zayn driving in behind me. He speeds up in front of me, sticking his head out the window.

"You drive like an old lady!" He laughs and parks on the driveway.

I flip him off as I pass him and drive the car into the garage. I keep the car keys in my hand as I exit the garage and meet Zayn at the front doors of the house.

"You drive a car that amazing and drive like _that_? It's a shame," he sighs.

I shove him with my elbow. "It's not my car so I was being careful, fucker."

Zayn softly laughs.

I unlock the door and step in. "You can do whatever while I get some clothes."

I head to my dads office first, unlocking the door with the set of keys I have and walk towards his desk where he keeps all the car keys. I put the car keys in there and lock the door afterwards, shoving the other set of keys in my pocket.

Then I go to my room and gather some clothes and shove those into a empty backpack I have. I take my school bag with me as well and go downstairs.

Zayn is admiring a painting on the wall. "Is that—"

"Yeah," I interrupt him because it is. "Only the best for mum."

Zayn turns around to look at me, noting the two backpacks I had with me. "Good to go?"

I nod and Zayn is taking the bags from me before I have time to say I can take them, because they aren't that heavy. But he gestures his head towards the front door and I follow, pausing the set up the alarm system. Zayn goes to the Jeep while I lock the doors.

Zayn places the bags in the back and goes to the drivers side, hopping in and starting the car. I do the same, putting on the seatbelt.

That's when I get a call from Karen.

"Hello," I greet her.

"I texted you like an hour ago and you still haven't replied, you fucking plum. Also, I learned what plum means and I'm offended." She babbles.

"I didn't see your text. And how did you do that?" I say, amused.

"Niall told me and he fucking laughed and said he can't imagine you using British lingo."

"Does he know that I am in fact British?" I quirk an eyebrow.

"Please," Karen scoffs. "You're the least British person I know! You're probably a disgrace to your country."

"You know I can't disagree with you there."

"So what are you doing with Zayn? Did you sleep over at his place?"

I glance at Zayn and he's driving normally, nodding his head to the music playing from the stereo. "Yeah," I say, trying not to talk about Zayn with Karen right in front of him.

"Are you with him now?" Karen catches on.

"Yeah," I say again.

Karen cackles, "that's brilliant."

"Not really," I mutter.

"Text me. I wanna hear this," she says and hangs up.

I furrow my brow and put my phone away, preparing for a big headache.

*

By the time I'm done filling Karen in on what's happening, we're back at Zayn's place.

We head up to his apartment, Zayn carrying one of my bags while I carried the other.

"I'm gonna take a shower," Zayn says, putting the bag on the couch.

"Alright," I say.

Zayn says something before he leaves but I'm more focused on the red hoodie draped over the couch. I pick it up and realize that it's mine. I forgot that I took it off last night after we came in from the balcony. I grab it along with the two bags and head towards Zayn's bedroom.

I put the bags on the floor and throw the hoodie on the bed. I quickly change clothes, putting on joggers and a regular black T-shirt, tugging the hoodie on and noting how it smells faintly of Zayn and weed.

I sit on the bed and pull out my phone. I turn it on and go to contacts, clicking on Nate's name but my thumb hovers over the call icon, then I decide to text him just in case he was in the middle of something.

 **Harry:** hey, you got a minute?

It takes him 10 minutes to reply and each minute that passes makes me even more anxious.

 **Nate:** yeah.

I wasn't expecting a text back so I'm surprised.

 **Harry:** how are you? I've been trying to call...

 **Nate:** fine I guess.

 **Nate:** and yeah, sorry about that. I've been meaning to talk to you about it.

 **Harry:** alright

 **Nate:** in person, though.

 **Harry:** definitely

 **Nate:** I'll see you tomorrow?

 **Harry:** yeah

 **Nate:** okay.

 **Harry:** how is your sister doing

 **Nate:** she's doing good now. being in the hospital helped a lot

 **Harry:** I'm glad to hear that

 **Nate:** yeah. the doctors say she's going to recover but it'll take time

 **Harry:** that's good nate

 **Nate:** anyway, I have to go. she's calling for me

 **Harry:** yeah course. I'll see you tomorrow


	22. 0.22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a nice little filler chapter. Also, I'm uploading a day early because I work tomorrow so I won't have time to upload. So enjoy ! Thanks for reading ! Xoxo

I had homework to do, not much but it would turn into a lot if I kept procrastinating like I've been doing for the past hour. I guess Zayn had work to do as well because when I pulled out my books and sat down at the coffee table, he moves to grab his laptop and psychology books.

We quietly study, the tapping of keys, flipping of pages and scribble of pencil the only sounds in the room. Also the occasional annoyed sigh coming from me as I push through old math homework.

30 minutes in, I look up for the first time and my eyebrows almost shoot off my forehead.

"You wear _glasses_?"

Zayn looks away from the laptop screen, slightly startled. "Yes? Didn't I mention it before?"

"Definitely not." I say, looking at the ombré rims.

"I only use it when I'm using the laptop. Other than that, I don't really need them."

"So you don't wear contacts?" I question.

"No," he shakes his head.

"Hm," I hum. "Interesting."

Zayn smiles, amused. "Is that all?"

I look back down at the scribbles on my math homework. "For now," I answer.

*

"Are you gonna keep making those noises?" Zayn asks an hour later, settled back on the couch. He seemed to be done with his school stuff and was just browsing the web now.

I scowl. "Shut up."

I moved onto the newest math homework I was given and it was irritating because it was so _stupid_. But I didn't even notice that I was voicing my displeasure out loud.

"Is that math?" Zayn asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Sadly," I mutter.

Zayn gets up, stretching before he's coming over to where I am and sits down. "Let's see here," he grabs the papers off the coffee table and looks at them.

I lean back against my palms. "Don't tell me you're a genius at mathematics too," I snort.

Zayn shrugs but there's a smug little smile on his face. "I understand it enough to help you out."

Zayn starts explaining the problem, sounding like my math teacher. I try to pay attention but it's so _boring_ —my hatred for the whole subject just makes me so irritable. I prop my chin up in my palm and just stare at Zayn instead of listening, waiting for him to realize that I'm not paying attention.

Zayn notices a minute later, stopping in the middle of his sentence when his eyes meet mine and he sees that I don't care for it. "You don't care, do you?"

I shake my head. "I'm over it."

"Then why'd you let me talk for 10 minutes?" He laughs.

"You seemed to be enjoying yourself," I shrug.

Zayn puts the pencil down and rolls his eyes. "Did you finish everything else?"

"Everything but this." I sigh.

Zayn grabs my shoulders and shakes me a bit. "Alright, we're gonna get through this. Grab your pencil and listen, okay?"

I scowl but comply.

It takes 35 minutes but we finish the math homework—it was only one page, but still. I want to fall on the floor, my back hurt and my fingers cramped.

"You know, you could've just sat on the couch?" Zayn points out, getting up from the floor.

I sigh, packing up the school shit and putting it away. "I needed a table."

Zayn stretches, a hand going up his shirt once he settles down. "I'll start on lunch. Or do you want to go to the diner?"

I shrug. "Doesn't matter."

Zayn rolls his eyes and heads to the kitchen. "I'll make sandwiches."

*

I fell asleep on the couch after eating some sandwiches and some left over crisps from last night.

I wake up 2 hours later, the sun halfway out of sight and Zayn next to me, typing on his laptop. It should've been weird, waking up only a few inches from Zayn but it wasn't. Maybe that alone should've freaked me out.

I lift my head up from the pillow and glance at Zayn, who looks back at me.

"Hello," he smiles, looking a little tired himself.

"Did I fall asleep on you?" I question even though it was obvious that I did.

Zayn shrugs. "For maybe two hours."

I rub my eyes with a closed fist and suppress a yawn. "Sorry. Didn't realize how tired I was."

"It's fine," he says and shuts the laptop. "Caught up on stuff."

"What kinda stuff?" I sit up from the curled up position I fell asleep in.

"Emails," he smiles,

I grin. "I always knew you were an old man."

Zayn rolls his eyes. "I was emailing my mum."

I raise an eyebrow. "Does she prefer email over regular texting?"

"She likes feeling more formal. She also says she feels texting is more for kids," he says and I don't miss the fond tone he speaks in as he talks about his mum.

"I guess she's right." I say. "What do you guys talks about?"

"We catch up. She emails everyday but I don't have that much time to reply so I do it all on weekends," he sounds a bit guilty for it but I was envious.

"You have a good relationship with your mum."

"I'm the oldest out of all her kids. Her only son, too." Zayn tells me, his fingertips tapping against the top of the laptop.

"How many sisters do you have?" I ask. We don't really talk much about family, it probably has to do with the fact that every time Zayn brings up my family I visibly cringe and change the subject.

"3. All younger than me," he says.

"They live in London with your mum?"

"Yeah. One is about to turn 18 soon and she wants to move to California," he rolls his eyes.

"California is nice," I say. I spent the summer in Malibu with my family, but that was a long time ago.

"I'd rather she stay in London." Zayn purses his lips, looking distressed.

"Why?"

Zayn looks down at his lap, dark eyelashes brushing the tops of his cheekbones. "It's selfish...but I don't want her leaving our mum. I already left her...I don't want her to have both her oldest kids gone."

"The other girls will be with her won't, they?" I question.

"Yes, but she didn't take it so well when I told her I was going to America. But she didn't stop me because she knew that was what I wanted to do. And I know she won't stop her if she wants to leave but I know it's hard on her. It's also very selfish of me to try to stop my sister from doing what she wants."

"Yes, that is very selfish," I say and Zayn's brows furrow. "But I understand where you're coming from. I also know that you need to get over it. Your mum raised you for years and I'm sure she felt sad when you left but that's what kids do. You grow up and leave the nest. It's normal and your mum probably understands that. So you can't really expect your sister to stay when you left to go do what you want."

Zayn smiles a bit. "You're right. Nice lecture."

I smile at him and shrug. "Owed you one."

"Well," he sighs, running his fingers through his dark hair before crossing his arms over his chest. "You guys would be good friends. She has a smart mouth, too."

I fake offense. "Hey. I don't have a smart mouth. I just speak my mind."

Zayn smirks. "Your best quality."

He was being sarcastic, I could tell.

"Asshole." I grab the pillow from behind me and throw it at him.


	23. 0.23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: sexual content (Nate and Harry). If you don't like them together, you can skip the end of the chapter.
> 
> Anyway, sorry for no update last week. I got a job so I've been super busy, haven't been able to write or do anything else really haha. But I'm updating on my off day (Sunday) which will mostly likely be when I regularly upload now. I will also upload another chapter on Wednesday to make up for last week. Thank you for sticking around ! Xoxo

The next morning I wake up to a nose full of Zayn's scent and morning wood—which had nothing to do with each other.

I wanted to rub off on the bed but that would've been really weird and Zayn could walk in at any moment. So I get up and go to the bathroom, taking a shower and dealing with the nuisance in there, ignoring the weird knot in my stomach.

Zayn had some nice shampoo and conditioner—the expensive kind, which was to be expected considering his head full of silky hair.

I'm done in the shower so I step out and dry my hair, wrapping the damp towel around my hips before exiting the bathroom. I don't run into Zayn, which I was thankful for because I still felt weird for jerking off in his shower and I'd rather he not see my still red face.

I dress quickly, putting on black jeans and a black shirt. I grab my phone from the table along with my school bag and the red hoodie that was currently on the floor. Then I head to the living room.

Zayn was there, a cigarette in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. "Good morning," he greets.

"Mornin'," I hum. I set the bag down and tug on the hoodie, not caring about how it messed up my hair.

"Coffee in the kitchen," he sucks on the cigarette and I notice how nicely slicked back his hair is.

I nod and go to the kitchen. Zayn had a Keurig and I usually used regular coffee pots to make coffee because the taste was better but I make myself a cup anyway and go back to the living room.

Zayn was halfway through the cigarette when I take it out of his hands and put it between my lips. I gave up on trying to have healthy lungs, it was too hard and really not worth it at all.

Zayn drinks his coffee, and gives me a look. "Those are bad for you."

"Literally everything is bad for you," I roll my eyes.

"True," he waits until I'm done taking a draw of the cigarette before he takes it from me, sticking it between his lips again. "But I'm not feeding your addiction."

I take a sip of the coffee, ignoring the triumphant look on his face. "I'm gonna be late if we don't leave," I mumble.

Zayn gets up then, finishing the rest of his cup and putting a hand out for mine. I take another drink before handing it to him. He heads to the kitchen while I grab my bag and go put my shoes on at the front door.

Zayn meets me at the door. "Let's go," he puts a hand on my shoulder and pushes me out the door.

I elbow him in the side. "I can walk."

Zayn doesn't respond, instead he drops his hand and locks the door while I walk towards the lift, but I catch the small smile on his face right before.

We go down to the parking garage, getting in the Jeep and driving towards my school.

I get a text from Nate a few minutes before we're at the school.

 **Nate:** meet me in the parking lot?

 **Harry:** sure. be there in a few

I'm glad he's reaching out. Maybe he wants to talk about everything without everyone around, which makes total sense.

"Have a nice day," Zayn says as we stop in the student parking lot of the school.

I return his grin. "You as well. See you later."

Zayn nods so I get out the car, dragging my school bag along with me. I see Nate a few yards away, leaning against the hood of his car.

Zayn drives away and I walk towards Nate, anxious.

When Nate sees me approaching, he moves from the hood and goes to the passengers side of his car, opening it.

I raise an eyebrow. "Are we leaving?" I ask once I'm near him.

"Yeah." He says and it's a relief to hear his voice again.

"Bad influence," I mutter as I get into the car and hear Nate laugh from behind me as he shuts the door.

We drive to Nate's, and I know exactly what he wants to do as soon as we enter his apartment.

I'm pushed against the door, moist lips on my own. Nate was needy, grabbing at my hips and tugging on my hoodie.

"I thought we were gonna talk?" I mumble against his lips. I'm not against this, fuck no, but I want a chance to clear the air and get rid of all this weird tension around us.

Nate pushes his hips against mine, a soft moan coming from his mouth. "We will," he invades my mouth with his tongue.

"When?" I ask, trying to pull away and look him in the eye, but Nate grabs my face in between his hands and kisses me harder.

Nate twists his fingers in my hair—which has grown back over the last month—and tilts my head to the left, kissing me deeper. "Later," he breathes into my mouth.

I don't try to stop him anymore since it was obvious he wasn't going to give up any time soon.

Our bodies were pressed together, Nate's mouth moving feverishly against mine. He was acting a bit odd, but I know how Nate could get when he had a one track mind and right now he was focused on sex and sex only.

I pull back from him, putting my palms on his chest so I could push him away. I ignore the look he gives me. "Let's go to your bed." I tell him. I'm turned on and being pressed against the door wasn't exactly comfortable.

Nate's lips were a dark pink as he licks them, grabbing my hand and pulling me towards his bedroom.

I was thrown on the bed in no time, Nate crawling on top of me. He moves to take off my hoodie, pulling off my shirt underneath as well. I put my hands on his hips as he leans down to place his lips against mine again. We kick our shoes off, a mess of legs getting tangled together.

"Why do you smell like that?" Nate murmurs, hips rolling against mine.

"Like what?" I ask, gripping his hips as he grinds down on me.

"Vanilla," he huffs out, moving his lips down to my jaw.

I have no idea what he's talking about so I close my eyes and work on controlling my breathing. But Nate stops and I open my eyes to see him quirking an eyebrow up at me. "What?" I ask.

"Who was that guy this morning?" Nate asks.

I blink, confused for a second. "Oh. Zayn," I say once I understand.

"Zayn?" Nate repeats, like he's never heard the name before—which he probably never has.

"A friend," I hurry out. "Why'd you stop?"

Nate seems to be thinking for a second before he smirks and reattaches his lips to my neck, sucking and kissing. "He smells like vanilla?"

It takes me a second to realize we're still on the subject. "Maybe. I dunno," I sigh.

Nate kisses up my jaw, kisses my cheek and then places his lips on top of mine and I open my mouth for him. "Nice smell," he murmurs.

I grab his hips and flip us over. "Shut up already." I roll my eyes.

Nate lays under me, still fully clothed. He smiles, looking a bit out of it. It dawned on me then that he was high. "Sorry," he grips the waistband of my jeans.

"How many lines did you do?" I ask him, taking off his shirt and glancing down at his naked torso, his hipbones jutting out in a way I liked too much.

"None," he says, laughing.

"Liar."

"Maybe one," he grins up at me. "Or two."

"Have any more?" I reach down to undo his jeans.

"No. I'm getting some soon though. Tomorrow, maybe." Nate says, looking down at my hands as I work his jeans off.

"Don't get addicted," I tease.

"Too late," he pulls me in, pressing our lips together. I kiss him for a few seconds before pulling away and taking the rest of his jeans off, throwing them on the floor. I back up off the bed and take the rest of my clothes off, watching Nate watch me. "You're so hot," he says quietly and I smile at him. I grab a condom and some lube out of the bedside table and return to the bed. Nate's hand wraps around my cock, our lips meeting again.

I throw the condom and lube onto the bed and snake one of my hands down Nate's boxers, the head of his cock already wet with pre-cum. I take off his boxers with my other hand, clumsily since neither of us wanted to let go of each other.

Nate moans into my mouth, making me thrust into his palm. "Fuck me," he mumbles into my mouth.

I pull back and look at him, seeing a desperate look in his eyes that I've never seen before. I reattach our lips and mumble back an 'okay'.

*

"So are we just not going to go to school today?" I ask as Nate stretches out next to me, a blissed out look on his face.

"I thought that was obvious," he mutters. Nate looks at me, his sandy hair a mess and his eyes tired as he crawls closer to me, kissing me.

I indulge him for a second, letting his tongue rub against mine. I pull back and raise an eyebrow at him. "I didn't know that was the plan."

Nate thumbs my bottom lip, looking like he wanted to fuck again. I put a hand on his shoulder and shake him a little. "I don't wanna go today. Will you stay with me?"

I look at him, and come to the conclusion that leaving him wouldn't be the smartest thing to do right now. "Yes," I sigh out.


	24. 0.24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little late, but here it is.
> 
> Also, Happy New Year ! (nine days later, lol)  
> Xoxo

I had a meeting with Meredith today. It was one of the regular check-ins that she does but I wouldn't be there to check in today.

The last time I talked to her was a week ago when she told me my mum had rescheduled our meeting. The meeting the three of us were supposed to have about a week ago.

It didn't surprise me, but I was still angry. I felt annoyed and stupid that I almost put trust in her, trusted that she would show up because _God forbid_ she gives a fuck about her own _son_. But she proved me right and bailed once again.

"Why do you look so upset?" Nate asks, his hand coming up to cover my face.

I pull his hand back. "I don't." I roll my eyes.

Nate kisses my shoulder, ignoring the look I give him. "You always do that," he says.

I roll over onto my stomach, sighing as my back bones satisfyingly pop. "I don't do anything, Nate."

Nate rests his head on his palm, his eyes burning into mine. "You never tell me what you're thinking. Even though I always ask."

I shrug. "Because I'm not thinking about anything out of the ordinary. It shouldn't concern you."

Nate is quiet for awhile, just staring at me as I try to look as confident as I could. "Can you understand why I didn't want to talk to you when everything with my sister was happening?"

Now I'm quiet for awhile, processing what he said. And yeah, I can understand from that point of view.

"But you talked to Isak. You told him everything," I murmur.

Nate leans down, on his stomach as well. "You tell Karen everything."

I furrow my brows. I can see the truth in that. "Not everything." I mumble but it was true. I tell Karen almost everything that happens to me.

"So you understand?" he asks, eyes connected with mine.

I lean up and press my lips to his. "Yeah," I say with my mouth on his.

*

We spend the next few hours sleeping, waking up briefly when Nate's roommate enters the apartment and then going back to sleep when he leaves shortly after.

"So what is he like?" Nate asks an hour after we wake up, looking up at me with a third of my cock in his mouth.

I furrow my brows. "What?"

Nate pulls away, licking his lips. "Zayn. He looks older than us."

I throw my head back, heaving a long sigh. "Are we really talking about this while you're sucking me off?"

Nate places a soft kiss to the tip of my cock, only putting me on edge further more. "Why not? Doesn't take much to suck dick, might as well have a conversation as well."

My breath hitches when I feel his tongue run alongside my shaft. "Any other subject I would be okay with," I say, closing my eyes, quickly opening them again after I see Zayn's face behind my eyelids. God dammit.

"Why? Because you like him?" Nate ask, taking my head into his mouth.

"I don't like him like that," I groan out, reaching down to twist my fingers in his hair, hoping it’ll shut him up.

Annoyingly, he pulls away again. "You do, though. I haven't talked to the guy before but I can tell you like him."

I let go of his hair and wrap a hand around my cock, jerking myself off for a second before Nate grabs my hand and pushes it away, replacing it with his mouth.

"Stop talking," I say, working hard to keep my hips still when he finally starts sucking. "Talking about him doesn't help."

Nate is quiet for awhile but comes up for air, keeping his hold tight on my cock, slowly moving his hand up and down. "I'm positive he likes you, too. It's kind of hard not to," he says and his voice sounds wrecked, sore.

"I don't know what the even means," I sigh, looking down at him.

Nate looks up at me, a smirk adorned his lips. "Yes, you do."

I put my head back on the pillow, wiggling my hips. "Are you gonna suck my cock or am I gonna have to finish this on my own?"

Nate laughs, moving his mouth back onto my dick, sucking and licking. "You know I'm right though," he adds in one last time because he's an asshole.

*

"You want me to drop you off at your house?" Nate asks as we buckle our seatbelts and he starts the car.

"No. Just drop me off at school," I pull my phone out and see missed texts from Karen and Isak.

"Is Zayn taking you home?" Nate says and I don't have to look up from my phone to know that he's smirking.

"Don't start that agin." I warn and open Karen's text.

 **Karen:** too busy suckin dicks with Zayn to come to school?

I reply to her, rolling my eyes.

 **Harry:** I wasn't suckin dicks. and I'm not with Zayn

Then I open Isak's.

 **Isak:** Where is my lab partner?

 **Harry:** skipped school to catch up with Nate. I'll see you tomorrow tho

I put my phone in my pocket then, looking out the window. It was supposed to rain tonight but you wouldn't be able to tell by the sunny sky and white, puffy clouds.

We're at school 20 minutes before the bell rings so we wait out the remaining time in the parking lot, Nate showing me pictures of his sister on his phone, pointing out how much better she looks recently. After that we talk about other things, mostly school and the stuff he's missed in our science class. Isak has been fortunate enough to help Nate catch up.

Our time ends when I see Zayn's car pull into the parking lot 2 minutes before the last bell of the day is set to ring. I get out the car, saying goodbye to Nate. But I don't notice him getting out as well until he's crossed over to the passengers side and is pulling me in.

I look at him. "What are you doing?"

"About to kiss you," he says like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Why?" I furrow my brows. I’ve only recently opened up to us kissing, but even then we only do it during sex so this was a bit odd.

But he doesn't answer, instead he grabs my face and presses our lips together. I realize a little too late that he's doing this to get a reaction from Zayn, noticing Nate looking behind me as he locks lips with me.

"You're an idiot," I pull away with a scowl.

Nate grins. "A smart idiot, though." He leans in again to kiss me but I draw my head back, pinching his side.

"Zayn isn't the type to get jealous." I tell him. "Also, I already know he likes me. This literally is doing nothing to change things."

"That's what you think," Nate says, a mischievous twinkle in his eye. He leans in and gives me a quick kiss, one I can’t move fast enough to dodge. "See you tomorrow, Harry." Then he steps away and hops back into his car.

The bell rings and students fill the parking lot in a matter of seconds. I watch Nate peel away, taking a deep breath before I turn around and walk to Zayn's Jeep.

My cheeks immediately heat up when I catch Zayn's eyes. Of course he saw us, we were the only ones in the fucking parking lot, also Nate made sure we were right in his view. I purse my lips and open the passenger side door once I'm near it.

I avoid his eyes, putting my bag onto the floor and buckling the seatbelt. But Zayn is smirking, eager to meet my eyes so he can say some smartass comment.

I shut my eyes for a fraction of a second, sighing. "What?"

"Skipped school, eh?"

I groan, ignoring the comment. "Just drive."

"You know, I get it. You gotta get you some—but it's hard to it keep in when you look so embarrassed." Zayn laughs.

I feel my cheeks burn up again and drop my head into my hands. "You're the worst."

"I could've said way more provocative things, Harry." Zayn chuckles. "Consider yourself lucky."

"I feel so lucky." I say dryly.

*

Zayn and I are at the diner, his blonde friend Barbara takes our order and brings it out 20 minutes later, apologizing for the long wait and pointing out how busy the diner was this afternoon.

"How do you not put on weight if this is how you eat?" I question Zayn, watching as he takes a bite from his cheeseburger.

Zayn makes a face, chewing and swallowing before he answers me. "Fast metabolism."

I snort and stuff down a few fries. "I'll probably gain 10 pounds by the end of the week."

"I'll steam up from broccoli when we get back to my place if that'll make you happy," he teases.

I roll my eyes at him, squinting when he kicks my foot under the table. "Don't be a child, Zayn."

"It was an accident," he laughs, scooting up in his seat so he's sitting up straighter.

I clear my throat, wiping my fingers on the napkin before running them through my hair. "When are Louis and Niall getting back into town?"

"Friday night," he answers. Zayn runs his hand over his neatly trimmed beard, licking his lips. "When do your parents get home?"

"Friday morning. Maybe." I shrug. "Depends on if they plan on making stops on the way back."

Zayn looks down at the table, brows furrowing. "I don't get how that doesn't upset you."

I purse my lips. "I'm not a little kid. I don't need them home everyday."

Zayn takes my affronted tone in consideration and sighs. "Guess so."


	25. 0.25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: sexual content.

"You're becoming a wild card, Harold." Karen says once she sees me, pulling me into a hug.

I pat her back, smiling a bit. "I've always been the wild card in our relationship, though."

Karen pulls back and sighs, an amused grin on her face. "True."

I notice her blonde hair is shorter. "You cut your hair?"

"Yup. Nice, right? Had to fight my mom on it. She absolutely wouldn't let me cut it. I told her I'm not gonna be fucking _Rapunzel_ , you know? It's hard to maintain this shit," she babbles at a hundred miles per hour, brushing her fingers through her silky hair that now rested just above her shoulders.

"I like it." I tell her. "Suits you."

Karen gives me a grin, then her eyes drift to my neck. "Zayn or Nate?"

I'm confused. "What?"

She pokes my neck with one of her manicured fingers, making a kissy face. "Hickey," she points out.

I slap her hand away, glaring. "Shut up."

"Where is Nate anyway? Isak mentioned him coming back this week." Karen tilts her head to the side, questioningly.

"Don't know." I run my hand through my hair. I used some of Zayn's hair stuff this morning after he berated me, telling me to go back in the bathroom and fix my hair. I did so begrudgingly. It smelled like vanilla which reminded me of what Nate said yesterday.

"So," Karen starts and I listen, her eyebrows coming up in an excited way. "I'm throwing a party this weekend."

"Why?" I furrow my brows.

"Because it's been months since I've thrown one," she rolls her eyes at me.

It's been 3 months, I think since she last threw a party. The party were I first met Zayn—even though I don't remember much of it.

"Do I have to go?" I ask.

Karen gives me an unimpressed look. "Hearing the word party makes your dick hard."

I grimace. That wasn't true. "Don't be gross."

"Fuck off, you disgusting shit." Karen sounds baffled. "Do I need to remind you on what I walked in on a few months ago? You and two other guys in the middle of—"

"Alright," I cut her off, my cheeks heating up. "Shut the fuck up. Jesus."

Karen looks satisfied. "Invite Zayn. Since apparently you guys are married now."

I scowl. "We're not married."

"Right. You only live together."

"That isn't true either." I roll my eyes.

"Do me a favor?" She says and doesn't wait for me to reply. "Let me be the first to know when you guys finally fuck?"

*

Isak is at our table in biology, typing away on his phone. Nate isn't there yet.

Isak grins when I approach the table and sit down. "You've finally decided to bless me with your presence?"

"Yes. Now you can stop crying." I smile and start to pull out stuff I need for the class.

Isak chuckles, putting away his phone and doing the same. But then I feel him poking my neck. "Catching up, huh?" he says and he's laughing.

I frown. "I swear, you and Karen are the same fucking person."

"Speak of the devil." Isak says, hushed.

Nate enters the class just as the late bell rings. He looks over to our table, winking at us before he sits down at his own table at the front of the class.

Isak laughs but I roll my eyes. He was high again, I knew it. I don't know if it was as obvious to Isak as it was to me but Nate's behavior drastically changes when he's high and it stands out like a sore thumb to me.

Since we had one science class for all 4 years of high school, we were changing the subject in class today. It was no longer biology, but physics now.

So Mr. Barns goes over the curriculum, telling us what to expect this year and all that.

I ask to go to the bathroom in the middle of Mr Barns reading out the expectations for the class. I wasn't going to sit through first day of school shit again.

The hallways are empty except for the occasional teacher doing rounds, surveying the hallways to make sure kids weren't wandering around instead of being in class. Some of the teachers recognize me and don't say anything, but they watch me walk.

I reach the bathroom and take a piss, washing my hands afterwards. I was craving a cigarette, my nerves on end for some reason.

In the middle of washing my hands I hear someone else walk into the bathroom and glance up, expecting to see some random kid but I lock eyes with Nate.

I raise an eyebrow when he comes up to me instead of going to one of the urinals. His intentions become clear when he presses against my back, gripping my hips.

"Are you okay?" I ask, rinsing the rest of the soap off my hands and reaching for some paper towels. I turn around to throw the paper towels away after drying my hands, Nate's hands staying firmly locked on my hips. "Nate?"

"Stalls," he says quickly before pressing his lips to mine, straight to tongue.

I wasn't _stupid_. I was aware that we're at school,  also totally aware of how downhill it could get if someone were to walk in on us right now. So I pull away, keeping my hands on Nate's shoulders to still him.

"We're at school," I tell him in case he forgot. "After school. I'll come over but not here, okay?"

Nate frowns, his hands moving to palm me. "It'll be quick."

My breath hitches when he squeezes, moving to press his body closer to mine, shrugging off my hands that we're doing a terrible job of restraining him.

"It's too, risky." I mutter out, but Nate was already pulling us into a stall, a wicked smile on his face.

"I'll be quiet, promise." Nate says as he closes the stall door and locks it, pressing me against it afterwards. "Want some courage?"

I want to ask him what but he pulls out a small baggies of white powder. I grab it from him. "I told you not to get addicted."

"And I told you it was too late." Nate smiles, taking the bag from me and opening it, sprinkling a small amount onto the back of his hand and offering it to me.

I can't resist it so I lean in, snorting it off his hand, immediately feeling the effects. "No more," I say though and take the bag from him, stuffing it into his back pocket. I didn't want to be coked out of my mind at school, out of all places.

Nate lunges forward, kissing me. I open my mouth and take in his tongue, my hands moving to unbutton his jeans. Nate stops me from pulling his jeans all the way off, pulling a crinkly packet from his pocket and stuffing it into mine.

"No lube," he says but he doesn't really sound too disappointed by it. He's on his knees the next second, looking up at me as he pulls my pants and underwear off. A surge of pleasure runs through me as he takes me into his mouth, keeping eye contact.

I throw my head back against the stall door, the eye contact proving to be too much for me to handle at the moment. But I twist my fingers in Nate's hair and bite down on my bottom lip to keep quiet, the obscene sucking noises Nate was making surely wasn't helping us stay undetected.

Nate pulls my jeans all the way down to my ankles, pressing open-mouthed kisses to my thighs and hipbones.

"Fuck," I breathe out and tug on his hair. "Come up here."

Nate was maybe an inch shorter than me, so he leans up to capture my lips in a kiss, his mouth wet and warm.

I step forward, a bit difficult to do with my jeans around my ankles but I manage to press Nate against the door. I wanted to take his shirt off, but that'd just add on to the mess of things that would need to be taken care of after all this is over. So I opt for pushing his shirt up, pressing my lips against his bare skin.

Nate seems to have forgotten to keep quiet, so his loud moan startles me and I look up at him.

"Sorry," he breathes out, a small smile on his face.

I shake my head and continue, sucking hard kisses into his hipbone. I pull off his jeans and underwear, grabbing hold of his cock and jerking him off, still placing kisses on his skin.

Nate's hand finds its way on top of my head, tugging on my curls, and he thrusts forward, breath picking up.

I jerk him off for a few more seconds before standing up. "Turn around." I tell him while I reach down to get out the condom Nate had put in my pocket.

Nate turns around and rests his head against the stall, his bottom lip sucked into his mouth. He looked good like this, cheeks pink and brows furrowed in anticipation even though he's had my cock up his ass quite a number of times before. It was flattering.

I stand behind him and roll the condom on, cock in hand, pressing against the line of his ass. "Ready?" I ask and remind myself to go slow since he had no prep and the lube on the condom was the only thing making this somewhat easier.

Nate nods. "Yeah," he says so quietly I almost don't hear him.

I put a hand on one of his cheeks, spreading them apart so I could slowly push in. It's tight and Nate tenses up, a small noise coming from the back of his throat. I pause for a second, letting out a gust of air. It felt good, but I don't move until Nate relaxes. I grip his hip with one hand and guide my cock with the other.

"Are you okay?" I ask, looking at him.

Nate nods again, his eyes closed as half his face is smushed against the stall door. I don't focus on how completely unsanitary that was.

I look back down, pushing in some more, listening for signs in Nate's breathing that'll make me stop. There are none so I continue, pushing all the way in until I bottomed out, my hips flush against his ass.

I groan, leaning forward and putting my head on Nate's shoulder. "Good?" I breathe onto his skin.

Nate moans softly, pushing back against me. I take that as a cue to move. I pull back, snapping my hips forward, listening to the sounds Nate tries to hold back. Nate looks back at me, his nose hitting my top lip. I capture his lips with mine, thrusting into him and muffling the moans that were leaving his mouth.

I wrap an arm all the way around his waist, moving my hips more quickly. I breathe heavily into Nate's mouth, my chest flush against his back.

"Fuck," Nate groans, reaching down to wrap a hand around himself.

"Sh," I say into his shoulder, refraining from making any noises myself by biting down as I move faster in and out of him.

It was risky, fucking in the school bathroom where anyone can walk in and definitely see but it was hot, it made my skin tingle and my breath come out in stutters.

"Faster," Nate mumbles out, his head bent forward and a hand on the wall so he can stabilize himself.

I peel away from his back, grabbing both his hips and do as he says and fuck him harder. My vision blurs a bit and I feel dizzy but I keep going, the feeling too good for me to stop.

Nate lets out a strangled moan, whimpering when I grip his hips harder. "Shit, Harry. Fuck..."

I get a good rhythm going, too caught up in the feeling to care about how long we were in the bathroom. But Nate had other plans as he jerked himself off, panting against the door.

I let go of his hips and reach around to move his hand away from his cock, wrapping my hand around him and flicking my wrist along with the rhythm of my hips.

Nate looks back again, holding eye contact with me. "Kiss me," he croaks out. I lurch forward and kiss him, sloppy and wet.

I breathe into his mouth when he squeezes around me. "I'm close," I say into his mouth. Nate puts his tongue back in my mouth, the slide of it against mine obscene.

I know Nate is about to come when his breath stutters and he tenses up for a second, moaning into my mouth as hot come splatters onto my fist. I groan, jerking him off until he's done. I come soon after, sinking my teeth into his neck and containing my moan in his skin.

Nate sighs, his forehead bumping against the stall and making a small thud. I keep my arm around his waist as I pull out of him, discarding the condom into the toilet and flushing it.

"You feel okay?" I ask Nate, not sure if I should let him go since he was leaning against the door with his eyes closed.

"Yes," it takes him awhile to answer and I still don't let go.

"If I let go of you will you fall?"

"Will you fall?" he mumbles out, some words mushing together. I laugh and step back slowly, taking my hands off him. He doesn't fall, but he doesn't move either.

I clean my hand off with some toilet paper and reach down to pull my pants back up, buttoning it up. "Come on. We gotta get out of here before it gets too suspicious."

I'm sure it was already suspicious enough anyway.

Nate sighs and opens his eyes. He looks at me, a playful look on his face. "Aren't you glad I cornered you in here?"

I roll my eyes and turn him around, steadying him against the door before pulling his pants up for him and buttoning it up. "Sure," I mumble.

Nate watches me for a second, a small smile on his face. "I don't remember you being this nice ever. What happened to you?"

I quirk up an eyebrow. "Nothing happened."

Nate leans forward, grabbing my shirt and scrunching it up in his hands as he pulls me in. He attaches our lips, kissing me slowly. I lean into the kiss, cupping his cheeks briefly before pulling back.

"We gotta go." I tell him, catching his tired eyes.

"Alright." Nate says and lets go of my shirt. I step back so he can open the door and we walk out.

The bell rings then, signaling that first period just ended. I throw Nate a look and go to the sink to wash the drying cum off my hands.

Nate grins at me in the mirror and kisses my cheek. "See you." Then he leaves, leaving me alone in the bathroom.


	26. 0.26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s a chapter I really liked writing since it’s a lot different from the previous chapters. Also, I’ve been getting some comments from you guys expressing your dislike of Nate. I wanted to let you guys know—everyone complaining and everyone not complaining—Nate is an important part of this story and the progress of it. I’m sorry if you don’t like it but that’s how it goes. A story needs different characters and personalities in order to be somewhat interesting and guess what? I love Nate and his personality so I’m going to write about him. But I am listening to your comments, don’t think I’m not, so I’m not going to be writing any more SMUT including Nate and Harry from this moment until the story is over. But don’t expect Nate to vanish all of a sudden, he’s a big part of this story, just as big as Harry or Zayn.
> 
> Anyway, I still appreciate your criticism because it honestly helps me consider different things and who knows, it may make the story better. So don’t feel bad about letting me know when something is particularly iffy. Thanks !!!
> 
> Enjoy xoxo.

"Tell me what you like about him."

I throw Liam a scowl. "I don't need you breaking my balls about this, too, Liam."

Liam laughs, sets the weights down and wipes the sweat off his forehead. "I'm curious. I'm not trying to be a dick about it."

I know that. Liam was different from Louis in that way. He didn't tease me all the time like Louis did. I know Louis doesn't tease me with the purpose of being impudent but it still annoyed me sometimes. I know he finds it dumb that I have feelings for Harry and that the feelings aren't reciprocated. Liam on the other hand always asks me about Harry, but never mockingly like Louis.

"I know." I give him an apologetic smile and move onto the legs side of the gym.

Liam follows. "He's nice though. Funny, too. I can see why you're so smitten with him."

I shake my head at the word, a stupid smile on my face. "I don't know. He's...he likes to think he's a hard-ass but he really isn't. He's always putting on an act, trying to come off as cold but he's soft, he's cares about people even though he pretends that he doesn't."

"He cares about you." Liam says it like it's a fact.

I shrug. "I don't know about that."

I can't read Harry when it comes to us. I can't tell if he actually sees me as a friend or something more or something less than a friend. I always have trouble trying to guess what he's thinking when we're together.

"He does." Liam almost sounds convincing. "I feel like Harry isn't the type to hang out with someone he doesn't like. He's bloody staying at your place for a week!"

"I offered that though." I bite the inside of my cheek.

"Don't be an idiot." Liam snorts. "He likes you, he probably just doesn't realize it yet."

*

It's 2 o'clock when I get back home and I take a quick shower before driving to the school.

I'm a few minutes late and arrive to see Harry sitting in the almost empty parking lot on a tree stump with a cigarette dangling from his lips. I was pretty sure it was against school policy to smoke on school grounds but Harry didn't seem concerned by it.

He gets up when he sees my car, dragging his backpack with him, brows furrowed. I found it almost funny at how he looked like he hates the world and he’d burn anyone with just his glare.

Harry reaches the car and I give him a sheepish smile. "I was gonna start hitchhiking," he says but doesn't sound upset.

"Sorry," I say and watch him buckle in the seatbelt. "I left the gym later than I should've."

Harry looks at my wet hair then smiles, taking the cigarette out of his mouth. "It's fine. And you go to the gym?"

I start driving back to my place. "I go with Liam. He goes everyday but I try to go once a week. It's a bit grueling to keep up with him."

Harry nod. "Yeah, he's jacked." He leans forward to fiddle with the radio, settling on some random pop song.

I look at the cigarette he returns to his lips. "Where'd you get that?"

"I had to steal it off Karen since you don't give me any." Harry throws a pointed look my way after blowing the smoke out from his mouth, lips forming into a smug smile afterwards.

"How was school?" I ask, changing the subject and trying to focus on the road.

"Normal? I don't know. Boring," he says. "What'd you do?"

"I cleaned around the apartment. Did some work and spent the rest of the day with Liam." I answer, quickly glancing at Harry and I see that he looks like he wants to laugh.

"You're such an old man. _Cleaned_? Go get drunk," he chuckles and I roll my eyes.

"If I got drunk who would pick you up?"

"I'd find a ride to your place," he says.

I snort. "I'm an adult, Styles. I don't get to just drink all day."

Harry hums. "I feel like you're adulting wrong."

“You should teach me when you get there in a few years.” I smirk.

Harry gives me a blank look. “Hilarious, Zayn.”

*

Harry announces he's going to shower once we get to my place, taking off into my room and then coming back out to go into the bathroom.

I go to the kitchen to make Harry something to eat, simply just so I could take my mind off of him.

After that I scroll through twitter, only lasting a few minutes before I close the app. Twitter was always a shitstorm of politics and stupid shit I didn't care about.

I get a text from Liam though so I reply to him.

 **Liam:** you got any guac?

 **Zayn:** Yes. Why?

 **Liam:** ed, chris and I are hanging out at louis'

 **Liam:** come over. bring the guac and your boy

 **Zayn:** isn't Chris supposed to be out of town?

 **Zayn:** And he is not my boy.

 **Liam:** he wrapped early

 **Liam:** and yes he is

 **Liam:** also bring some napkins pls

I read the text and then put away my phone when I hear Harry coming back, his curls damp and cheeks a rosey color.

Harry reaches for the plate with his sandwich and sits up on the counter. "What's up?"

"Liam wants us to come over." I tell him.

"Us?" he raises an eyebrow.

"Why do you sound surprised?"

"Liam wants me to come as well?" he asks.

"Yeah?" I give him a weird look.

Harry shrugs and takes a bite of the sandwich. "Alright."

I guess we were moving past that. "Or do you not want to? We can stay if you have things to do."

"I have absolutely nothing to do but hang out with you. And I'm growing a little tired of you," he smirks.

I roll my eyes. "Okay. Finish the sandwich and then we'll go."

"Alright, mum."

I slap his calf before heading to the living room. I put on the hoodie that I threw on the couch a little while ago and then return to the kitchen. Harry scowls at me and I smile in return.

I take out the guacamole I bought yesterday afternoon and take out a new roll of napkins, putting the items in a plastic bag before walking towards Harry where I left my phone.

Harry was done eating so he puts the plate in the sink and leaves, returning shortly with a jacket. It was a little cold out.

We leave after I make sure to grab the plastic bag.

*

We arrive at Louis' in 10 minutes. Harry finishes off the last of the cigarette he stole from me, giving me a triumphant smile as we walk towards the front door.

"Be on your best behavior, alright?" I pat the top of his head, a grin on my face when his expression contorts into one of annoyance.

Harry slaps my hand away. "Says the old man," he snorts.

"Just try not to embarrass me." I tell him as I unlock the door.

Harry mumbles something behind me, making me laugh when he shoves me inside. "You're the most annoying person ever, Zayn. I hope you know that."

I throw my arm around Harry's shoulder and lead him to the living room where I can hear faint music and talking. "I feel like that's not how you actually feel, Harry."

Harry pinches my side, making me retract my arm. " _So_ annoying," he mutters but the corners of his lips were curled upwards.

I grin and see Liam, Ed and Chris in the living room, playing some type of drinking game. I see Harry's eyes light up at the sight of the drinks and sigh internally.

Liam introduces Harry to Chris while I go to the bathroom to piss, but not before thrusting the plastic bag into Ed's chest.

When I come back, Harry has a joint in his mouth and Chris is lighting it for him.

"Jesus Christ," I mutter and take the beer Liam holds out for me.

Chris turns to me, grinning. "It's good to see you, man." He pulls me into a hug, his bulky frame engulfing me.

I pull back and smile at him. "How was Atlanta?"

"Hot." Chris groans. "But we're wrapped now so I get a few months to chill before heading back for reshoots and shit."

"Come over here, Harry." Ed says, waving Harry over to the table that they littered with red cups.

"Ed tells me Harry's your boyfriend?" Chris says, but he keeps his voice low.

I roll my eyes and take a sip of beer. "No, he's a friend."

"I had a feeling," he chuckles.

Chris and Liam join Ed and Harry in the drinking game while I sit on the couch and watch. I knew I would be taking care of Harry tonight and the both of us being drunk wasn't going to make the job easier on me.

So I cradle the beer in my hand and take sips from it, watching the others set up the game.

*

Ed and Harry were currently winning. They downed less drinks than Liam and Chris did but they still drank a few cups. I think it was fair to say they both equally sucked but Liam and Chris sucked a little more.

Harry looked like he was enjoying himself, celebrating with Ed and laughing when Chris shit-talked Ed whenever he'd land the ping pong ball in one of their cups.

Harry was also slowly getting drunk, getting encouraged by Ed to drink more in between rounds. A few rounds later, his throws become sloppy and he cracks up every time he misses, a huge grin on his face as he cackles.

I watch him though, making sure he doesn't drink anything strong since he still has school tomorrow. I was sure he wouldn't want to go in the morning, but when I remind him he waves me off, telling me he can handle his alcohol.

I get up from the couch after another round ends and Ed sets up for a new kind of game. I brought cigarettes with me but I didn't have a lighter so I ask Chris.

After getting a light from Chris, I go to the kitchen to get another beer. I hear Harry follow me in.

I open the fridge and get a beer out. "Want one?" I ask him.

"Yes," comes his answer a bit slowly.

I place the cigarette between my lips and grab another beer, shutting the fridge. I hand Harry the bottle and he twists it open, taking a drink.

I twist off the cap and throw it onto the counter, glancing at Harry. Harry is looking at the cigarette dangling from my mouth and I roll my eyes. "I just lit this."

Harry grins at me, his green eyes widening. "You have a whole pack, is the thing."

I take one last puff before handing it over. I take a drink of beer as Harry sucks on the cigarette, a happy look on his face.

"I'm not happy about being an enabler, you know." I mutter.

Harry smiles, cheeks flushed. "I was gonna ask Chris for one anyway."

"He has a girlfriend." I point out, noticing the way Harry smirks.

"Everyone has someone."

"He's also 30 years old." I add, quirking up an eyebrow.

That surprises Harry. "Really? He looks super young."

"Yup."

Harry considers it, then he laughs. "Age doesn't matter to me."

"Course not." I snort.

"Does it matter to you?"

I shrug, taking another sip. "Depends."

"On what?" Harry leans against the counter, pink lips pulled up into a mischievous smile.

"Their qualities. How decent of a human being they are," I answer. "Normal stuff."

Harry nods, looking deep in thought. "What's the youngest you've ever been with?"

"Been with. In what way?" I smirk when he fake gags.

"In any way."

"18, I guess."

"Interesting," he hums, making me snort.

"What about you?"

"What?" he raises his eyebrows. "Youngest?"

"Oldest." I counter.

Harry smiles at that. "It's complicated. But I'll spare you the details and just say 23."

"How complicated could it be?" I wonder.

"Do you want the details?" he asks and the look on his face tells me I don't want to know beyond what he said.

"I'm good." I laugh.

Harry stares at me for awhile, making my cheeks heat up. "You know that one morning when you woke me up? The night after Karen's party?"

"Yeah." I nod. Karen had asked me to wake up Harry that morning and he wasn't so happy about it. He also was naked in bed with a friend of his.

"I thought you were a real asshole. You laughed at me when I threw up. I remember that very clearly," he giggles.

I smile at the sound and the memory. "Yeah, I remember too."

"You also tried to buckle my seatbelt in for me like I was a fucking baby," he scowls.

"Because you wouldn't do it yourself."

"You were so cocky. But," he nods, smiling at me in approval. "Now that I actually know you I think you're a great person. Not an asshole. Sometimes you are an asshole though, but you're mostly great."

I smile, my entire body going hot at the compliment. Harry looks at me with a genuine expression on his face and I felt that he means what he's saying.

"Thank you." I say, glancing down for a second while my cheeks heat up. "I think you're great, too."


	27. 0.27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A shortie.   
> Enjoy xoxo.

It's 7 pm and Harry is pretty drunk. He switched from beer to taking shots with Chris and Ed.

I wince every time I see him gulp down a shot, knowing every ounce is stacking up to work against him later. I pull him from the other two and try to get him to eat something and drink water, he refuses for a few seconds but I promise to give him a cigarette if he listens and he follows me into the kitchen.

"Why aren't you drinking again, Zayn?" Harry slurs, bumping into me when I come to a stop in front of the fridge.

I move him so he's leaning against the counter, then turn to the fridge. "Because I have to drive, Harry."

"You're so responsible," he sounds annoyed by it.

"Someone has to be." I say and pull out some pizza and a bottled water. I turn around and hand him the water, looking for a plate. I plate the pizza and warm it up in the microwave. I return to see Harry struggling with the water bottle cap.

I take it from him and open it, handing it back.

"Thanks," he mumbles and downs almost half the bottle in a matter of seconds.

We stand in silence for a minute as the microwave warms up the slice of pizza. I take it out when it beeps, placing it next to Harry.

"Eat up."

Harry makes a face. "Looking at that makes me wanna throw up."

"Then eat it with your eyes closed."

That makes Harry think of something and he laughs. "What do you call a fish with no eye?"

I purse my lips to hide my amused smile. "I don't know. What?"

"Fssshh," he snickers, finding his joke incredibly funny.

I chuckle and point to the pizza. "That was hilarious. But don't think you've distracted me."

Harry pouts. "I thought you forgot about it."

I shake my head. "I didn't."

Harry frowns down at the pizza, finally picking it up and tearing a piece off, chewing it like he had a mouthful of glass. "Ugh," he lets out when he swallows.

"Stop acting like you're being tortured."

Harry scowls at me, grabbing the plate and sliding to the floor. "Sit down."

I comply and sit down next to him after grabbing the water bottle off the counter. I hand it to Harry who takes it with a roll of his eyes.

It takes Harry 10 minutes to finish the slice of pizza and another extra minute to finish off the rest of the water. I help him off the floor, grabbing his greasy hands and handing him a napkin when he tries to lick the grease off his fingers. I do the same, shaking my head in content. I was glad I got him to drink water and eat because I know he's gonna go back out and drink more and there's a chance he won't listen to anything I say after a few more drinks.

Harry walks back to the living room at a leisurely pace and I stay behind him, making sure he doesn't trip over anything, which he has already done multiple times tonight.

*

It's 10 pm and Harry is still drinking. He's slowed down a bit, but every now and then Chris will slide him a shot and he'd take it, getting more rowdy.

Chris is pretty drunk too and Liam laughs as he stumbles into me while trying to lay on the couch. Harry laughs too as Liam decides to just lay against me.

He wraps his arm around my neck, pulling our faces close together. "I love you, Zayn. You're amazing!"

I smile at him and push him back against the cushions. "I love you, too, Liam. Settle down a bit though, yeah?"

Liam grins, grabbing my face in his hands and pressing a sloppy kiss on my cheek. "You're so beautiful! It's crazy!"

I grimace and wipe his spit off my cheek. "Alright, Liam."

Liam passes out a few minutes later, curled up on the couch. I make sure he's comfortable before I get up. I walk towards Harry who looks like he’s ready to pass out as well.

"Harry." I put a hand on Harry's shoulder.

"Zayn," he looks up at me, a goofy grin on his face.

"Time to go, yeah? It's late." I tell him and silently thank God when he nods instead of arguing with me.

Ed whines. "What? Leaving already?"

I pull Harry away from the wall, putting an arm around his waist as he leans on me. "Yeah. Night, Ed. Try not to drink anymore, okay?"

Ed laughs. "Yeah, okay!"

I say bye to Chris then look down at Harry who has his eyes half-shut and is grinning up at me. "Alright. Walk slowly." I instruct but keep my arm around him anyway.

We get to the car without injury. Harry slumps in the seat, not complaining when I strap the seatbelt on for him.

Harry is trying hard to keep his eyes open, he manages but leans forward to put his head in his hands, groaning slightly.

I glance at him warily. "Uh, are you gonna throw up?"

"No." Harry mumbles out. He sounds okay to me, so fucking drunk but he doesn't sound sick.

"Alright. Try to breathe. We'll be there soon." I try to assure him but I only get a hum in response.

I park in front of the apartment complex, since it would take an extra floor off the climb in the lift. Harry leans against me in the elevator, curls stuck down onto his forehead.

I lead him into the apartment, holding him around the waist as he kicks his shoes off. He smelled a lot like alcohol and smoke.

I take Harry to my room, laying him down on the bed. "I'll get you some water, okay? I'll be back."

Harry doesn't say anything, instead he rests against the bed with his eyes closed and gives me a small nod.

I get him a glass of water, returning to the room a minute later. "Wake up." I kneel on the bed and shake Harry's shoulder lightly.

"I'm up," he mumbles and opens his eyes, bleary and glazed over. I felt bad for him, no amount of water would help him tomorrow morning but I had to try.

I hand him the water and he sits up, taking big gulps and hands it back. "Try to sleep. Don't choke on your throw up in the middle of the night, yeah?" I smile at him.

Harry drunkenly grins, reaching over and grabbing my forearm. "Stay here."

I'm taken back, not sure if I heard him right. "Er...what?"

Harry tugs on my arm. "Stay in here with me. Just sleeping."

I furrow my brows. "I don't...uh," Harry continues to tug on my arm, not really moving me from my spot on the side of the bed.

"Just sleep. Promise," he smiles, looking very innocent when he puts on that smile.

I purse my lips and slowly nod. "Okay…”

Harry grins in triumph, settling down against the bed and pulling the covers up. "Good."

I clear my throat, feeling very out of place for a minute. I look away from him and put the empty glass down on bedside table. Harry was still in his hoodie and he seemed comfortable in it, but I take mine off, throwing it near the closet.

I glance at Harry, seeing him curled up on his side, eyes halfway closed, but he still stared at me.

"Stop looking at me." I mutter and Harry quietly laughs. I go over to turn the lights off, then I get into the bed, under the sheets, staying a fair distance from Harry. It was dark but I could tell he was staring at my profile. "Goodnight, Harry." I try to prompt him.

Harry hums, sleepily. "Night, Zayn."


	28. 0.28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking a month, a week and two days to upload this. Trust me, I’ve been working really hard on this story. I already wrote the next few chapters so there won’t be a wait after this chapter. I’ve been working on turning this story around so the plot moves along faster and I think I’m happy with how it’s going. Hopefully you guys like it too. Anyway, thank you for the patience and I will see you guys this coming Monday with a new chapter. Xoxo

I'm a bit irritated when I wake up. My head was throbbing and I wasn't entirely too sure what happened. But I open my eyes, nearly being blinded by the light seeping in through the curtains.

I lay on my side, my hand covering my eyes as I turn my back to the window. I sigh, digging my face into the pillow.

I couldn't remember last night to the best of my recollection, but I remember taking a lot of shots with blurry people and dancing a lot.

My brain was also telling me Zayn slept in here last night. I wasn't sure if it actually happened or if my dumb mind was just conjuring it up. But the moment I realize that I was smelling Zayn, I come to the conclusion that it was real. The pillow smelled more like him, and since I've been hogging his bed for the past few days it started to smell more like me, but now it smelled more like Zayn.

I don't know how I should feel about that, honestly. Thinking about it made my head hurt more than it already did, though.

I instantly get out of bed when I feel a wave of nausea hit me. I hurry to the bathroom while also at the same time trying not to upset my stomach any further.

Only a little bit of vomit comes up when I stick my head into the toilet bowl, but it's still tastes bitter and makes me wanna die. I sit back on my knees, grimacing when I see the contents of the toilet.

I wait a few more minutes, trying to see if another wave will come but it doesn't. I get up then and brush my teeth vigorously, trying to get the nasty taste off my tongue. I slash my face with cold water afterwards, then head back to the room where I take off the clothes from last night and put an almost identical set of clothes on. Speaking of, I needed to wash my clothes since I was quickly running low on things to wear.

I check the time on my phone, seeing that it was noon. So I leave the room and walk towards the living room where Zayn should be.

But he wasn't there, and he wasn't in the kitchen either.

I pull out my phone to text him.

 **Harry:** where are you

There's a reply a minute later.

 **Zayn:** store. getting some stuff. didn't see my note?

 **Harry:** no

 **Zayn:** in the kitchen on the island. put some pills there for you too.

I go back to the kitchen and see a note and a bottle of Tylenol on the island and I have no idea how I didn't see it before.

I pick up the note and read it.

_I went to the store. Be back shortly. Text me if you need anything._

_Z_

I put it down and text him again, remembering the heap of dirty clothes on the floor of his bedroom.

 **Harry:** you have any detergent? got a bunch of gross clothes I wanna wash

 **Zayn:** it's in the laundry room. it's the room closest to Niall's

 **Harry:** cool

 **Zayn:** I'll be back in a few. don't burn down the place

 **Harry:** don't tempt me

I end up washing my clothes after taking a few pills and downing a glass of water. Zayn hasn't come back yet so I do the bed, smoothing out the sheets and fixing the pillows.

I spread out on the couch after that, turning the tv on and watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine, a show Zayn keeps telling me to watch but never do because I don't bother to make a Hulu account. But Zayn's TV has a Hulu account logged in so I watch it.

Zayn comes back halfway through the second episode. I sit up and watch him walk through the door.

Zayn sees me and smiles once he notices what I'm watching. "Finally watching it?"

I shrug. "It's funny, I guess."

He's carrying bags, eco-friendly bags and I can't help roll my eyes at him. I follow him to the kitchen, sitting up on the counter.

"Sorry I'm a bit late," he apologizes as he starts to put the groceries away. "I had to stop by Louis' and check on Liam."

I nod, slightly swinging my feet. "How is he?"

"Knocked out," he gives me a grin. "Chris and Ed were up though."

I quirk an eyebrow up. "Chris..."

"You don't remember Chris?" Zayn laughs, surprised.

"The name sounds familiar."

"You were flirting with him all night." Zayn says with a sly smile. "He was also the one—aside from Ed—that kept encouraging you to take shots."

"Is he cute?" I ask and contain my laughter when Zayn rolls his eyes.

"He's very good looking, yes," he answers nonetheless.

"Anything happen?" I smirk, only trying to crack Zayn.

Zayn chuckles, pushing his hair out of his face. "No. Despite him being very drunk and you asking him for a light every 5 minutes, he kept it in his pants."

I cackle, throwing my head back because that sounded like s thing I would do. "That's my go to."

"Yeah, I figured that out." Zayn rolls his eyes and continues putting away the groceries.

I watch him for a minute, remembering that we slept in the same bed last night. I wasn't planning on bringing it up, but I wanted to see Zayn squirm.

"Sleep well last night?" I ask, waiting until his back wasn't to me anymore so I could see his face.

Zayn immediately blushes, grabbing some random thing from one of the bags and turning around to stuff it into the fridge. "Yup. You?"

"Slept like a baby." I say, watching as he avoids looking at me.

"Glad to hear that," he says, trying to sound indifferent but I could pick out the betrayed tone in his voice. Clearly he didn't expect me to bring it up.

"I didn't choke on my throw up." I point out, distinctly remembering him saying something along those lines last night.

"I can see that," he turns around, giving me a slightly narrow-eyed look.

I grin at him. "Next time you need to get drunk, too."

Zayn licks the bottom of his lips and shrugs. "Maybe."

Zayn potentially getting drunk reminds me of something.

"Karen's having a party Friday night."

Zayn closes the fridge and puts the re-usable bags away in a drawer. He leans against the counter, across from me. "This Friday?"

I nod. "Yup. You gonna come?"

"Uh. I don't know. I have to go somewhere Saturday morning." Zayn shrugs.

I roll my eyes. "Where?"

He smiles slightly. "I have a meeting with some people."

"Do you think you'll spontaneously combust if you one day stop being so vague?"

"Ha ha. Hilarious."

"I know." I grin at him.

We eye each other for a second—even though it weirdly feels like a full minute—before I hop off the counter, breaking our eye contact.

"Gotta put my clothes in the dryer."

*

 **Nate:** You weren't at school today.

I read the text, sitting up on the couch so I can reply.

 **Harry:** got a little too drunk last night

 **Nate:** will I see you at Karen's Friday?

 **Harry:** maybe. my parents are in town tomorrow so we'll see

 **Harry:** probably yes, though

*

I don't eat much today, grimacing when Zayn takes a big bite out of pizza that he had just ordered. I still felt a little sick and just the smell alone made me nauseas. Zayn laughs, taking no pity on me.

"You know I warned you last night," he says, smug.

I glare at him, refraining to kick one of the pillows I dragged from his room at him. Instead I stuff my face into the pillow and sigh. "I'm leaving tomorrow."

Zayn chews and nods. "Your parents come back tomorrow."

"And Niall comes back tomorrow, too." I close my eyes, fatigue coming over me.

"He does." Zayn says. "I've been texting him. Says he misses Karen a lot."

"Aw. Did he hurt your bromance when he didn't say he misses you?" I peek one eye open to see his reaction.

Zayn rolls his eyes, but a smile graced his lips. "We've lived together for a year. I wouldn't complain if he was gone for a little while longer."

I chuckle lowly. "So you're saying if we lived together for a year and then I left, you wouldn't miss me?"

"Absolutely not," he gives me a serious look. "You're a menace. I feel like I've told you that before."

I frown. "That's incredibly rude, Zayn. Have you no manners? I'm a _guest_."

"Just making sure you're not too comfortable. Gotta put you in your place," he grins, eyes crinkling up.

I close my eyes, fake snoring. "Too late. I'll probably take this couch with me when I leave. And your bed."

"You'll have to fight Niall for the couch."

"But I can take the bed?" I ask. "You know what? You should sleep on it, it's a big decision."

"I'll sleep on it," he agrees. "It is a nice bed."

"Can you bear to part with it?"

"Would you take good care of it?"

I nod, hiding my smile behind the pillow. "I'll only have sex on it with people that I'll probably call back. No hoes though."

That makes Zayn crack up, his laughter filling the room. "Deal."


	29. 0.29

I don't want to go to school in the morning. I was so over it. I also don't want to go back home where my parents were. I wanted to stay here with Zayn because it was so nice, so calming and I don't remember the last time I felt like that at ease without being influenced by some type of drug or alcohol.

But all good things come to an end and I say goodbye to Zayn as I step out the car, my school bag on my back.

Zayn says he'll see me this afternoon and I nod, muttering a see you later before slamming the door (maybe a bit too forcefully) and stalking to the entrance. My good mood from this whole week has already diminished.

I see Isak and Karen by Karen's locker. Karen was fixing her newly short hair with the assistance from the mirror she had stuck to the inside of her locker while Isak leaned on another locker next to her, talking about whatever the hell they talk about.

I walk up to them, immediately being pulled into Isak's arms.

"It feels like I haven't seen you ages, Harold!" Isak squeezes me, my face smushed into his shoulder.

I grimace. "Alright, let me go."

Isak laughs right next to my ear, patting my back before pulling away and dropping his arms. "Why the sour mood? It's Friday! Weekend baby!" he cheers, making a few students that were passing by look at us.

Karen chuckles. "Plus, my party is tonight."

I make a noise of discontent. "How could I forget?"

Karen narrows her eyes at me. "You're coming, yes? You're my co-host."

I give her a look. "Since when?"

"Uh, since always?"

"I missed that memo."

Karen scoffs. "But you are coming?"

I sigh. "Yes."

Isak looks amused. "I thought you loved parties?"

"I love the booze. I can do without all the people." I roll my eyes.

Karen snorts. "Is Zayn coming? Did you ask him?"

I cross my arms over my chest and shrug. "He's busy."

Isak smirks. "That's cute."

I ignore him. "Your mums out of town?"

"She's visiting her boyfriend in Maine. Won't be back until Sunday." Karen reports.

The bell rings and I sigh.

"Well, kids. Time to go to class." I say, melancholy seeping through my words.

Karen laughs at me. "See you guys," she blows kisses our way and leaves to her class.

Isak and I walk to class.

*

The day goes by quickly. I was supposed to see Meredith today but I never got called into her office so I guess she isn’t here today. I was grateful because I know if she was here she'd berate me about missing school and shit.

Lunch goes by quickly as well. I sit with Isak and Karen at our usual table, listening to Karen blab about Niall and her party, chuckling whenever Isak would interject with snide comments.

Before I realize it, the last bell is ringing and I'm headed out to the parking lot.

I see Zayn's Jeep and I get there with no complications. Zayn smiles when I settle in the seat and look at him.

"Why're you smiling?" I ask, wary.

"Because you're smiling and smiling back is the polite thing to do. Don't you have any manners?" He raises an eyebrow.

I furrow my brows. "I wasn't smiling."

"Now that I pointed it out you're not," he smirks. "But you were."

I glare at him. "Thanks, dude."

Zayn cackles. "Welcome."

I roll my eyes and run my fingers through my hair, noticing my other bag in the backseat. I clear my throat. "What're you gonna do without me at your place?"

"I think I'll survive." Zayn smirks, he starts the car up and begins the drive to my house.

I snort quietly, glancing out the window. "Sure."

Music plays softly from the stereo, the windows rolled up since it was recently starting to get really cold out. It's quiet in the car and I stare out the passenger side window, loathing the thought of going home. Linda wasn't back yet so it‘s just going to be me and my parents and that isn't always good.

"Are you going to Karen's party tonight?" Zayn breaks the comfortable silence.

I turn my head to look at him. I shrug, "dunno. Karen wants me to."

"You don't?"

"Don't know yet. Might not...might just stay in."

Zayn smiles, a teasing glint in his eye. "That has nothing to do with the fact that I'm not going does it?"

I emit a short laugh. "Right."

"You know, I'm glad your admitting it. That's the first step to cure your addiction."

I narrow my eyes at him. "I'm addicted?"

"Well, yes." He says matter-of-factly.

"You're the one addicted."

"I think you're mistaken, Harry."

"No. I'm pretty sure it's you."

Zayn gives me an odd look, not breaking. "Now you're being delusional."

I roll my eyes at him. "You're the worst. You know that?"

Zayn grins. "I've heard that before, yes."

I have to look away and purse my lips to keep the stupid smile off my face.

*

I enter through the front door, squeezing my eyes shut and exhaling through my nose when I hear arguing.

"He's out all the time!" Mum yells. "He wasn't home last night and did he call to tell us? I can't keep doing this! This is how Spencer went wrong you know—"

"He isn't Spencer!" Dad yells back at her. "If we keep telling him how to act all he's going to do is the exact opposite."

The door closes too loudly behind me and I hear footsteps immediately. I glance at the staircase, wondering if I can quickly run upstairs before she can get to me. But I catch sight of mums fierce eyes before I can even take a step.

"I know." I say before she can even open her mouth to shout at me. I try very hard to keep the attitude out of my voice.

"You know _what_ , Harry? Huh? Please tell me what you _know_."

Dad comes up from behind her, lips pursed.

I look back at her, sighing. "I'm not doing this."

Mum scoffs, even laughs a bit. "Do you hear that, Dex? He doesn't want to do this." She laughs once again but it sounds hysteric. "Alright then. Go upstairs, do whatever you want. You know, since you're the one calling the shots in this house. Go to your room."

I narrow my eyes at her, not understanding but also not caring enough to ask questions. I turn away from her and go upstairs to my room. I know she's not done, I know she'll bring this up tomorrow but at the moment I just didn't care.

I had no idea if she actually didn't care anymore or if she was just drunk but I don't let it bother me. It's nothing I haven’t dealt with before.

*

 **Karen:** helloooooooooo

 **Karen:** did you forget the party? you better fucking come.

I read the text, actually contemplating on whether I should go or not. There would be drinks, drugs maybe considering who would be there. It'd be better than staying here and hearing occasional muffled yelling.

 **Harry:** on my way

I get out of bed, the remote falling to the floor. I shove my phone into my pocket and put on a denim jacket that was thrown on the floor some time ago. I head downstairs, hoping mum wasn't down there because I didn't want to ask her if I could go to Karen's and also borrow a car.

Thankfully she wasn't down there, but dad was. He had a drink in his hand as he sat behind his desk and read over some papers. He looks up when I enter the room, a tried and small smile on his face. I felt a little guilty since he was arguing with mum because of me. I wasn't really making it easy on him, I guess.

"I was going to go to Karen's. Wanted to let you know." I say, staying close to the door because my guilt wouldn't let me get any closer to my dad.

Dad gives me a look. "Harry..."

"Its only Karen's. I promise." I cut in quickly. "Plus, it's a Friday."

Dad looks wary. "Your mum is right. You can't keep doing this, Harry."

I make up some shit in my head. "I know. Its irresponsible and I'm working on it, I swear."

He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Take the car that's parked in the driveway."

"Thanks." I say and catch the keys he throws my way.

"And Harry," he says as I turn away to walk out the office. I raise my eyebrows at him in question, I thought I had gotten off easy. "Don't drive home if you will be drinking tonight," he sounds exasperated as he says it.

"Of course. Wouldn't be the first time anyway." I joke but he narrows his eyes at me. "I'm kidding." But I kind of wasn't.

I leave the house, taking the small black car parked in the driveway. I wanted to stop by TJ's, get an eightball or something. I text him to make sure he was home, but he doesn't answer which most likely means he isn't home or is too busy so I continue my drive to Karen's.

I've come to realize that I should never believe Karen when she says that she's throwing "a small party" because there's a big chance that she's lying. And tonight was one of the big ones. I could hear the music before I even got out the car and it almost makes me want to turn around and go back home.

People I don't know litter the front lawn, lighting up cigarettes and blunts. I walk around them to reach the front door, grimacing as I walk inside. There are too many people and I have to push them aside so I can get to the kitchen. I wanted to get drunk enough that being among these people wouldn't annoy me so much.

I reach the kitchen and only find beer. I guess these animals finished all the hard alcohol. So I begrudgingly grab a beer and fish my phone out so I can find out where Karen is.

 **Harry:** where are you? id like to file some complaints.

Karen informs me that she's by the stairs. I put my phone away and take the beer with me as I head to the stairs.

Karen is there with Niall, Isak and Ed.

I glare at her when I'm finally in front of her. "All the good stuff was snatched up. What am I supposed to do?"

" _Everything_?" Karen raises her eyebrow.

"There's nothing in the kitchen but beer." I huff. I don't really get drunk off beer—well, I can but it takes awhile and a lot of beer and I wasn't in the mood to go to the bathroom for a piss every five minutes.

"Should've gotten here earlier." She smirks at me.

I take a swing of the beer, grimacing. "You suck."

Niall raises an eyebrow. "Want me to go pick up some stuff? There's a liquor store right around the corner."

"That would be lovely." I smile at him, making sure it looked smug as fuck for Karen.

"No. We're not enabling him." Karen narrows her eyes at me.

I gape at her. "You fuck."

Karen gives me her cup, taking my beer. "There you go."

I smell it. "What is it?"

"Take a sip," she smiles.

"You trying to roofie me?"

Isak chuckles. "That's not something to joke about."

"You just laughed." I roll my eyes at him and take a sip. It tasted like vodka and some kind of juice.

I look around the room as they talk amongst themselves, not sure what I was looking for. I want to get a little drunk tonight, I have no obligations tomorrow so it sounds like a good idea. But I wasn't going to get drunk off what's in this cup or any beer, I needed something stronger.

I find myself walking away from the group, not saying anything to them as I leave. I see people with empty bottles of alcohol and I glare at them, fucking greedy ass people. They’re all animals.

It's too stuffy in the house so I go to the backyard. Not many people were out here because it was a little cold outside, but I liked it. The backyard lights were dimmed so the huge pool was nicely lit up, sparkling as the wind moved it around a bit. The backyard was big enough that the people hanging out didn't annoy me with their proximity.

I sit on a chair, the cup in my lap as I pull out my phone. TJ hasn't texted back, which confirmed that he was busy since he always texts me back or calls back. I scroll through my messages, finding Zayn's name. I purse my lips as I look at the last time we texted. It was that day I woke up in Zayn's apartment and he wasn't there and I texted him asking where he was. I tap on our text messages and type out a text.

I ask how his meeting is but don't send it. I read it over and over again, not sure what I was doing. I delete the message, biting the inside of my cheek and shaking my head. I want to talk to him though, tell him I was grounded or that I finished season one of the show we were watching together or some other shit, but why? Why do I want to talk to him more than I want to talk to anyone else? It doesn't make sense. I don't like the feeling so I turn my phone off and finish off the drink, putting the cup on the ground.

I shove my cold fingers into the pocket of my hoodie and watch the people across from me, they were playing some kind of drinking game and I almost want to join them just so I could have something alcoholic to drink. I lean my head back and close my eyes, thinking of what happened this afternoon.

No doubt my mum would tell Linda what happened, if they haven't already. Linda is gone for another week, which means that I have to deal with mum by myself. I already know Linda will give me a talk when she come back, and although I respect Linda and I love her, I can't bring myself to care at the moment. I don't care about it, honestly.

I stay outside for awhile, growing used to the cold. More people come outside, drunk and loud. I ignore them as long as I can but slowly grow annoyed. So I get up and leave once a couple starts making out too close for me to ignore.

It's a lot warmer inside. Loud too, but not as loud as when I first got here.

Immediately I see Nate hanging around some people. I head to the kitchen and get a beer before going over to him.

Nate gives me a smile once he sees me, definitely drunk. "Harry," He drunkenly pulls me into a hug. "You been here the whole time?"

I pat his back before pulling away. "I got here an hour ago."

"What're you drinking?"

I show him the beer bottle, taking a sip and shrugging. "Only thing left."

Nate makes an exasperated sound and turns around to grab something. He hands me a half empty bottle of Jäger and I can literally feel myself light up at the sight of it. I grab it and take a swig, wincing a little bit but it was fucking good.

I grin at Nate. "Thanks, you're a life saver."

Nate shrugs, full smile glued to his face. "You can finish it off, I've had plenty."

*

I end up giving Nate the rest of the bottle after taking a few sips, not really in the mood to get drunk anymore. But I was still a little tipsy, despite only taking four shot sized swigs from the bottle, usually I don't get drunk that easily.

The group has gotten pretty wild since past few hours that have passed. Niall and Karen were dancing, pretty shitfaced. Isak and Ed were dancing together as well, just as drunk and rowdy as everyone else.

It was loud, but I could still hear Nate as he pulls me into the circle of our dancing friends.

"I'm gonna throw up if I start dancing." I pull away from him, rolling my eyes.

"Oh, come on!" Nate grins, trying to grab my hand again.

I chuckle and point to Karen. "Dance with one of them. I'm gonna go outside for a little."

Nate makes a face but lets me go. "Next time," he vows before turning to Isaac.

I squeeze in between bodies, trying to get to the backyard and trying to avoid actual contact with as many people as I can. They were all sweaty and gross.

The backyard cleared out, only a few people walking about, lit cigarettes and joints dangling between their fingers.

But as soon as I walk out I hear splashing and laughing. The swimming pool was occupied, a few bodies I couldn't really identify at this angle were making a bunch of noise in the huge, lit up pool.

I watch them for a bit, almost recognizing two of the voices.

A minute passes and I walk closer, finally recognizing one of the guys. It was Louis. He was cackling, dripping wet as he continuously pushes someone deeper into the pool.

That someone appeared to be Zayn.


	30. 0.30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy. Thank you for reading :) xo

I had to step closer and squint my eyes—not really believing my own eyes.

Zayn was wrestling with Louis and another male, a bigger guy with a beard. He was dripping wet too, laughing and pushing the other guy away, hiding behind Louis.

I didn't really know what to do or say. I wasn't expecting Zayn to be here, nonetheless shirtless in a pool with two other guys.

They notice me then, the buff guy noticing me first.

“Harry? Hey, man!"

I furrow my brows because, how does he know my name? And why does he make it sound like we've met before?

I don't voice those questions though because I'm looking at Zayn, a smirk forming on my face when he looks surprised to see me.

Zayn grins after the initial shock, seeming to be drunk. "Harry!"

I smile at him. "Zayn."

They get out the pool, Louis helping Zayn while rolling his eyes. The buff guy throws a towel at Zayn and it almost drops to the wet stone.

"You're here?" Zayn clumsily wraps the towel around his hips.

He seemed to be only in boxer briefs, no shirt. Which meant his tattoos were on full display, but it was dark so I couldn't assess them properly.

I quickly look back at his face. "Yeah? You're here?"

"Yeah," he toothily grins.

The buff guy interrupts then.

"Good to see you again, man," he grins at me. I notice how good looking he is, neat beard and pretty brown hair, darkened by the water.

I quirk up an eyebrow. He was good looking but I don't remember ever meeting him before.

"Sorry, but I don't remember you?"

The guy gives me a knowing smile. "You were pretty drunk, that's understandable. I'm Chris."

"We've met?" I question and Louis chuckles, I give him a quick glance.

"Earlier this week, yeah. At Louis' place actually." Chris shrugs.

"You flirted a lot." Zayn laughs, his sentence slurred.

I raise a eyebrow, amused by Zayn's behavior. "Really?"

"You wanna sit down, love?" Louis wraps an arm around Zayn as he sways, ushering him inside and Chris shrugs.

"I guess we follow them."

Chris is incredibly attractive, very muscly and funny. He cracks some jokes as we walk back inside, telling me about that night I was blackout drunk. I wish I remembered so I'd know how to behave with him. Chris says I hit on him a few times and that he played along but nothing happened. Unfortunate.

"When'd you guys get here?" I ask Chris as we make our way to everyone else. Louis sits Zayn down on an armchair and squishes in next to him, their faces very close.

"An hour maybe?" Chris says, nodding towards Zayn. "We pre-gamed at Zayn's. He may have gone a bit overboard."

I look back to Zayn, his eyelids halfway shut and a dopey smile on his face as Louis pokes him and puts an arm around his shoulders. I've never seen him drunk before so it was kind of like seeing a new version of him.

"Yeah." I mutter. "Didn't know he was coming. Said he had stuff to do."

Chris runs his hand through his wet hair, drying it off with the towel afterwards. Zayn appeared to have been the only person in only his underwear in the pool. The alcohol most likely fooling his body into thinking it was warm enough for that.

"He left to do something, but came back like, 20 minutes later." Chris shrugs.

I purse my lips and lean against the wall. I catch Nate's eye and he smirks and comes over to me. Chris goes over to Ed, enveloping him in a hug.

"Zayn's here." Nate states.

"I see." I roll my eyes.

"Who's that he's cuddling with?" Nate hums, in an asshole-ish tone. 

I squint my eyes. "Fuck off."

Nate leans into me, resting his elbow on my shoulder. "I'm just curious."

I ignore him, but take the beer out of his other hand. I drink the rest, putting it back in his hand. "Have you seen TJ?"

"No, isn't answering any of my calls. That asshole." Nate snorts. "Why? You want some coke?"

"Do you have any?" I question.

"No. I have a joint though." Nate reaches behind his ear to slide out the rolled up joint. 

"Is that all?" I frown.

"Hey, I'm not a drug dealer. I get what I can get." Nate rolls his eyes and puts the joint between his lips, lighting it up. 

My eyes go over to Zayn, who is a drug dealer. But I have a feeling he'd never supply me with drugs again. Zayn, who is beyond drunk right now and has his face in Louis' neck. Which is weird if you ask me.

Nate nudges me, handing me the joint with a smirk on his face. "Stop staring."

"I'm not staring at anything." I mutter and take a hit. 

Nate laughs, too loudly and Zayn looks at us, a smile on his face. I avert my eyes and elbow Nate in the side, silently telling him to shut the fuck up.

"I love this side of you." Nate mumbles, pressing himself closer to me. His hair is getting longer, so it tickles my cheek.

I pass the joint back to him and sigh. "Please, be quiet."

 

*

 

The party starts to dry out, a few people littering around inside while most of them moved outside. So it was quieter and more room on the couch was available.

We're around the couch now, squished in next to each other. Chris scoots the armchair Zayn and Louis wouldn't get off to where the couch is. 

I was squished between the arm of the couch and Nate, a new cold beer between my hands. We were all cramped in together. Karen was in Niall's lap, Ed sitting on the other arm of the chair, Isak in between Nate and Niall, and Chris sitting on the floor, leaning back against Zayn's knees.

I had no idea what they were talking about, but Chris, Ed, Louis and Isaac were arguing about the new iPhone. I also didn't care enough to listen to their point.

Zayn is smoking a cigarette, curled into Louis' side. I'm pretty sure he wasn't following what they were saying either since he kept reaching down to squeeze Chris' lips shut whenever he got too loud.

I wanted a cigarette. I also wanted to talk to Zayn, alone and away from everyone else. But I don't want to make a big scene and have everyone staring at us and wondering what I can't say in front of them. I don't have anything important to say, not really, I just wanna talk to Zayn.

Nate is being an asshole as well, nudging me every time he catches me glancing at Zayn—and that's all it really is, fast glances. But he's an idiot so of course he thinks it's more than a fleeting look. 

Zayn glances back too, but then Louis steals his attention.

I have a feeling Louis is purposely trying to piss me off tonight. I also have a feeling that he doesn't like me, which I don't really give a fuck about because I don't even think about Louis. But it's annoying, him obviously trying to keep Zayn away from me.

I also suspect Nate is trying to egg Zayn on. He kept touching my knee and leaning against me, almost half his upper body on me. I pinch his hip and throw him a glare, silently telling him to quit it because Zayn looked a little annoyed with him and I didn't want to start shit tonight.

Other than that, I stay silent while being squished in between Nate and the armrest.

 

*

 

I have a big headache by the time the group starts talking about sex.

Louis starts if off by asking if anyone's ever tasted the cum of the person their sitting next to, which prompts Niall into wondering what the proper etiquette would be if you were to fuck the Queen, if you were allowed to flip the Queen over or if that was allowed.

"Like, are you allowed to fuck the Queen while she's on all fours?" 

"Would she let you come in her?" Chris laughs.

"It would be an honor if she did." Ed cackles.

It gets very detailed and rated R quickly, the boys along with Karen sharing sex stories and inquiries.

I'm not sure what time if was, but now it was just us. Everyone else left an hour ago so it's just us, a big group of dumbasses talking about sex and stupid shit.

I drank five beers in total tonight and I had to piss. So I get up from Nate's side, stumbling a bit as I go to the bathroom closer to the kitchen.

The bathroom is littered with empty bottles of alcohol and the shit that you chuck from blunts. I pee quickly and wash my hands, leaving soon after.

I bump into someone on the way out, nearly falling back into the bathroom. I blink rapidly, dizzy. It's Zayn.

"Sorry," he laughs.

Zayn's still drunk, three hours later, but not as crazy as before—Chris made him chug a bunch of water. He had his clothes on again, his hair falling into his hazy eyes, a lazy smile on his face.

"It's fine." I get out of the way, making room for him.

"What're you doing?" Zayn tilts his head to the side.

"Nothing?" I furrow my brows, confused.

"Wanna smoke outside?" He offers, patting his front pockets.

"You don't need to pee?"

"Nah," he shakes his head.

I shrug, to which he smiles at and leads the way. We walk out the backdoor, a slight breeze drying up the sweat on my hairline that I didn't notice was there in the first place.

We sit on the steps, close to each other.

Zayn hands me a cigarette along with the lighter while he gets one out for himself. I hold the lighter out for him after I light mine and he takes it, his fingers brushing against mine. I pull my hand back and stuff it into the hoodie pocket. 

It was too dark out, only a few stars visible. Crickets were making their noise, fallen leaves scrap against the ground as the wind pushes them around. Despite this being a party scene not too long ago, it's pretty relaxing now.

I sniff, the tip of my nose getting numb and cold.

"Your parents back yet?" Zayn breaks the silence. 

I don't expect that to be the first thing he says, it throws me off guard so I answer too quickly. "Yes. This morning." I lie. 

"Did they notice you were gone?"

I shake my head, my hair—which was getting too long—falls in front of my face, like a curtain. "No.” 

I wasn't going to tell him I got grounded. Why? Well, one reason being that he'd think it was his fault and would apologize too much for something that wasn't because of _him_ , and the second reason being that I don't want to sound like a whiny teenager—which is exactly what I am but Zayn doesn't need to know that. 

I glance at Zayn and see him smiling.

"Good. I don't want you getting in trouble because of me." 

It's like we read each other's minds or something. 

I put the cigarette in between my lips and rub my cold hand against my jeans, trying to make some warmth. I snort, "wouldn't be because of you." 

Zayn shrugs. "Agree to disagree."

I take the cigarette in between my fingers, getting rid of the ash. "So why didn't you tell me you were coming here?"

"I was going to find you here. Niall told me you were here, so I wanted to scare you or something," he has a stupid grin on his face. "But Louis suggested we drink before we leave and then...I really don't remember much after that."

I give him a small smile, letting him know I wasn't actually upset. "It's weird. Seeing you like this. You're usually so composed and in control."

"I rarely ever get drunk." Zayn chuckles.

"Why?"

"Like you said. Getting drunk is fun, but I like the composed version of me better."

I take a drag of the cigarette. "I'd rather be drunk."

"Why aren't you?" Zayn asks, bringing the cigarette to his own lips.

"Who says I'm not?" I smirk.

Zayn grins. "I know when you're drunk, Harry." 

I shrug. "I have to drive back home."

"Ah. Responsible."

My lips twitch upwards. "Barely."

"When are you leaving?" Zayn asks, quieter. 

I look up at the sky, barely able to figure out the time. "Probably after this." I hold up the half finished cigarette.

Zayn nods. "Okay.” 

"You?"

"Whenever Louis decides to."

I purse my lips. I finish the last of the cigarette and put it out on the cold ground, leaving it there. I stand up, shoving my hands into my pockets.

"I should get going." I tell him.

Zayn stands up as well, a small smile on his face. "Alright. I'll see you."

When? 

I nod, my eyes fixated on the very short cigarette in between his fingers. "Okay." I say and turn around to open the backdoor. 

Zayn stays out there, sitting back down and pulling out his pack of Newports.


	31. 0.31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello !  
> I’m really proud of this chapter, I wrote it a few days ago and went back to revise it twice because some more stuff came to mind—which I freaking love it when that happens. Hopefully you guys like it and it adds on another layer to Harry’s life.  
> Anyway, thank you for reading ! Leave kudos if you like it :) xoxo

* * *

The following two weeks are hell.

My parents hire drivers to take me to school and back. They make sure that I go nowhere but home. It’s all mums idea, but dad can’t do anything about it even if he tried.

Karen thinks it's hilarious.

"You should've told them you were staying at your boyfriends," she says, an obnoxious grin on her face.

But my parents are only home for another few days before they leave. Linda is back, though. Mum filled her in on everything, like she always does because she knows I listen to Linda. I don't tell Linda where I was, but I assure her that I was safe and wasn't doing anything bad. Linda believed me but mum didn't when it was reported back to her.

She also rescheduled the meeting with Meredith. Meredith had to let me know when I went to school Monday and we had our weekly appointment. To be honest, I almost forgot about it until she mentioned it.

Zayn has been gone for a few days, out of town with Louis. He didn't tell me much since I didn't ask much about it, but he let me know that he'd be back tomorrow.

Not that it even matters since we won't be able to hang out. I'm on house arrest and can't leave school or else they'd report it to my mum. Everything and everyone was working against me.

"So when are you gonna come over? When you're a free man again?"

I look up from my untouched lunch. "What?"

"Were you even listening?" Karen scowls.

I scratch my head, exhaling. "Not really."

Isak snorts. "You high again?"

"No." I roll my eyes.

“He is.” Isak nods towards Nate, who has his forehead against the table next to me.

“When is he not?" Karen mutters, ripping off pieces of pizza and stuffing it into her mouth.

I give her a look. _Lay off_.

Nate is stressed and if he needs to snort or swallow something to be calm enough to pay attention in class, then I totally get it. He's going through a lot of shit.

Isak peers down at Nate, trying to see if he was actually asleep. "His sisters been doing good lately."

I don't say anything while Karen and Isak continue to discuss Nate. Instead, I look down at the sleeping boy next to me again, a frown forming on my face. I felt for him, it was only about a year ago that I was dealing with shit going on with my own sibling—some people would argue that I'm still dealing with it. I only hope that he gets better before he does something stupid.

*

I want to get out the house. I feel trapped, claustrophobic. I don’t have anything to take that can make the whole thing go by faster, not even weed. My skin feels like it’s crawling.

I walk by my bedroom window for the fifteenth time, my bottom lip suffering in between my teeth. Everyone was downstairs, doing whatever they do. I can smell the food Linda is cooking but it just makes me want to throw up.

Even if I just had a beer, that would calm me down but I have _nothing_. Where did the small baggie of coke I hid under my bed go? I put it there for this specific kind of situation. I've been asking myself that question for the last two weeks. I have no idea where everything went, all the shit I stashed over the past couple of months. I’ve been hung up to dry.

But I do know that my mum has something to do with it. She didn't mention it, didn't yell at me for hiding drugs in my room, she wants me to suffer in paranoia. It’s a harsh punishment, but it’s the only kind of punishment that works on me.

I stop and stare out the window, my teeth biting the skin off the inside of my cheek. A fancy looking car is pulling into the driveway. I watch as they get out the car and I almost laugh out in hysteria. Were my prayers heard? One of my parents partners walks towards our door, his daughter and son following behind him.

I hurry to the bathroom and look into the mirror, fixing my hair and making sure my collar was even. I put on a smile and run down the stairs, the bell had barely just rung. I get there before anyone else.

I swing the door open and grin widely at them. "Mr DeAngelis! It's a pleasure to see you again."

Mr DeAngelis looks taken aback, but he gives me a smile once he realizes it’s me. "Hello, Harry. Always a pleasure to see you as well."

I quickly glance at the two kids behind him, the boy giving his sister a smirk. "Are you here for my parents?"

"Yes. We have a small meeting." Mr DeAngelis gives me a quick wink.

I play along, giving him a crooked smile. "They're right in their offices. You know your way around here, yes?"

He smirks. "Yes, I do."

I stand to the side, letting him in. "Come on in."

Mr DeAngelis steps inside, brushing past me. "Kids, keep Harry company will you?"

I give him an innocent smile. "Have a nice meeting, Mr DeAngelis."

"It was nice seeing you again, Harry," he shamelessly runs his eyes down my body.

I give him a smirk and don't say anything else, waiting until he was around the corner and out of hearing range. Then I turn to the two teenagers, who were giving me grimaces.

"That's still disgusting." Amanda says, pushing me aside and stepping in, her long ombré hair hitting me in the face.

I grin. "Hey, I didn't do anything this time."

"You always give him that stupid smile," she crosses her arms, her dark brown eyes giving me an unimpressed look. “He turns into a pedophile when you do that.”

I turn to the boy, giving him a smile. "Come in, idiot."

Adam grins, walking inside, giving me a much more friendly greeting than his twin sister does. "You look like shit, H."

"Good thing you're here then, yeah?" I close the door and walk upstairs, not even looking back to know that they're both following me to my bedroom.

"What do you need?" Adam ask, walking next to me.

I study him, noticing his clear skin, the neatly styled brown hair and the dark, barely there bags under his familiar eyes. "What do you have?"

We enter my room and I lock the door behind us.

"What do you _want_?" Amanda glares, throwing herself on my bed.

I smirk and sit down obnoxiously close to her. "Amanda, when are you going to stop pretending that you hate me?"

Amanda turns her head to look at me, a fake smile on her face. "I'm not pretending, babe."

I lick my lips, but her eyes stay locked with mine and I laugh. "No need for familiarities, then."

Adam chuckles, sitting on the other side of me. "Don’t mind her bitter attitude. Dad took her car away—he caught her fucking some dude in the kitchen."

My eyebrows shoot up. "Wow. Was it worth it?"

Amanda rolls her eyes, a small smirk forming on her painted lips. "Obviously."

I nod, giving her props. "Nice."

"So why do you look like shit?" Adam smirks as I turn to look at him.

Adam is good looking and a nice friend. I met him and Amanda a long time ago, around the time when I first moved here.

My parents threw a small party with all their new partners and Mr DeAngelis was one of them, he brought his twins and his wife. I clicked with the twins immediately. We were all 10 years old and wanted nothing to do with all the business shit happening inside so we played outside, doing 10 year old shit. Every so often, they'll accompany their father when he comes here and we hang out while the adults drink their whiskey downstairs.

Amanda is attractive as well. She has a nice body and long hair and I like her attitude—I often see myself in her. If I was into girls I'd fuck her, but luckily she has a twin brother that I can turn to.

"I've been grounded for two weeks." I pout.

Amanda snorts, she gets up and grabs the lighter from my dresser. I smell the weed and my lips twitch upwards.

Adam gives me a faux sympathetic look, his eyes flickering down to my lips. "Poor baby. What'd you do?"

"What didn't I do?" I smirk, leaning back but making sure my shoulder brushes up against his.

Adam, notices what I'm doing and smirks back. "So you haven't been able to leave lately?"

I shake my head. "Nope. Stuck here."

He runs his fingers through his hair when a strand falls out of place and lands on his forehead. "How sad. Don't you feel bad for him, Manda?"

Amanda hums, sounding too distracted by rolling a joint.

I laugh, fully laying back, my shirt rides up a bit and I feel a cool breeze hit the tiny amount of skin showing. "They cleaned out my room. Took everything and didn't say anything about it."

"I mean, what else would they say? You've heard it all, like, a million times." Adam rolls his eyes.

I shrug, agreeing. "It would be nice if they acknowledged it though."

"They never do." Amanda mumbles, her long hair a curtain covering her face as she leans over the joint.

I lick my lips and sigh. "Yeah."

Adam leans down on his elbow, a smile on his face. "You turn 18 soon though. February, right?"

I nod, not sure where he was going with this. "Yes."

"What're you gonna do? Party?"

Amanda lights the joint. "Jesus, you're getting old."

I ignore her.

"Maybe," I shrug. "Not sure yet."

I know Karen will want to throw a big party, it's in her blood to throw big parties and my 18th birthday is probably her wet dream.

"Well, if you don't know what to do, call us. We're going to Italy for our 18th." Adam says.

Adam and Amanda's birthday is on the 9th, seven days after mine. When we were kids we once had one big birthday party for the three of us, mostly because our parents were all going away on a trip and they wanted to get it over with.

"Italy sounds good." I mumble, imagining it. I’ve only ever been once and I was too young to remember or enjoy it properly.

"Anywhere sounds good. As long as I get away from here." Amanda says, her voice thick. She blows out the smoke and passes the joint to me.

I take a hit, holding it in for probably too long but the burn feels good. I feel myself relax for the first time in two weeks. I take another hit before passing it to Adam, starting the rotation. Immediately afterwards, Amanda holds a small white pill close to my lips.

I stick my tongue out and she places it on top of my tongue, pressing down briefly. I swallow it, a small smile on my face. She lays down next to me after giving one to Adam and putting one in her own mouth. Her shoulder presses against mine, as does Adam's when he finally lays down. We continue passing around the joint until it's nothing but a little piece of rolling paper.

I felt at ease for the first time in what felt like a long time.

"So, tell us," Adam mumbles and I turn to look at him and find his eyes closed. "You're hanging out with Louis' crew?"

I laugh. "How do you even know that?"

"I know Niall. I buy oxy from him and he mentioned you one day." Amanda says.

"You know Niall?" I question.

"Well, Karen is dating him, isn't she?"

Karen and Amanda are friends, they shop and do other girl shit together so I kinda don't get how I didn't connect the dots sooner.

"Oh, yeah." I mumble, shrugging. "I hang out with them every so often."

"Karen says you're seeing one of em'." Amanda says and she chuckles, like the thought of me being involved with someone amuses her.

I roll my eyes. "I'm not."

"Which one?" Adam asks.

"I just said I'm not." I elbow him in the ribs and he catches my arm, grabbing my hand and twirling it around to look at it.

"They're all pretty good looking. Especially the one with all the tattoos. But he looks like he doesn't fuck with anyone." Amanda says, sitting up and scooting up to the headboard. “He looks mean as fuck.”

I snort. If only they knew. Zayn is probably the nicest person I’ve ever met. Actually, he may even be a legit saint.

"You know him?" Adam squeezes my hand.

"We hang out every now and then." I tell him, the drugs were making me more honest. If I was sober I would've told him to not worry about it.

"What's his name?"

"Why do you sound obsessed?" Amanda says, sounding halfway interested in the conversation, she was scrolling through her phone.

"His name is Zayn." I answer anyway.

Adam hums. "I've only ever met Niall. Nice guy."

"Zayn is nice, too." I wasn't sure why I was spilling all this shit out, at this moment especially.

"How nice?" Adam lets go of my hand and leans on his elbow, peering over me, his hair almost touching my forehead.

I stare him in the eyes, crossing my arms over my stomach. "Nice enough."

Adam stares back, his lips slightly curved upwards in a smile. "Do you like him?"

"Of course, I do."

"And do you like me?" he raises an eyebrow.

"Why wouldn't I?" I smirk.

"But you like him in a different way than you like me, yes?" Adam laughs, finding the look I was giving him funny.

"Why does that matter?" I quirk up a brow.

Adam shrugs, smiling. "I just wanna know what I can do to make you like _me_ like that."

I look down at his lips and uncross my arms to pull him down closer to me. His upper body presses against mine and his hand falls to my hair, pushing it back from my forehead.

"I don't like anyone. Does that make you happy?" I ask, my fingers wrapping around his button-up shirt.

Adam chuckles and leans down, pressing his lips to mine. I close my eyes and kiss back, my lips feeling like mush because of the weed so I laugh and Adam bites my bottom lip, pulling away and laughing too.

"Stop laughing, weirdo." Adam rolls his eyes and lays down next to me, his head on my shoulder.

I let go of his shirt and touch my bottom lip, rolling them together. "My lips are numb."

Adam turns his head and presses his lips to my neck. "Is your neck numb?"

"No," I bare more of my neck to him, hiding my smile.

I feel his teeth lightly graze under my jaw, his nose pressed against my skin. Adams arm goes around my stomach, pulling me closer to him. I turn onto my side, my thigh sliding in between his and I kiss him again. My tongue lazily circles his, my fingers going into his hair. Adam let's a small sound out when I move my knee and a second later I feel something hit my back.

"Don't fucking do that in front of me! The fuck?" Amanda shrills.

I laugh and touch my back where it felt sore a bit. "What did you throw at me?"

"I threw my phone because that's the only thing I have." Amanda says, glaring at us.

Adam wraps his arms around my back and squeezes, letting out a small laugh. "Sorry, sis. I forgot you were in here."

I roll my eyes and drop my head to his chest, too lazy to move. "I didn't. I just don't care."

"Oh, fuck off, Harry." Amanda scoffs.

I close my eyes and try not to think of Zayn. Why have people been saying that—that I like him? Is it obvious? Is it obvious to Zayn? And if it is, how? I don’t even know what I feel towards Zayn—how can everyone else know before I do? It doesn’t make sense and I’m not sure if I want it to be.


	32. 0.32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! It's been a while, like always Haha. But it may take a while to get the next few chapters out because my phone is messing up, I can't upload chapters for some reason because my phone keeps tweaking. Not sure if it's the website or not because my phone doesn't do that with other applications lol. But I'm uploading this from my friends laptop, God bless her. Anyway, here's chapter 32.
> 
> Some of ya'll might be annoyed with Harry in this chapter, but it'll be explained(?) in the next chapter which is already written (so is the one after that) so hopefully I can get those out within the remaining week. Also, thank you very much for the comments,kudos and reads! You guys are amazing ! Xoxo

Zayn is back.

He lets me know the next morning, ten minutes after I wake up. I see the text after coming back from the restroom.

 **Zayn:** you're favorite person is back. don't get too excited.

I feel my lips twitch as I type out a reply.

 **Harry:** who is this?

 **Zayn:** ahahhaahhaahahah. funny.

 **Harry:** thanks, I've been practicing

 **Zayn:** anyway. since today is Friday, hows about joining me and a few others at the beach

 **Harry:** are you kidding? it's freezing outside

 **Zayn:** bring a jacket?

 **Harry:** and if I don't want to go ??

 **Zayn:** well, you won't get to see me. I know you've missed me ;)

 **Harry:** keep dreaming babe

 **Zayn:** are we already at the cute name phase already?

 **Harry:** ugh, I have to get ready for school. leave me alone, nuisance

 **Zayn:** see you at the beach!

I don't reply, instead I put the phone down and start getting dressed for school.

I haven't seen Zayn in awhile, not counting him being gone for the past few days. But I've been grounded for two weeks and during that time I haven't see much of Zayn. He didn't say anything about it, but I can tell he was confused on why I was making excuses whenever he'd invite me to something. I told him my parents are in town and they don't want me going out so much, but that can only work for a few days.

Fortunately, Zayn is the type of person to let things go when you want him to. Obviously he knows something else is going on but he also knows it's not a serious thing.

But I'd go today, along with Karen and Isak I'm assuming. I actually want to get out of this house, so I'm looking forward to the beach. The pills the DeAngelis twins gave me only lasted 4 days and it's now long gone, which resulted in the next 3 days to feel like years.

My parents leave tomorrow, and I'm looking forward to it.

*

"Why don't you just ask Nate for something?" Karen rolls her eyes at me.

I rub my fists over my eyes, a headache forming. "He isn't here."

"Then call up T.J."

I sigh. "I don't have any money. They took my cards from me."

"You pay your drug dealer with a card?" Isak questions, eyebrow raised.

I glare at him. "Of course not. But I need a card to withdrawal money out of it don't I?"

I don't mean to snap at him, but I was irritable. Being in the middle of this loud fucking cafeteria with nothing to make the noise dull was fucking excruciating. My head was pounding and I would even be okay with some fucking ibuprofen.

I run my fingers through my hair and pull slightly, wincing. "Sorry." I mumble.

*

My parents weren't home when I get back from school. Linda was home though, she was preparing dinner.

"Your parents will be home in a few hours. Do you want a snack?"

I tell her no thanks and go upstairs, ready to take a nap before heading out. I decide to tell her later that I was gonna leave.

I rid myself of my clothes and climb under the sheets, already yawning.

*

Since it's winter, that means the sun disappears at 5 and it's pitch black sooner than usual in result. I place that into consideration when I wake up at 4 and see a text from Karen. She tells me she'll see me at the beach, which was sent to me about 30 minutes ago so I can assume she's already there. I get out of bed and put on the clothes I only took off an hour and a half ago.

Linda is reading a book in the living room when I go downstairs, my dads spare car keys in my hand.

She looks up when she sees me. "Going somewhere?"

I put on a nice smile. "Karen's. You don't mind?"

"Harry," she warns, her tone turning strict.

I pout, putting on my best begging face. "Please? It's Friday and I haven't hung out with Karen in _two weeks_. I'll come home before midnight, promise."

Linda rubs her temple, eyes closing briefly. "Harry. You know what your mom said. She doesn't want you doing anything that might get you in trouble."

"I'll literally just be at Karen's." I tell her.

"Fine," she sighs. "But please come home before 12. And don't do anything...bad, okay?"

_Don't do drugs._

They never really say it, but I know what "don't do anything bad" means.

I grin and nod. "Okay. I'll see you later."

I step out, immediately being hit in the face with rain. It was only drizzling but it still surprised me. It almost looked like really wet snow.

I wipe the rain off my cheek and pull my hoodie up, covering my head. The convertible was parked out on the driveway, the roof—thankfully—was up.

The drive to the beach is a breeze, the road is not that busy.

I pull up to the usual spot I park in and notice the group. They were the only people there, since no one else was out of their minds and would come to the beach when it was raining, drizzle or not.

I stay in the car a while longer, trying to pick out a specific person. I find him after a minute of squinting and hard staring. He had a puffy jacket on, a hoodie underneath that kept the rain from messing up his hair, and he sat in the back of his Jeep, the trunk open and creating a roof over his head.

I feel myself involuntarily smile, my stomach doing a weird flip. I shut the car off and step out, heading towards him.

"Harold!" Niall appears next to me, grabbing my shoulders and grinning widely.

I tear my eyes away from the Jeep and smile at him. "Niall, hello."

"Where've ya been? Got tired of us?" Niall asks, but his tone is still cheerful, his arm going around my shoulders. He actually didn't sound offended.

"Just been busy." I tell him, which really isn't a total lie. Two weeks of house arrest means catching up on school, and I had a lot to catch up to, so I didn't feel entirely too bad for ditching the group for a short while.

"Happy to have you back. Missed the hell outta ya!" He hugs me, and I can faintly smell whiskey on him.

I pat his back. "Happy to be back, Niall."

I glance towards Zayn and see him smiling, very amused with the situation I was in. I squint my eyes at him.

"Alright. I'll let you go, I can feel Zayn's eyes on me." Niall laughs, squeezing my shoulder before pulling back.

I give him a close-lipped smile, quickly waving at everyone else before I continue my path towards the Jeep. I ignore the feelings of all of their eyes on me.

I can't help but grin as Zayn scoots over and makes room, a smile on his face. "Hey." I say as I hop up onto the back of the Jeep, my feet dangling off the edge.

"Hey." Zayn repeats, white teeth on display. "Feels like I haven't seen you in weeks."

It kind of has been weeks, but the feeling was mutual. I didn't realize how much I missed his company until now.

I shrug, downplaying my excitement. "I'm here now."

"Fashionably late, of course." Zayn smirks.

"Well, I had to keep you on your toes."

"It was so intense," he widens his eyes.

I roll my eyes. "I was napping. So consider yourself lucky. I don't interrupt a nap for just anybody."

"You're saying I'm special?" Zayn grins.

"Sure," I laugh.

Zayn chuckles and reaches around me to grab something. He hands me a can of beer, still cold. "You wanna light up?" He's already pulling a rolled up blunt from his hoodie pocket.

I hum and pull my legs in when a strong gust of wind hits them. "Fuck. I hate Winter," I mutter, touching my cold cheeks.

"I love it." Zayn smiles, putting the blunt in between his lips, muffling out. "It's beautiful."

"The weather?" I make a face. He nods, lighting the other end of the blunt. "You're gross."

Zayn laughs. "For liking cold weather?"

I crack open the beer and suppress a smile. "Yes."

Zayn shakes his head, smile on his face as he looks back at me and takes a hit. "Year's almost over," he breathes out.

It's December, which is crazy. It doesn't feel like it but in 9 days the year will be over and a new one will take it's place. But for now it was Christmas season, twinkle lights filling up my whole neighborhood and basically every house in town—expect my own of course, mum hates the lights, says they give her a headache.

But next month will be January, the first month of the New Year, then it'll be February—my birthday.

"When's your birthday?" It hits me then that I don't know when Zayn's birthday is. I'm not sure if he told me before and I forgot or if I never even asked him.

Zayn passes the blunt and I take it from him. "January 12th."

"Really?" I take a hit, smoke filling my mouth and lungs.

"I turn 23. Why?" He takes a sip from his own beer, pulling a down his hoodie afterwards and running his fingers through his hair, pushing it back from his face, then he pulls the hoodie back up to cover it.

"I realized I had no idea when your birthday was." I shrug, taking another hit before giving it back.

Zayn's fingers brush against my cold ones, gently taking the blunt from them. I watch as he puts it between his lips, brows furrowing.

"Have I not told you before?" Zayn wonders, rubbing at his eye as a little bit of smoke comes near it.

"Don't think so."

"You know now, right?" He grins.

We keep passing the blunt back and forth until there's nothing left. I can tell I'm high when my lips get numb and I'm wiggling my toes in shoes to make sure they're still there.

I take large sips from my beer, my throat dry. I finish it quickly, noticing Zayn was done with his as well.

"All gone." Zayn says when I ask where the beer is in the Jeep.

"I'll go get some more." I say, my lips moving a lot slower. I put my hands down on the carpet of the Jeep and hop down, trying not to fall onto my face.

I head to where Niall is because I know that's where the alcohol is. It's also where everyone else was huddled, under a huge tarp I didn't even notice was put up. I also just now realize that it's raining still, but this time it wasn't a drizzle.

"Harold, come sit. Ed is about to tell a story." Niall grabs my arm and pulls me down next to him, keeping his arm around my shoulders.

I stay next to him, glancing over at Zayn. I find him looking over to the road, watching something but I couldn't place the expression on his face.

"We were all thinking of taking a trip to California for the holidays." Niall says, talking to the whole group.

"All of us?" Ed asks, brow raised.

"Yeah," Niall shrugs. "Why not?"

"There's a lot of us." Isak points out and I look at him, almost forgetting he was there.

"We'll rent an RV. If we all chip in it'll be easy. We'll even have enough money after to spend." Liam says.

It seems that this idea wasn't a spur of the moment thing Niall suddenly had—he and Liam thought this out.

Karen grins. "It sounds fun. I'm down."

Niall kisses her cheek. "Great. Isak?"

Isak shrugs and takes a drink from his beer. "Sure."

"Harold? You think you can handle us for that long?" Niall elbows me, a huge grin on his face.

I'm high, so I don't put much thought to it and say the first thing that pops into my mind. "Yeah, it'll be fun."

Niall is happy about my answer, probably expecting that I'd say no. "Awesome! So..."

He starts talking about the details but I tune out, glancing towards Zayn. A girl was walking towards him, her arms extended out and she grins as she gets closer. Zayn grins as well, standing up on his feet and pulling the girl into a hug.

They squeeze each other, talking into each other's hair. I don't recognize the girl, can't see her face that clearly. But when she turns her head and presses a kiss to Zayn's cheek, cupping the back of his head—I have to look away, feeling like I was invading something private.

I purse my lips, staring at the stupid little bonfire someone started.

I stay next to Niall, not really wanting to go back to Zayn. I haven't looked over there for a few minutes, ignoring whatever was happening. I don't know the girl but apparently Zayn does so whatever.

The high starts wearing off and I realize some time has passed and all I've done is watch the bonfire. Everyone else was still animatedly talking over each other, loud and enjoying themselves.

I rub my eyes, running my fingers through my hair. I glance towards Zayn, lips in a firm line. I really wish he would've told me he invited someone else so I didn't have to waste my time. I really like everyone else here, but I came here to hang out with him and I'm annoyed now because here I am, sitting on a damp stump with wet hair.

The girl is leaning against the car, her blonde hair—which is the only thing I can see distinctively—is covering the side of her face as she looks down at Zayn, who is sitting in the back of the Jeep again.

They seemed to be talking.

I pull my phone out and look at the time, just now noticing the text message that was sent to me about 35 minutes ago.

 **Zayn:** are you not coming back?

I debate on whether to reply or if I should just leave. I know if I reply I'll say something mean and Zayn will be confused, but I didn't want to leave without talking to Zayn one more time.

So I settle on something that I think isn't that abrupt or rude.

 **Harry:** I've gotten comfortable here. sorry

Going over there would be awkward as fuck. They're probably flirting or some shit.

I watch Zayn pull out his phone and read the text, he starts typing and a few seconds later my phone buzzes in my hand.

 **Zayn:** come over here.

 **Harry:** no?

 **Zayn:** don't be difficult, Harry

 **Harry:** how am I being difficult?

 **Zayn:** I obviously was joking

 **Zayn:** so you won't come over here?

 **Harry:** no, I'm good

 **Zayn:** do you want me to come over there?

 **Harry:** why would you

 **Zayn:** so we can hang out? or are you good on that, too?

 **Harry:** guess so. im leaving in a few minutes anyway

 **Zayn:** jesus christ. whatever you want, Harry

I roll my eyes, shutting my phone off and shoving it into my pocket. I furrow my brows and glance over at Zayn. He stares back, confusion and annoyance on his face. I clench my jaw and turn towards Niall.

"Hey, I had a good time but I've gotta get going." I say to him, giving him the best smile I could muster.

"Really?" Niall frowns and Karen peeks around him, but I avoid her eyes.

"Yeah." I give a sheepish smile. "I'm technically grounded, so I'd be pushing my luck if I stayed out any longer."

"Oh," he says, understanding. "Okay, then. I'll see you soon, yeah?"

I nod and pat his back. "Definitely."

Karen stands up. "I'll walk you to your car."

"I'm not handicapped. I can walk myself." I squint my eyes at her.

"Sure," she rolls her eyes and grabs my arm, pulling me up.

I exhale out of my nose and let her walk me to my car. "You can let go." I wiggle my arm.

"I'm afraid that if I do you'll book it." Karen grins at me, waiting until we're by the driver's side to drop my arm. "So what's wrong?"

I furrow my brows, annoyed that she picked up on it so quickly. "Nothing."

Karen gives me an unimpressed look. "You look so pissed right now. Obviously something happened with Zayn."

"Zayn? Why does it have to involve him? My life doesn't fucking revolve around him, you know?"

"Uh," she raises an eyebrow. "Why are you getting so defensive then?"

I clench my jaw. "I don't have time for this."

Karen scoffs. "Whatever, Harry. Hit me up when you've stopped being an asshole."

I roll my eyes. "Fuck off."

I open the door and start the car, ignoring Karen's walking away figure.

*

It's only 7 pm so I end up driving to Nate's.

I ride the lift in silence, replaying those three hours and wondering what the fuck I did to be treated like shit. I scoff. I probably should never talk to them ever again. That seems like a great idea.

The lift stops and I get out, rounding the corner and stopping in front of Nate's apartment door.

I knock on the door, pulling down my hoodie and letting my hair dry out.

It takes awhile for the door to open, but when it does I'm met with Nate's roommate. I won't lie, I don't really remember his name. It might be James or Devon? One of those, I'm sure.

"Hey, man. Is Nate here?"

He looks distressed, forehead creased. "Uh, hey. You wanna come in?"

He didn't really answer my question. "Sure," I mumble and walk inside. I look around, not seeing Nate anywhere. "So Nate isn't here?"

The roommate runs his hand over his short curls, a pained expression crossing his face. "Nate's in the hospital."


	33. 0.33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello ! Here is chapter 33 !
> 
> Anyway, a few things I wanted to let y’all know. Texts will now be in italics because this website freaks out anytime I try to make anything bolded. And that’s annoying but whatever. Also, the next chapter will be pretty heavy and will have some suiciadal thoughts in it, so I’m warning you guys ahead of time. But it may be the most emotional chapter yet, and I’m pretty proud of it to be honest.
> 
> So, now that that’s out of the way. Thank you for your time and for reading ! Leave kudos and a comment if you want :) xoxo

The waiting room is empty. I’m the the only person there.

The woman at the front desk was hesitant on letting me come back here, but only after 10 minutes of me trying to persuade her did she give in and allow me in, calling the room Nate is in and telling someone "a young man named Harry Styles" is in the waiting room. 

She doesn't tell me exactly what is happening with the situation, only saying that Nate is in a coma. She told me that he tried to overdose, and that when he passed out he hit his head on the edge of his bed.

I'm not sure what to feel. I couldn't take the woman’s word on whether Nate was okay. She said he was lucky his roommate was home at the time and heard him pass out, saying he saved Nate's life.

Nate has been in here since this morning, which means I went throughout the day without knowing Nate almost died. I was at the beach while Nate was on the brink of death.

Only a few doctors and nurses have come out the room since I've been in the waiting room, all looking very tired, talking in hushed voices.

An hour passes before Nate's mum comes out, her eyes red and tired.

I've only met Nate's mum once, and I couldn't tell if she liked me at the time. Nate talks about her though, brings up how she wants to meet me but I've always dismissed the idea.

But now she looks at me with sad eyes, looking very similar to my own mum when I saw her for the first time after I overdosed almost a year ago.

"Thank you for coming," she says, her voice quiet.

I nod and stand to meet her. "I'm sorry I wasn't here before. I had no idea."

She nods in understanding. "It's okay."

"What happened?" I ask, my brows furrowing.

I had my own reasons for doing what I did, but I want to know what Nate's reason was for overdosing. I know things weren't the best, that he wasn’t the happiest, but I didn't know he was in _this_ state of mind.

"The doctors said his system was filled with all types of narcotics..." a small frown paints her features but she keeps her composure, "I had no idea he did any of that stuff. I knew he took pain medication, but it was prescribed. I didn't know..." she trails off, covering her eyes with her hand.

I want to comfort her, but I'm frozen. Guilt engulfing me. "I'm sorry." I whisper because it's my fault.

But she misunderstands my apology and gives me a tiny smile. "Do you want to see him? He's still unconscious, but the doctors say he might hear something. 

I nod, my throat tight. "Yeah."

"I'm going to get some coffee, would you like some?" She asks, only making my heart break some more because she's so kind and sweet.

"I'm okay. Thank you."

She squeezes my shoulder before glancing at the door she came out of, then she walks down the hall.

I bite the inside of my cheek and try to prepare myself before walking in but my hand still shakes as I reach towards the door and open it. I try not to make any noise, even if Nate can't actually hear anything going on.

I feel nauseous when I see him.

Nate doesn't look good. He looks weak and brittle, like he was still in a lot of pain. A bandage was wrapped around his head, his lips swollen and his eyes ringed red. There were needles in his arms, hooked onto machines. He didn't look like Nate like this. He looked like a broken person, someone I can’t really recognize.

I walk closer, noticing the small cuts on his lips and the bridge of his nose. I purse my lips, tears coming to my eyes. They fall before I can even reach for his hand.

His fingers are warm, but they don't respond to my touch. I sit down on the chair by the bed and sniffle, staring at him like he would open his eyes any second and look back at me. 

I hold his hand tightly. "I'm sorry, Nate."

*

Mrs. Ramsey comes back 30 minutes later, a tiny tap on the door. She sets a plastic bag down next to me, putting her hand on my shoulder before sitting down on the the chair on the other side of the bed.

We sit there for awhile, the both of us staring at Nate.

An hour later, I take the sandwich out of the plastic bag and eat it even though I'm not hungry. I didn't want Mrs. Ramsey to feel bad. But it only makes me feel more nauseous. 

Another hour passes and a nurse comes in to check on Nate's vitals, he talks in a low voice to Mrs. Ramsey, then he leaves and it's the three of us again.

 * 

"Go home, Harry. I don't want your parents worrying." Mrs. Ramsey says to me when it's almost 3 am. Her tired eyes manage to give me a kind look. "You can come back tomorrow. But you look exhausted, honey."

I don't tell her that my parents aren't home, that they wouldn’t care even if they were home. Instead I nod, let go of Nate's hand after giving it one last squeeze and give Mrs. Ramsey a hug. I tell her I'll be back in a few hours. 

It's really cold outside and I don't have any good protection against the harsh wind. I clench my teeth and push through to the car, starting the car and cranking up the heat once I'm inside. 

I realize that I left my phone in the cup holder. I pick it up and it turns on, revealing a missed call from Linda and a text from Zayn at 11 pm.

 _Zayn:_ you didn't have to leave...

That only makes me more angry.

Of course I had to leave. Did he just expect me to watch him kiss some girl? Why wouldn't I leave?

I scoff and put the phone back into the cup holder. I drive out of the hospital parking lot, not sure where to go. I don’t want to think about Zayn right now, especially when there are more important things happening.

I drive back to Nate's place. His roommate was still up, so he opens the door for me. He doesn't say anything as I walk in and walk straight to Nate's room. 

I don't fall asleep like I wished I could. I stay awake all night, a headache behind my eyes and Nate's sheets on top of me.

* 

It's Saturday and I almost wished it was Monday so I could have something to do.

I didn't sleep at all last night. All I could do was picture Nate here, in a state of mind that made him try to overdose. I tried to imagine how he felt right before. Was he scared? Or was he relieved? 

I remember feeling absolutely nothing. I did it without thinking twice about it and it didn't work. I realized that after I woke up in the hospital with my mums disappointment face next to me. I remember feeling angry that I woke up at all.

It takes me awhile to get up. I know I have to call Linda and explain why I didn't come home last night like I promised, but I didn't want to. I didn't want to do anything but see Nate today.

Nate's roommate is nowhere to be seen when I walk out of the bedroom.

I walk to the kitchen to get a glass of water when I see a box of cigarettes on the kitchen counter. Nate doesn't smoke cigarettes, so it must be his roommates. I grab one anyway and light it on the stove when I can't find a lighter. I fill up a glass with water and sit down on the couch in the living room.

My phone buzzes in my pocket and I pull it out. It's Karen. 

I don't answer. I let the call end and watch the screen as a text pops up.

 _Karen:_ answer your phone!!

She calls again and I let it go to voicemail again. 

 _Karen:_ I need to know if you're ok. text me or call me harry 

I furrow my brows and ignore her.

 _Karen:_ I heard about nate. 

I clench my jaw and pick up the phone.

 _Harry:_ who told you?

Karen: thank god you're ok. And isak told me

 _Harry:_ who told him?

 _Karen:_ why does that even matter? where are you? linda said you didn't come home last night and you weren't answering her calls 

 _Harry:_ I'm fine. And I'm going to call Linda later 

 _Karen:_ where are you? 

 _Harry:_ don't worry about it.

 * 

I visit Nate again at 2 o'clock. This time both of the Ramsey's are there and they greet me with smiles, visibly happy. 

They tell me that Nate is expected to wake up within the next few days. But they also say it may take a few days for him to stay awake, since the drugs are still inside his blood, but they're hoping he wakes up tomorrow.

I relieve the Ramseys, telling them I'll stay awhile.

Nate looks the same as he did last night, but I don't know why I expected him to look any different.

I hold his hand again.

"I'm glad you're gonna be okay." I tell him, hoping he can hear.

*

I call Linda three hours later as I drive out of the hospital parking lot.

"Do you care to explain where you've been? You were supposed to be home last night, Harry. I was very tempted to call your parents!”

I sigh. "I know. I'm sorry, but I couldn't come home last night. I had to go to the hospital."

"What? For what? Did something happen to you?" 

"No. But my friend Nate...something happened to him and he's in the hospital so I stayed with him." I don't go into specifics.

"But you're okay? Nothing happened to you?"

"No, nothing happened to me. I'm fine."

"Please come home so I can see for myself, Harry." She sounds tired, and her Italian accent breaks through as she signs in concern and exhaustion.

"I'm on my way right now."

* 

My phone doesn't stop ringing. Calls and texts from people I really didn't care about at the moment. I don't answer any of them.

It's cold out, 35 degrees—almost below freezing. I had the windows rolled down though, the cold stinging my face was the only thing keeping me awake at the moment. I wasn't tired, but I felt exhausted at the same time.

I'm not sure what to say to Linda. I wasn't going to tell her what happened to Nate, that isn't my right, but I didn't want her to think I was out doing stupid shit. So I guess I'll just figure it out when I see her.

The gates are open when I pull into my driveway, and I should've known Linda was waiting. I park the car, get out and head towards the front door that swings open when I walk up to it.

Linda looks distressed, her eyes search my face and once she sees that I look okay, she grabs my jacket and pulls me into a hug.

"Jesus Christ, Harry," she breathes. "Don't ever do that again, do you hear me?"

"Yes." I mutter, patting her back before pulling away. "See, I'm fine." 

Linda takes a closer look at me face, her dark brows furrowed. "You don't look good, honey."

I put on a smile. "I'm just tired. That's all."

Linda doesn't believe me, because she cups my cheeks and frowns. "Did you eat? Where did you sleep? Come inside, it's freezing." 

I clear my throat and step away from her so I walk in. "I'm not hungry."

"That's not what I asked you." Linda says, her voice soft.

"Yes. I ate."

Linda sighs, grabs my arm and leads me towards the kitchen. "You need to eat something. You look pale."

I'm always pale.

"Really. I'm not hungry. I just ate at the hospital." I try, but she doesn't let go. 

"Just have an apple, or some orange juice." 

I purse my lips and sit down at the breakfast bar. I know she won't let it go so I will force down fruit if that makes her happier. 

My phone continues to buzz as I watch Linda prepare a bowl of cut up apples and strawberries. 

"So tell me what happened," she says once she sets down the bowl and a glass of orange juice in front of me.

I grab an apple slice and shake my head. "Nothing happened. He's just sick."

"And that was enough to make you not come home?" She raises her eyebrows, not buying it at all. "Don't lie to me, Harry. I had to stop myself from calling the police last night, do you know that? I thought something happened to you."

"Nothing happened to me. You don't need to be that dramatic." I sigh, putting the apple slice down. 

"How would I know? You never answer your phone. You never tell me where you're going or lie about where you're going or you just lie in general!" She laughs, almost hysterical. "I'm only trying to keep you safe, Harry. I don't want what happened last summer to repeat itself."

I clench my jaw. "I'm not going to do that again."

"How am I supposed to believe that?"

I look at her incredulously. "You just have to! What does that even _mean_? I'm not—what the fuck! I'm not _suicidal_."

Linda shakes her head. "I never said that. But you're going through something, Harry. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to you right under my nose again. I won't let it happen. Not again."

I furrow my brows, my eyes stinging. "I'm tired." I stand up and look away from her.

"Don't—don't do that. Sit down and talk to me." Linda gets up as well and steps in front of me, putting her hand on my arm.

 I shrug away from her. "There's nothing to talk about."


End file.
